Sabrina Zohar

And we ended up hooking up. And fast forward, here we are. We went to dinner after. I never have felt the spark with him because my nervous system has always felt very safe with him because he's not inconsistent. He's not doing any of those things. He's being very upfront, consistent, safe, reciprocal. He communicates. And that's different for me. And the thing is, the spark often is familiarity.

One, take a break. You have every right to say, I don't want a date right now. I need to take a minute. I'm exhausted, right? Take some time. But on top of that, so then we start to go in and say, let's start to talk about what's causing the burnout. Is it that I say I'm going on a thousand dates and I'm not getting second dates?

Notice how you went after all these men. And what did you say earlier? They reminded me of my dad. Because that's what the spark leads us to is that people that feel familiar that are often end up usually hurting us because we're chasing a feeling. And when that feeling fades, what do you have left?

Notice how you went after all these men. And what did you say earlier? They reminded me of my dad. Because that's what the spark leads us to is that people that feel familiar that are often end up usually hurting us because we're chasing a feeling. And when that feeling fades, what do you have left?

Notice how you went after all these men. And what did you say earlier? They reminded me of my dad. Because that's what the spark leads us to is that people that feel familiar that are often end up usually hurting us because we're chasing a feeling. And when that feeling fades, what do you have left?

Notice how you went after all these men. And what did you say earlier? They reminded me of my dad. Because that's what the spark leads us to is that people that feel familiar that are often end up usually hurting us because we're chasing a feeling. And when that feeling fades, what do you have left?

Notice how you went after all these men. And what did you say earlier? They reminded me of my dad. Because that's what the spark leads us to is that people that feel familiar that are often end up usually hurting us because we're chasing a feeling. And when that feeling fades, what do you have left?

Okay, I need to become a better buyer then because I'm going on way too many first dates and not really vetting these people well. we kind of have to understand where the burnout really lies. So if it's that, if it's I'm just tired of the apps and feeling disappointed, okay, you know what? Let me use them passively.

Let me see who tries to match with me, and then I will decide if I want to match with them. That way, I don't feel like I'm being rejected as hard. That's where I kind of go and say, start to get curious about what's the narrative that's being associated with the burnout. Is it that I don't feel like anyone's ever gonna like me? Nobody, oh God, everybody good is taken.

Oh, okay, I have black and white thinking, right? There's no facts to back up that every good person is taken. There's a lot of good people getting divorced, right? There's a lot of good people breaking up too. There's an evolution, there's a cycle. So we have to look and say, am I being rigid?

Am I having black and white thinking that's causing me to reaffirm my core beliefs that there's something wrong with me? oh, okay, maybe that's why I'm feeling burnt out. I'm being so hard on myself. I'm not having any compassion. Or is it because, like I said, you're not being a better buyer. You're going out with anybody that gives you the time of day. Oh, you know what?

I need to have better boundaries. This doesn't work for me. Is it because I'm overgiving, right? I meet somebody on one date and I'm ready, I'm buying them gifts and I'm trying to do everything to get them to like me. I need to pull it back. That's exhausting. I'm not having reciprocity.

So I think it's about just understanding where we fall on that, getting curious with ourselves, and then understanding what are boundaries and parameters I can put so that I feel comfortable. Coffee dates or one date a week, right?

Those are beautiful boundaries for yourself to say, I'm going to protect my mental health, but I'm also still going to remain open and receptive because I do want a relationship.

First date. Because here's the reality. I'm not saying first date, you have to start talking about, okay, I'm going to have six children. We're going to have a house in the cottage in the woods and we're going to... No, no, no, no. But if I'm going on a date with you and I know, okay, I'm 34, right? Me personally, I'm 34. If I were dating right now, I don't want children.

So to me, it's not an issue. But if I wanted children, I'd go... okay, Zohar, you got like two, three more years before this becomes geriatric, or it already is, before it becomes more dangerous for your health. So that means on a first date, the first thing I'm going to say is, hey, I'm super intentional. I want marriage and family. Does that align with you? Because if the guy goes, no, I'm good.

I don't want any more children. Great. I don't need to hang out with you again. No, thank you. Right? It's not about having a checklist that you're like, oh, perfect. You align with that. It's about getting curious with somebody. I talked to my partner about how'd your last relationship end and what did it teach you about yourself? I wanted to see if he took accountability.

I wanted to see if he was going to blame his ex. Oh, my ex was crazy. Was she? Were they? They were crazy, huh? Tell me more. That's an interesting. I want to know, what are your political views? Are you super rigid on that? Because if I'm conservative, you're a liberal or vice versa, we're only going to have fights. This is not going to work.

That's the type of shit because we want to understand that your time is valuable. Let me ask you a question. If you had a client come to you, you're going to ask the hard questions off the bat, right? Hey, what's your budget? How much do you have, right? Or whatever, like all of the variables because you don't want to waste your time. It's the same with dating.

The reason I like how did your last relationship end and what did it teach you about yourself? We're not talking about your ex. So it's not about saying, oh, well, my ex was all of these things. Okay, I didn't ask you about them. I asked you how it ended and what did you learn about yourself? So that right there is a great way to see, do they take accountability? Are they over their ex?