Sean Langan

Like what kind of father am I?

They're going to suffer their whole life.

So I realized a bit like the execution, I had to put that away out of my mind.

And I would take out my son's photo once or twice a week, look at for one minute, put back in the shoe.

But to get through this ordeal, you couldn't think about what might happen in death, but you couldn't think about the good things happening.

too much in life, like your children, because you don't want to think about if you were killed, the suffering you'll cause them.

Because if you sit there in a cell scratching off the days, like in the movies, time can kill you.

It causes madness because you don't know when you're going to survive, released, killed, not knowing, passing of time.

in a room that's dark after.

There was a little bit of light coming through the window above where they boarded it off, but by the afternoon it'd be dark.

And I'd read somewhere that if you break time down into routine, you control things and it passes much quicker, rather than if you're

waiting to be killed.

So I would get up in the morning, exercise, shower with a bucket shower, pray, think of my friends, and then exercise and plan how to bond.

And routine keeps you going.

They would bring in tea so I'd have green tea I would sit the back of this cell there was a small hole like and I if I crouched to the back of the room and

and I'd have my green tea and a cigarette.

I could look out and there was an apricot tree.

I could see the bush of an apricot tree.

If I squinted, I could see beyond the fields.

Sometimes you see the women working in the fields and beyond that, the snow-capped mountains, the Hindu Kush.