Shankar Vedantam

When the story starts, Jennifer is preparing for an important event in her life.

Paint a picture of the scene for me, Leslie.

So sometime after her divorce, Jennifer's brother sends her an email that changes everything.

What's in this email, Leslie?

Yeah, because Jennifer in some ways got comfort from what her mother was saying, but her mother in some ways was not sharing that the terms of her relationship with her husband involved seeing other people.

And there was, as you say, a release valve in this marriage.

Did Jennifer ever confront Donna about what she had said previously?

All of us make choices in nearly every moment of our lives about what to share with others and what to keep private.

These decisions have consequences for our health, our well-being, and our relationships.

When we come back, the psychology of self-concealment.

You're listening to Hidden Brain.

I'm Shankar Vedantam.

I'm Shankar Vedantam.

Leslie John is a psychologist at Harvard Business School.

She studies self-concealment and self-disclosure.

Leslie, most of us are keenly aware of the dangers of oversharing.

We've all heard stories about someone who, you know, posted a photo of themselves at a drunken frat party and then they got turned down for a job years later.

Talk for a moment about this.

Our default position is often, when in doubt, say nothing.

Let's look at some of the ways in which concealment can hurt us.