Sam Troth

So I always used to thought that I was like active because I worked, you know, work on my hands every day.

But it's a lot different than actually going for a walk, an intentional walk and nature and things like that, bro.

Yeah, just simple stuff.

and then just helped me navigate, okay, so, you know, like let's look at what happened and then looking at, okay, so where are you at with your relationship with your parents or where are you at with this or where needs attention, you know?

And so that was a big part of it was sort of working through those feelings that I had towards my parents and that resentment, obviously, blame, you know, because you're pointing it at other places, blame on myself, you know, just shifting all of that.

I don't talk to my mum anymore um you know I needed closure um so a big thing that I worked on with my um psychologist was you know all of those unsaid things that I was carrying they needed to be said so um in order to get closure in order to sort of close that box up and move on to the next issue so um

through that process of communicating with my mother, I got closure, but I didn't, the context wasn't the same, you know, expecting them to drop their life and come and rescue you for something that happened 30 years ago or something.

It's just not fucking realistic, eh, bro?

Expecting them to be, um, as maternal as you are or as empathetic or as under, you know, they're different.

You can't control how someone receives, you know, so, um,

so that i could move forward on it bro i we see what we said to each other and it's been left there and we haven't spoken since and that's better than trying to have a relationship that i'm never going to get what i wanted or what i'm sorry what i need um so for my peace of mind and for my healing i've had to close that door and leave it closed

so was that the rock bottom 2019 yeah where you've where you've just decided yeah that was rock bottom though yeah and since then everything's been up up up bro it's been good um the best thing i ever did man was was reach out for help was reach out for professional help was you know to tell the people around me that i loved that i was fucking struggling and what i was thinking um

And I was overwhelmed with the support that I got.

It was awesome.

not take myself out you know for me it was my children you know just be there you can get them back you just gotta be better you know work on yourself is that what got you through yeah yeah huge part of it huge part of it um sadly like probably most men in New Zealand you know I've lost bros to suicide and even recently um lost a bro a couple of months ago um

I've seen the shit it leaves behind.

Um...

So, yeah, definitely my children, bro, definitely my children.

And it was around that time, probably just at the end of 19, start of 2020, we got our Whangae kids.

So that was like another chance to raise some children and be present, stuff like that.