Ryan Holiday

Maybe not.

It's also life.

In Epictetus' famous metaphor that everything has two handles, one which will hold weight and the other which will not, he actually references this exact kind of situation.

You can choose to grab hold of the fact that something wrong has been done to you, or you can choose to grab hold of the fact that it was done by your brother, someone you were raised with, someone who loves you and has a good heart.

Which of those is a better handle?

Marcus, Aurelius, and Cato could have looked down on their brothers.

Instead, they loved them.

When Cato's brother died, he told a friend he'd rather part with his life than his brother's ashes.

And they were willing to look the other way, not just for brothers, but with all the people they lived with,

and were related to, Marcus Aurelius did this well with his wife, who's rumored to be unfaithful, and of course, too well or not well enough with his son, who clearly went astray.

Cato did this with his sister, who had a torrid affair with Julius Caesar, his worst enemy.

We must be kind to our family.

We must forgive because they are all we have.

Like us, they are not perfect, not by a long shot.

In fact, they might be obnoxious or deeply flawed, but they are our blood.

We share a past.

And if we want to share a future, we need to see what is good in them and encourage that.

Up to a point, of course.

But now, let's grab the kindness and forgiveness and love handle.

Look for it and look away.