Shankar Vedantam

Our last 10 years together were really the best.

Being able to accept him as he was and him being able to appreciate me for who I was changed everything.

I lost him to cancer three years ago.

I am finally starting to find my way without him.

He was the only man I ever loved.

I was able to tell him that I never stopped loving him and was able to be with him during his illness.

It was a privilege to be at his side.

James, you say that it can be sometimes helpful to do what Ellen did here.

She reminded herself of what had first drawn her to her partner.

What is the advantage of engaging in this kind of mental activity?

And can a separation help people do exactly that?

James Cordova is a psychologist at Clark University.

He's the author of The Mindful Path to Intimacy, Cultivating a Deeper Connection with Your Partner.

James, thank you so much for joining me today on Hidden Brain.

Hidden Brain is produced by Hidden Brain Media.

Our audio production team includes Annie Murphy-Paul, Kristen Wong, Laura Querell, Ryan Katz, Autumn Barnes, Andrew Chadwick and Nick Woodbury.

Tara Boyle is our executive producer.

I'm Hidden Brain's executive editor.

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In each edition, we'll bring you new and interesting insights on human behavior along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy.