Sarah Wildman

Everything's brought to you. And you sit. You just really sit low. And every single day, the entire community is supposed to surround you. And then you emerge out of that, and you have a 30-day period of... of mourning. And then you emerge out of that.

Everything's brought to you. And you sit. You just really sit low. And every single day, the entire community is supposed to surround you. And then you emerge out of that, and you have a 30-day period of... of mourning. And then you emerge out of that.

Everything's brought to you. And you sit. You just really sit low. And every single day, the entire community is supposed to surround you. And then you emerge out of that, and you have a 30-day period of... of mourning. And then you emerge out of that.

And if you're a child mourning a parent, you then have a whole following year where every single day for 11 months, you stand up and you say the mourner's prayer, the mourner's Kaddish. If you lose a child, all the mourning rituals end at 30 days. There's nothing beyond it. There are no rules or If you lose a parent, you're not supposed to attend a wedding, to go to a concert.

And if you're a child mourning a parent, you then have a whole following year where every single day for 11 months, you stand up and you say the mourner's prayer, the mourner's Kaddish. If you lose a child, all the mourning rituals end at 30 days. There's nothing beyond it. There are no rules or If you lose a parent, you're not supposed to attend a wedding, to go to a concert.

And if you're a child mourning a parent, you then have a whole following year where every single day for 11 months, you stand up and you say the mourner's prayer, the mourner's Kaddish. If you lose a child, all the mourning rituals end at 30 days. There's nothing beyond it. There are no rules or If you lose a parent, you're not supposed to attend a wedding, to go to a concert.

You're not supposed to attend a joyful dinner. You're not supposed to incur joy in some way. You're not supposed to go out of your way to do something that's particularly delightful unless it has to do with your work. As a parent who's lost a child, you can do whatever you want. I found this fascinating. Completely destabilizing. I wanted them to tell me that I needed a policy of abnegation.

You're not supposed to attend a joyful dinner. You're not supposed to incur joy in some way. You're not supposed to go out of your way to do something that's particularly delightful unless it has to do with your work. As a parent who's lost a child, you can do whatever you want. I found this fascinating. Completely destabilizing. I wanted them to tell me that I needed a policy of abnegation.

You're not supposed to attend a joyful dinner. You're not supposed to incur joy in some way. You're not supposed to go out of your way to do something that's particularly delightful unless it has to do with your work. As a parent who's lost a child, you can do whatever you want. I found this fascinating. Completely destabilizing. I wanted them to tell me that I needed a policy of abnegation.

I wanted them to tell me that you should be recognized as a mourner every day because in truth, in the modern world, you are seen as a mourner. Someone who's lost a child is seen differently, is sort of outside society all the time. And yet, because these rules were set in antiquity, when unfortunately child loss was far more prevalent— You had no rules. You could do whatever you wanted.

I wanted them to tell me that you should be recognized as a mourner every day because in truth, in the modern world, you are seen as a mourner. Someone who's lost a child is seen differently, is sort of outside society all the time. And yet, because these rules were set in antiquity, when unfortunately child loss was far more prevalent— You had no rules. You could do whatever you wanted.

I wanted them to tell me that you should be recognized as a mourner every day because in truth, in the modern world, you are seen as a mourner. Someone who's lost a child is seen differently, is sort of outside society all the time. And yet, because these rules were set in antiquity, when unfortunately child loss was far more prevalent— You had no rules. You could do whatever you wanted.

And that felt like you were in free fall. And so we started to sort of change things a little bit. And, you know, one thing Orly did really early on after the first brain tumor and that she got back on a surfboard and got back on a bike. One day she biked off from me. we had been gifted a house, a very, very tiny, beautiful little space on Martha's Vineyard. And she'd biked away from me.

And that felt like you were in free fall. And so we started to sort of change things a little bit. And, you know, one thing Orly did really early on after the first brain tumor and that she got back on a surfboard and got back on a bike. One day she biked off from me. we had been gifted a house, a very, very tiny, beautiful little space on Martha's Vineyard. And she'd biked away from me.

And that felt like you were in free fall. And so we started to sort of change things a little bit. And, you know, one thing Orly did really early on after the first brain tumor and that she got back on a surfboard and got back on a bike. One day she biked off from me. we had been gifted a house, a very, very tiny, beautiful little space on Martha's Vineyard. And she'd biked away from me.

And I found her sitting on a jetty, looking out to the sea with a book and a journal. And she said, this is what I needed. This is so good for my mental health. And it was just all this beauty. And she was able to take in that beauty. And I thought, okay, that's what she tried to do. That's what we'll do in this first year morning period in free fall and when we don't have to do anything.

And I found her sitting on a jetty, looking out to the sea with a book and a journal. And she said, this is what I needed. This is so good for my mental health. And it was just all this beauty. And she was able to take in that beauty. And I thought, okay, that's what she tried to do. That's what we'll do in this first year morning period in free fall and when we don't have to do anything.

And I found her sitting on a jetty, looking out to the sea with a book and a journal. And she said, this is what I needed. This is so good for my mental health. And it was just all this beauty. And she was able to take in that beauty. And I thought, okay, that's what she tried to do. That's what we'll do in this first year morning period in free fall and when we don't have to do anything.

We don't have to say a prayer every day. We're not recognized in the community in the same way. So we're going to have to reset this and make our own path.

We don't have to say a prayer every day. We're not recognized in the community in the same way. So we're going to have to reset this and make our own path.