Sheinelle Jones

So he finds me, and I think it's because I've allowed myself to open my heart to it.

I am a walking ball of grief.

It's like when I tell you I hold two things, I know who I want to be.

And so the woman I want to be has joy.

The woman I want to be continues to do new things and experience new things.

But she's hurting and her heart is so heavy.

And so in order to do that, I guess I'm just going to have to bring it with me and carry them both.

And I used to feel in the days after he passed and before I returned to work,

that I was afraid of grief.

It was like scary.

I wanted it to go away.

Get out of my life and go away.

But now I see it differently.

I see grief now as like this beautiful stream that I have around me.

And so I go to the stream when I want to remember.

I go to the stream when I want to reflect.

I go to the stream when I want to think about him and it's peaceful and it loves me back.

It holds the things that I love.

I choose not to put the pain part in it.

I'm still working on that part.