Saskia

My sister.

I think I used to feel like she wanted to be there, but it was just one more thing in her life that she felt like she wanted to fix.

Now she kind of asks, like, do you just want me to be here to listen?

I've always put a lot of pressure on myself not to show how much pain I'm in.

I would never reach out to a friend to vent.

I wouldn't answer my phone unless I was in a good mood.

I would look internally and be like, how can I fix myself so I can be okay for other people?

But after her discovery, there was no putting on a happy face.

Everything went dark for me.

And being around people that just had normal lives or happy relationships or we're talking about, I don't know what they bought at the store.

It was easier for me to stay away.

I've been not dealing with that, not thinking about it.

I don't think I knew how hard it was going to be, how much I had suppressed in this to just get by.

I can't tell you how many good tears I've cried.

Realizing how much people care about me, it's nice.

I'm growing and also I think my relationships have kind of transformed also.

I was so anxious about doing a good job in telling my story that my nervous system was just in overdrive and it felt like too much to go out or entertain.

I want to actually enjoy life, and I don't feel like I always have to show up with a happy face.

I can just be me.

Seven years ago, I really thought that my life was over.