Ryan Shelton

I'm more fun, more relaxed.

I laugh out loud from the belly, not only during holidays, weekends away with friends and romantic getaways, but also on weekdays after school pickup.

I don't shout and I'm not as stubborn.

In my wildest dreams, I know how to be a mum that doesn't doubt herself, how to parent without the inherited need to power over and then regret it every step of the way.

I imagine myself ditching the constant no that has made its way into my vocabulary and most of the answers I have for my children.

In my dreams, I embrace yes, despite the discomfort and difficulties it might bring.

I let go and let others take the lead.

I let outsourcing be the key and let pleasure lead.

In my wildest dreams, I'm more like the girl I used to be.

Beautiful.

Yes.

Yeah.

I just, I find it really emotional to read that because when I lie in bed at night, often,

I'm getting better at this.

This is something I'm working really hard on and I'm going to see a psychologist to work on it, to help work on it.

But I lie in bed and I'm just full of regrets about losing my cool or the look on my child's face when I've unnecessarily said no to something when I could have, as she said, just sort of gone with yes and embraced a bit of discomfort.

But for some reason I've let stress and anger or a need to get out the door quickly for some reason, like I have to be, like it's going to be the end of the world if the kids aren't at kinder by 8.30 and I'm here by nine on the dot, like I'm never here on nine on the dot anyway.

This fear of like, I can't let that happen.

So I lose it at my child to put their pants on or whatever it is, as opposed to just going with it a little bit more and slowing down and just giving them what they need.

I'll lie in bed and think like, how did you turn into this person?