Shade Zahrai

We wait for that feeling and then we wonder why we never get there.

and we're still waiting and preparing and planning, but never actually taking the step.

And it's because that feeling that we've associated with confidence doesn't actually come before we take action.

When we look at decades worth of research, what my own research has found is that that feeling comes after you take the action.

Because you have to do the thing, whatever that thing is, the speaking up, the taking the risk, the approaching the new person at the bar, that taking on the health goal, you know, getting to the gym, you have to do it at least once.

so that your brain gets this proof point, this evidence that, okay, I can do the thing, I did the thing, which then boosts what's called self-efficacy, which is your belief that you can do the thing, and then that leads you to that feeling of confidence.

So if that feeling that we've associated with confidence comes after, what needs to come before?

And so again, when we look at the word confidence, if we look at its origins,

It comes from the Latin con and fidere.

I'm hoping that I said that with the right accent, con and fidere, which literally means with trust.

So what does that tell us?

That tells us that before we do anything, in order to do the thing, we have to trust ourselves.

That is the key.

That is the missing link.

You don't have to know all the answers.

You don't have to feel confident yet because that's the wrong goal.

You just need to trust that you'll be able to handle whatever comes your way and trust that even if it doesn't work out, you'll be okay.

You will learn from it.

You'll grow.

You'll be able to take better steps next time and improve.