Sabrina Zohar

But then we hear the, well, I got ready and I did my makeup and my hair and this person never called me back. It's like, because no one owes you anything. And so that's me respecting my time and my boundaries saying, you don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. Let's meet at Erewhon for 30 minutes. Let's have a quick jive. If we get it, great. I'd love to go to dinner with you.

But then we hear the, well, I got ready and I did my makeup and my hair and this person never called me back. It's like, because no one owes you anything. And so that's me respecting my time and my boundaries saying, you don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. Let's meet at Erewhon for 30 minutes. Let's have a quick jive. If we get it, great. I'd love to go to dinner with you.

But then we hear the, well, I got ready and I did my makeup and my hair and this person never called me back. It's like, because no one owes you anything. And so that's me respecting my time and my boundaries saying, you don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. Let's meet at Erewhon for 30 minutes. Let's have a quick jive. If we get it, great. I'd love to go to dinner with you.

But then we hear the, well, I got ready and I did my makeup and my hair and this person never called me back. It's like, because no one owes you anything. And so that's me respecting my time and my boundaries saying, you don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. Let's meet at Erewhon for 30 minutes. Let's have a quick jive. If we get it, great. I'd love to go to dinner with you.

I feel this intensity. I'm dysregulated. I don't feel safe here. The problem is we see someone attractive and go, oh, Oh my God, it's a sign. What we want to look at is we want your nervous system to feel regulated. We want your nervous system to feel safe with this person. And that means that the spark isn't going to be present. That doesn't mean you can't have attraction.

And if not, that's cool too.

And if not, that's cool too.

And if not, that's cool too.

And if not, that's cool too.

And if not, that's cool too.

When I first met my partner, I felt nothing. No spark, nothing. And I just thought, he's a nice guy. I'll keep getting to know him. And we went on a hike. We went for like three hours and it was like this beautiful hike in this neighborhood, whatever, whatever. And then after he said, listen, I'd love to take you to dinner if you're open to it. If not, totally understand. We could part ways.

And I said, you know what? Let me give him a try. He didn't do anything wrong. He's adorable. I'm just not feeling it. And sure enough, we went back to his house to drop off the dog. We both got changed and we walked out. I was like, oh, he's way cuter than I like thought he was. And he like came and kissed me. And all of a sudden I like felt it. I was like, oh, I like this.

And we ended up hooking up. And fast forward, here we are. We went to dinner after. I never have felt the spark with him because my nervous system has always felt very safe with him because he's not inconsistent. He's not doing any of those things. He's being very upfront, consistent, safe, reciprocal. He communicates. And that's different for me. And the thing is, the spark often is familiarity.

I think if that helps you feel like you can manage your schedule, sure. I think there's also an element of reality. I'm sure that you're not so rigid that if you met someone that you really liked and they're like, hey, I'm so sorry, I can't do Friday. Could you do Thursday? You're like, okay, fine. I can make an exception, right? Like, especially if there's somebody really great.

I think if that helps you feel like you can manage your schedule, sure. I think there's also an element of reality. I'm sure that you're not so rigid that if you met someone that you really liked and they're like, hey, I'm so sorry, I can't do Friday. Could you do Thursday? You're like, okay, fine. I can make an exception, right? Like, especially if there's somebody really great.

I think if that helps you feel like you can manage your schedule, sure. I think there's also an element of reality. I'm sure that you're not so rigid that if you met someone that you really liked and they're like, hey, I'm so sorry, I can't do Friday. Could you do Thursday? You're like, okay, fine. I can make an exception, right? Like, especially if there's somebody really great.

I think if that helps you feel like you can manage your schedule, sure. I think there's also an element of reality. I'm sure that you're not so rigid that if you met someone that you really liked and they're like, hey, I'm so sorry, I can't do Friday. Could you do Thursday? You're like, okay, fine. I can make an exception, right? Like, especially if there's somebody really great.

I think if that helps you feel like you can manage your schedule, sure. I think there's also an element of reality. I'm sure that you're not so rigid that if you met someone that you really liked and they're like, hey, I'm so sorry, I can't do Friday. Could you do Thursday? You're like, okay, fine. I can make an exception, right? Like, especially if there's somebody really great.

That's, I think, it is really just about feeling in control of your dating life. And that's okay if you're like, hey, I do my first dates on a Friday or Saturday. That way I don't have to worry about work. Absolutely. That's a boundary that you're setting. The other alternative could be I also leave a Tuesday at 6 o'clock just for me because I don't do late nights. For me, like, I'm up at 5 a.m.

That's, I think, it is really just about feeling in control of your dating life. And that's okay if you're like, hey, I do my first dates on a Friday or Saturday. That way I don't have to worry about work. Absolutely. That's a boundary that you're setting. The other alternative could be I also leave a Tuesday at 6 o'clock just for me because I don't do late nights. For me, like, I'm up at 5 a.m.