Sean Langan

the women who I never saw but they became very part of my life as well because I could hear them and as time wore on and the family came to my on my side I would hear the women outside sing but also the food got much better because they heard I had malnutrition from their husbands and they made a real effort they would walk miles to get some fresh vegetables so but they were an unseen part of this but one night

The Taliban commander was saying, right, you didn't answer all the questions we'd given you.

And I said, yeah.

He said, the two, you didn't answer the names of your children.

What are the names of your children?

Which they would need for proof of life.

You know, if mine negotiates saying what's the names of his children, we all know if Sean's alive.

And for some reason, I couldn't divulge the names of my children because the

they were part of my survival, my little space, which I kept because you're, you're taught when they say your safe space is being violated.

I mean, it is, you're being violated physically and psychologically.

You've got no, uh, when you're strip serves and things, but I had these children and I couldn't bring their names into this situation.

You know, he was four and three and I just found myself sitting there telling them,

i'm terribly sorry i can't give you the names of my children and the taliban commander who needs he said no no you've got to we've been ordered i've been ordered to get the names and if you don't in order to shoot and i just found myself no fear of being shot i'd made peace with my death but just physically unable to say the names of my children and i said i i'm so sorry i and i was genuinely sorry

I can't help you, and I really want to help you.

And I said, you know, I wouldn't ask a Pashtun man the name of his wife, but I can't tell you because I don't want to bring such light innocence into this dark business.

And so I put a gun to my head.

I said, you've got to.

And now the family are watching this, and they've been told he's an unbeliever, he's a spy.

And so the Taliban's got its gun to my head.

And I just say, I'm sorry, you'll have to shoot me.