Sara Jane Ho
speaker
196 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Dec 2024
Sara Jane Ho’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
So production was delayed because of COVID. It ended up coming out out of COVID, which was end of 2022. But in many ways, I felt that that was more timely because coming out of COVID, everybody had a bit of social anxiety. Our social skills are a bit rusty. We're feeling more isolated and alone than ever.
And you have we have this whole generation, like you said, where I mean, they're going through a mental health crisis and it absolutely is in line with social media and the digital age.
Yeah, so the top five things people should be mindful of when dating, whether online or offline, is first of all, for your first date, keep it casual. Keep it casual and have it so that you can control the time frame. Don't sit down for a three-course dinner. Have a coffee. Take a walk in the park. Because if it's not working out, don't waste your time.
Time is the most valuable thing in everybody's life right now, right? And then so you can control the time and then exit when you need to exit. Secondly, I would say the first three days are getting to know someone, but don't go too heavy. Like wait till date three to see if you actually, when you get to know somebody, you see if you're attracted to somebody.
Because by date three, you kind of should know if you're attracted or not before digging into all of their personal history, right? Before, you know, asking about their exes, their divorce, or, you know, kids, et cetera, all that stuff. When it comes to sex, because you just mentioned, right? And so in the book, I say, wait for as long as you can stand it.
Not that I'm saying a one-eyed stand is bad. Hey, like I don't judge. And I think everybody should have a bit of fun. But if you're looking for a serious relationship, then you should wait for as long as you can stand it. And actually it'll be better.
And then I would say that, like, for me, I had my best relationships when I was the best version of myself. And listen, all of our issues stem from childhood. And there's no such thing as perfect parenting. Right.
So I think the sooner you can understand your own issues and the emotional damage from your childhood and the sooner you can work on that, whether it's reading self-help books, whether it's listening to podcasts. whether it's getting therapy, which I'm a huge proponent of, and the sooner you can become the best version of yourself, you're like a mirror.
You will attract the best partner that you can attract.
That is really interesting. And I can see that. I can see that we are becoming very coddled. So it's a fine balance and it's a balance that, you know, I think, I think we need to think critically for ourselves, you know, so, so much of his hood mentality and we just jump on and that's cancel culture too, as well. Right. It's like jumping on high behind the screen, no accountability.
What happened to thinking for yourself and thinking about what's important to you and thinking about what you want to do about it?
I'm sure my ex-boyfriend is wearing this right now. But well, yeah, who knows? He blocked me. And by the way, obviously you changed his name, right? Or no, you didn't. Oh, obviously. I kept the first letter the same. So any good anecdote, good story where it's a praise, I keep the real name. If it's a negative story, I change the name, but I keep the first letter as the same.
100%.
I love it. I love that. Okay. So tell us why. Okay. So explain that. And of course, I mean, it was a New York Times style profile that came out in January, 2023. Okay. And when I, of course they take the one thing that I say out of like a 36 hour, you know, of them shadowing me and they make that the headline.
I love it. Of course. So when I saw it, I, I cringed and then I sent it to my cousin, Adrian, who I'm closest with. And when she saw it, she was like, OMG. And I was dying. I mean, I really wanted to post it on Instagram or social media because it's a New York Times style profile. And I love the photo. And everything else about the article is great. And I was like, ah.
And then 10 minutes later, when Adrienne finished, she finished reading the article. She was like, you know what? It's the perfect title. Because it talks about how etiquette is contextual. And so saying the etiquette guru who broke up with her boyfriend over text, it's contextual. And now I embrace the title. And that ex, his friend sent me the title along with comments like, what a title.
terrible relationship and you get the courage in that moment to do it then just do it the problem is does it ever stick if in your case it obviously step you know stuck but a lot of times people go back and forth anyway it doesn't well you know we were on again off again and because he was in i i knew you know it i was on how he was very insecure and controlling and so i'm i was it was day nine of shooting my netflix show i was like here i am telling my students to live their best lives and over here i have this needy and controlling boyfriend who's making me cry all the time and show up on set with puffy eyes
And so I was like, you know what? This is it. We're done. And at that point, I was maybe 34 years old. And you think like, oh, it's some cost fallacy, right? We learned this in Harvard Business School. It's like, oh, I invested four years in this relationship already and I'm already this age. Maybe I should just stay with it because who knows? It's hard to meet somebody these days.
Literally, when I sent that text, I was prepared to be single for the rest of my life. I was like, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be in a relationship that makes me unhappy. I felt as free as a bird after just cutting it off.
And I think I needed something as intense and overwhelming as shooting a Netflix show to push me to make that decision because I literally didn't have an ounce, not even like a millimeter of space for anything that was not adding value to my life.
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