Seth Dale

100%.

Whoa.

Hell yeah.

Well, dude, you're from New Orleans.

And I said, eat shit. And I hung up.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

No. Different Jews.

Things are going so well for the Jews right now. Walk in for this feels really comforting.

Sorry. We're Jews.

That's all right.

We're Jews. I know.

Look at the outfit. I noticed. You look great.

I am not. Yuck. That's a yuck. No, that's okay. We love you.

You're not offended by that, right? I think you're just upset because you now realize we have more of us than you.

Oh, an Italian gym? She's in an Italian gym.

My wife actually got me tickets to see your show in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

I do all the way to Connecticut for you.

You were just about to be too big for...

I didn't get a chance to formally meet Seth.

Hi, I'm Rachel. Rachel, yes. Hey.

We met, yes. We met. Nice to meet you. We did meet in the elevator.

I did. I saw you for my birthday present, actually.

Don't worry Sam is a toxic person, but the rest of us are pretty nice Oh, you know I actually at the end of this I definitely need to try some bodega cat I should go I Actually, I'm excited to see me.

Which way which way is the best way to face? Oh

I think we should be okay.

Mr. Mark Norman is going to come up and help us out.

That's awesome.

I'm going to have you come right over here. Yeah, we look great. Come stand right over here. Face everybody's face. All right, you go. And I learned a trick this morning just for you. Now, I have a couple important questions. What's the most important thing in life? Anal. Anal. The answer is trust. You need to trust me, Seth Magician. You do everything right, you'll be fine.

Two hands. Sam, the best part about this is if you tell people you're a magician, they do whatever you want. It's awesome.

That is allowed. Perfect. You can relax for one second. I'm going to ask you two important questions. First important question, what's the most important thing in life? Trust. Second important question, do you have any shoulder mobility issues?

I know you have some back problems. It's better. Joe doesn't have shoulder mobility issues. All right, enough. Here's what we're going to do.

All right, here's what we're going to do. Place this in your left hand. Got it. I have my bottle of water imported from Poland.

I know you guys had O's on, so that's why I had big shoes to fill. Hopefully, if we do this right, you'll be fine.

No, you're good. Just in this one. I thought that was fun. Place both hands on the cup. Turn face this way. Say, I trust Seth the magician.

Perfect. Face forward. Say, hi, I trust Seth the magician. I trust Seth the magician. Right hand, place that over your head. Your head's over here, buddy. On the count of three, we're going to flip over those cups. You're going to do this because you trust me. I'm your friend. Are you ready? Sam, you ready? Rachel? Four on my head? Yeah, on the count of three. Help me count to three.

Whoa.

Interesting choice.

That's right. You can have it back to your seat.

Yeah, we're going to get to some explanations right now.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I just want to draw a record that's not true in the slightest.

Man, pointless hole. I'm going to need to catch up. Call her a pointless hole.

Rachel, this is for you. Don't blink or you'll miss it. I brought a modern version of one of the first tricks I used to do. Oh, shit. Need my trusty magic wands. Rachel, did you see what happened?

It changed. What? and filled back up. Ta-da!

Wait, there's another one in there. I know what you're thinking, Mark. Change it back. Ta-da!

There's two bottles.

That was nuts.

That's his piss, by the way. It is. I want the magic piss. Sam, this is for you. Let's keep going. Sam, I'm going to tell you the truth. The lower the number, the quicker this goes. Can you pick a number for me between 1 and 52? Five. Beautiful. Any reason?

Perfect. Now, here's what we're going to do. I left a prediction. I'm going to leave this right over here for you.

Just some suspenseful. Sam, here's what we're going to do. Watch. I'm going to do this really slow. We're going to go one, two, three, four, five. Actually, before we start, do you have a pocket? I'm going to give you a prediction.

I'll give you a prediction. Do me a favor. Place this in your pocket. Don't look at it just yet.

Perfect. All right, we're going to count to five.

All right, ready? We go one, two, three, four, and five. Keep me honest. Here, I'll do it like this so everybody can see. Now, before we show you your card, I want to tell you it's not the same card.

Because there's only one of each. It's actually your card divided in half.

Okay, here we go.

Seven.

What about it? My prediction, shit, was your card divided in half.

All right, here, go ahead. No, he was five. Take a look for me.

What about five? You can't put an Asian girl on the screen. I want to show you something.

We go one, two, three, four. You didn't pick four because four would have been blank. Yeah. Six was blank.

It's blank, except for one. Joe, do me a favor. Before we started. I'm lost. Do me a favor. Can you flip over that card box for me?

We try. We try. What about the wife? Is she going to do stuff? She is just going to contemplate that she married a magician. All right. Joe, you're not doing anything. Nope. Do me a favor. I know we might be drunk, so I brought along little shot glasses. Okay. Here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Just check out that shot glass for me.

See if you see anything inside you can't see through or anything like that. Perfect.

Perfect. Now here's what I want you to do. Whatever number you want, I want you to just have it face up and place the shot glass on top and let me know when you're done.

Wait, now what do I do once I have my number? Place it on top.

Yes, sir. Is the shot glass on top? You want to check their papers? All right, here's what I want to do. I want you to just say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. So there's really no such thing as magic. And so what we really try and do is read people. So I want you to just say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I will say it.

Now I get why he's adopted.

You paused at one, show me the two. I did not pause at one. Take a look, show me the two.

Let's do this one more time. Let's do this one more time. Let's do it one more time.

I would rather do another Bar Mitzvah than do magic for you. Wait, wait, wait. I'd rather do a performance in another Bar Mitzvah than do magic for you. No, I'm just kidding.

Here's what we're going to do. All right. Here's what I'm going to do. Every time, let's do it a little different. Everything I ask you, I want you just to say no to. Just always respond no.

Do me a favor. Just go, everything I say, just say no. Or do you want to do one, two, three, four, five, six? What do you want to do?

Say the numbers?

One more time.

I heard a pause. You heard it? Yep. At three, show me the three. Wow.

Did I pause it for you? Yeah, you did. You did. I caught it. So here's what we're going to do. That's amazing, man. You're really good. No poker face. Sam, I got you a present.

No. We're going to get back to it in one second. We'll just leave it right there for you. It matches. It looks beautiful. That is a good match.

So you made a two-digit number, Joe, right? All right, we're just going to keep going. I don't want Sam to fall asleep on me. If my hero falls asleep on me, it doesn't make me feel good. All right. So you made a two-digit number, correct? I made a two-digit number? Yeah, your first number and your second number. Oh, yes, yes. Here's what I'm going to do. Is it two and a three? Yes. Got it.

Mark, can you do me a favor?

Oh, the notes app? The notes app. All right. Perfect. And I want you to scroll down to, you should be at celebrities. I see it. Can you just memorize who's at 23?

Groceries. Got it. Perfect. And I want to scroll again to 23 for me.

Got it. Got it.

Now, Sam, you've been holding on to my prediction. You can just put that down if you want. All right. This is fucking wild. You have two things in mind.

You have a celebrity as well as a grocery item. Yeah, we both got it.

Sam, I got you a present. Can you open it up for me?

Oh, man. Oh, do you need some scissors? I do. You can punch it if you want. If this is what I saw on the phone.

Ernest Goes to... Oh, no.

Oh, what were you thinking? That's not what you were thinking. No.

Ernest P. Laurel. I did bring an emergency consolation gift.

Wait a minute. This is different, too. Who owns this building? There's a giant mezuzah when you walk in. That's true. Sam, I feel really bad, so I brought a consolation prize. I brought a bunch of cereals. Yam-a-rill. Yam-a-rill. I'll see you all in hell. Can you do me a favor, Sam? Can you just take out any one of the cereals you want? Pick a cereal. Pick a cereal. Any cereal.

Do you want to change your mind? No. Fruit Loop it is. All right, can you do me a favor? This is getting pretty elaborate, Seth. Will you open that up for me? We're just here for hours.

He's like, go down the street. Turn in there. Pick out a dress. Okay. All right, go ahead. Can you open that up for me? And can you open up the cereal?

You got a shot of this guy?

Oh, that camera. Sam, inside the cereal, there should be something.

Mark, what was it? Stop it. Tell him, Rich.

Wow. I had a cane first. All right, I want to show you guys one more thing, then I'm getting out of here.

Let's do... You're killing it, by the way. Sam, thank you. Yeah, you're great.

You made those nitwits laugh today. I love it. When you were a little kid, did you ever have a magician come to your birthday party? Nah, that wouldn't be too much magic. Have you ever had a magician come to your birthday party?

I wish. My parents didn't work around.

That's true, I know. Or he wouldn't have committed biological father.

Hold out both your hands. Face down towards me.

I'm going to draw a picture. I'm going to show it to Sam first. It's a person.

Do you know who it is? It's a penis. No, it's not a penis.

No, it's my ex-girlfriend. Here's what I want you to do. Sam, do me a favor. Tap one of Mark's hands. Place your other hand down. Mark, did you feel it happen? They never do.

Take a look.