Sean Gold

So it's the first night of summer camp and I'm trying really hard to bond with the other guys in the dorm when one of them goes, hey, Sean, tell us about your first kiss.

And I'm like, oh, this is my nightmare question for two reasons.

One, I am a huge dork.

At this point in my life at 16, I've only kissed like my PSAT book for good luck.

And...

And two, I am in the closet, so anything about intimacy in general makes me retreat into my body like a shy turtle.

But luckily, I have prepared an answer for this very specific question, a fake answer.

So I turn to him and I go, my first kiss was Sarah Brown.

We met at Disney World.

Sparks flew.

We had our first kiss outside the France Pavilion at Epcot.

But unfortunately, you know, we lost touch and the guys are like, oh, very good, yes.

So we're leaving the room and one of them goes, hey, did you really kiss Sarah Brown?

And I'm like, oh, as a matter of fact, yes, I did.

And he goes, oh, that's so crazy because like, you know, she's here.

And I was like, what?

Who is here?

So it turns out that there may or may not be a Sarah Brown in Florida, but there definitely was a Sarah Brown at this camp in the girls' dorm.

That in itself is not a problem, because then I was going to go to plan B. Oh, wrong Sarah Brown.

Common name, common mistake.