Róisín Ingle

I was so willing to subsume myself and to be in the shadows and to not be the main character like they say these days, don't they?

The main character.

That's what it is, yeah.

It's almost like I was drawn towards people like that.

People who were going to kind of shine brighter than me.

so that I could kind of hide away in the shadows and and you know I mean I have to take responsibility for that like I do now because you could just say oh no I met this person and they were you know they didn't give me as much but actually maybe that's what I wanted you know there's a sort of sense of wanting to disappear and it's okay if you're in if you're in the shadows and you're not in the you don't have to there's no disappointment you know because you're not gonna nobody's expecting anything of you so you can just kind of be there you know behind the scenes

A bit of that blame me.

I know I blame myself completely.

Oh, did you?

Completely?

Well, there was one moment when, after we came back from Fenor and after he died, his mother rang up.

I wanted, rightly, to understand why we were out swimming at that night.

And the reason we were out swimming was because I had made, not made him, I mean, he's an adult, but I had said, I really, really want to go, even though it was dark, even though it was late, even though the waves were really high.

But our whole thing was very daredevil-y.

We always went out in the waves.

And I remember it sort of like I think I don't know if my mother told her exactly or she tried to fudge it or whatever, but I could hear that this was a thing that was going to be asked.

And the answer was I was the one who made us go swimming.

So in my head, I was the guilty person.

You know, I was guilty.

But I don't feel like that anymore because I know that he's an adult and I was a child.