Sheinelle Jones

I'm sure it will always hurt, but I would like to work on that piece.

And so when I tell you that I carry two things and I'm a walking ball of grief, it doesn't mean that I'm crying all the time.

It just means I go to my stream a lot.

No, I don't.

I think it is all part of this complicated life that we don't understand.

You know, when you grow up in the church and there's an answer for everything.

So the answer is faith.

And then I got to be 47 and the guy I've been with since I was 19 died.

So then it's like, oh.

okay, what do I really believe?

What do I really think about this?

And so I've had to really dig deep and think about how I wrestle with it.

Because frankly, up until this point, you know, it's been pretty great.

Life's not perfect.

But for the most part, I've been able to make it make sense.

This is the first thing that I can't really make it make sense.

I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to laugh again or I wouldn't have my joy.

And oh my God, I'm going to cry.

But they dance together.

My joy is heightened.