Ryan Sharp

How are we doing tonight? It's weird, I'm 23, I'm from Pittsburgh, and I live with a roommate, and it's weird being an adult male with an adult male roommate, because some nights I'll be at work, and I work overnight, so I don't get home until 2 a.m., and they'll text me like, hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter. Don't forget to clean up after yourself.

Feels like living with a wife sometimes. And other times... I'll wake up at 1.30 in the morning and I'll open my door and he'll just be standing there looking at me like that. Like, hey, does this look infected to you? But... It's okay. It's okay to have those type of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no, man, that looks totally fine.

I never claimed to be good at this.

Whoa! I was a really bad drug dealer, and I got arrested in school.

Uh, some kid's like, oh, his backpack smells like weed, and they searched me, and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack.

No, no.

Yeah.

16.

Yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday.

No, not really.

I'm a manager at Chipotle.

Indeed it does.

No, they listen to me. I'm the most well-rounded manager we have.

Yeah.

That'll be the best thing that happened up on this stage.

You get free burritos? Uh, yeah. Nice. Hell yeah. If you couldn't tell. That's all I eat is food from work. Absolutely.

Um, I, uh, my buddy's actually a comic that I'm here with, and I record a lot of his stuff, and I go out and do, uh, open mics and support all the bros and shit.

I produce music. Yeah. Do you ever sing? Not as much anymore, but I do. What do you do?

I just make beats and mix and master.

This has to be up there.

This is what you want. I can't think of anything. Virgin?

Yeah, I take the burrito and I empty it out and then eat it out of her.

It's a fun hobby. I'm not really good at it, but I do it anyway. It's just for the love of it. It's fun to get on stage and embarrass myself.