Sarah Ruth Thomas

I've got money put aside for a day and I'm sure people are hiring nearby.

Just keeps piling on, doesn't it?

I keep seeing that fucking number 14 everywhere.

I keep thinking about Valerie.

I'm so sick of being paranoid.

I'm so tired.

I'm so fucking tired.

I don't consider myself an amazing person by any stretch of the imagination.

Truly, I often find myself feeling like I take up space rather than do anything else.

Fuck, I hate these thoughts so fucking much.

But here I am, putting them into this journal I've personified so I don't feel half as fucking lonely.

I'm a wreck.

This has eaten away at the healthiest parts of my brain and I'm at a loss at how to get away from it.

I don't know, hopefully visiting mom will help, but I've got 12 days to dwell on all that before that's happened.

Fuck, there's one more episode of that accursed shit that might pop up on my windows at this point.

I've lost everything.

And I fucking hate being a walking pity party.

But I feel like shit and I just want to feel happy again.

Please just let this have a happy ending.

2-11-2021, 7-14 p.m.