Sarah Kanowski

Besides, it gives me really unhappy memories.

I don't like to be there except when the kids are there.

Then it became, I can't have you there unless they're there and they're not ready for that because it's our cocoon.

It was where we sort of all bunkered down after the divorce.

So the excuses unfolded.

There was one night we drove past it and he pointed it out and I thought he was going to take me in and he said, no, no, no, the kids aren't there.

They've got to be there to welcome you as well.

It's their house too.

And I was really uncomfortable with this.

I knew that it was not a good sign, but...

I felt I was in a very difficult, fragile situation because I assumed that what he told me was true about the difficult divorce.

And I thought, these children are damaged, he's damaged, they're very, very fragile and I need to be very gentle here.

I can't go blundering in and demanding, which isn't my nature anyhow, but I can't blunder in and be demanding and I need to be very polite and very gentle and calm.

So I told him it was a deal breaker and he said, I understand that, but it kept on spinning out and out and out.

Yes, I did meet the children briefly twice.

I met them over at high dinner, which he... Now I can look back, I think he probably ended it, Joe probably ended it prematurely because I'd started to ask the kids questions about moving between the... I was...

grappling for conversation with these two young kids.

And I bumbled along in the conversation.

I was so nervous trying to sort of think of things to talk about.

And I asked a question about, asked the daughter a question about, is it tricky to remember to take everything between your mum and dad's houses?