Ryan Lawrence

What I can say is I've never felt such strong emotions towards anything in my life than my ever-growing and unconditional love for Maddox, and now I'm completely distraught by overwhelming grief and anguish for what I've done. I was never jealous of my daughter. Both our families know I love Maddox. If anything, I only wanted more for her.

Maddox was always at the top of my list and is constantly, to this day, the focal point of my thoughts and actions since she first came into my life. I'll never overcome this feeling of loss. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how I got to such a dark, irrational state. She was my life's purpose, and making her happy was my job.

Maddox was always at the top of my list and is constantly, to this day, the focal point of my thoughts and actions since she first came into my life. I'll never overcome this feeling of loss. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how I got to such a dark, irrational state. She was my life's purpose, and making her happy was my job.

Maddox was always at the top of my list and is constantly, to this day, the focal point of my thoughts and actions since she first came into my life. I'll never overcome this feeling of loss. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how I got to such a dark, irrational state. She was my life's purpose, and making her happy was my job.

Such strong feelings of love, however, brought equally strong feelings of fear and uncertainty when it came to my responsibility for her happiness.

Such strong feelings of love, however, brought equally strong feelings of fear and uncertainty when it came to my responsibility for her happiness.

Such strong feelings of love, however, brought equally strong feelings of fear and uncertainty when it came to my responsibility for her happiness.

Although I blame no one else for my acts, as the pressures to save, to give her the perfect life built up, I also struggled against relentless waves of negative emotions every day, bearing witness to the pain and sadness in many of my wife and daughter's interactions.

Although I blame no one else for my acts, as the pressures to save, to give her the perfect life built up, I also struggled against relentless waves of negative emotions every day, bearing witness to the pain and sadness in many of my wife and daughter's interactions.

Although I blame no one else for my acts, as the pressures to save, to give her the perfect life built up, I also struggled against relentless waves of negative emotions every day, bearing witness to the pain and sadness in many of my wife and daughter's interactions.

Yet no reason and no psychological diagnosis seemed plausible to me to have made me commit this act against my very nature, taking the one thing I love most. This Easter, my father, weeping, asked me what I was thinking. In despair, I gave him the only answer I could. Although these pressures led me to this unthinkable act, I cannot now make sense of what I did.

Yet no reason and no psychological diagnosis seemed plausible to me to have made me commit this act against my very nature, taking the one thing I love most. This Easter, my father, weeping, asked me what I was thinking. In despair, I gave him the only answer I could. Although these pressures led me to this unthinkable act, I cannot now make sense of what I did.

Yet no reason and no psychological diagnosis seemed plausible to me to have made me commit this act against my very nature, taking the one thing I love most. This Easter, my father, weeping, asked me what I was thinking. In despair, I gave him the only answer I could. Although these pressures led me to this unthinkable act, I cannot now make sense of what I did.

There's no valid reason for why our daughter Maddox had to die. Not a second goes by when I don't wish I could take back what I did and that Maddox would still be alive. I pray all the time that she's in a better place and that God and my mother are watching over her.

There's no valid reason for why our daughter Maddox had to die. Not a second goes by when I don't wish I could take back what I did and that Maddox would still be alive. I pray all the time that she's in a better place and that God and my mother are watching over her.

There's no valid reason for why our daughter Maddox had to die. Not a second goes by when I don't wish I could take back what I did and that Maddox would still be alive. I pray all the time that she's in a better place and that God and my mother are watching over her.

But being in this cell with nothing but my thoughts is... Tormenting. So, I mean, I can't close my eyes. I can't sleep. Just having to, having to live this life that I've created for myself is hell. Hell exists. It's real. I know that. And I've created it for myself. You don't have to die.

But being in this cell with nothing but my thoughts is... Tormenting. So, I mean, I can't close my eyes. I can't sleep. Just having to, having to live this life that I've created for myself is hell. Hell exists. It's real. I know that. And I've created it for myself. You don't have to die.

But being in this cell with nothing but my thoughts is... Tormenting. So, I mean, I can't close my eyes. I can't sleep. Just having to, having to live this life that I've created for myself is hell. Hell exists. It's real. I know that. And I've created it for myself. You don't have to die.

Yeah, I told her goodbye.