Stephanie Harrison

And while many of us think of loneliness as not having people to rely upon, it's also about you not being able to be reliable for other people, you not being useful and needed in your relationships.

And it's this relationship that I think we really need to return to in order to recognize our

our deep need of each other and how we can be there for one another to support each other every day.

I know that my periods of deepest loneliness came when I wasn't contributing and that my loneliness has been alleviated by showing up more for other people.

Paradoxically, the most effective strategy that people can use when they're lonely is to go out and help somebody else.

And it's that usefulness and that support that we can offer people that paradoxically ends up helping us the most.

Because what happens is when you're lonely in your brain, basically it shifts into something that's called self-preservation mode, where it doesn't want to connect with people anymore.

And so a lot of the loneliness epidemic that we're seeing right now is because we're all focused on ourselves and we're all really nervous about getting rejected and worried about how people see us.

And I know it's hard and scary and can be really uncomfortable, but if you can find a way to do it, even anonymously, like I often counsel people, like go out and see if you can volunteer at your local food bank or if you can do a trash pickup on the beach or wherever it is that you live.

And then that makes it really hard to connect.

But when you're helping somebody, when you go out with the intention of saying, let me go out and help Stephanie with this problem that I know she's having, it's much safer, right?

Most people don't reject help.

Anything where the stakes feel very low.

It's an easy way to start establishing connection.

Even if that's too much, which I understand for some people, like hold the door for somebody at a coffee shop or pay for the person behind you as you're going through the drive-thru, right?

And so by doing that, you're able to say, look,

I'm not alone.

In fact, there are people out here who need me.

And while many of us think of loneliness as not having people to rely upon, it's also about you not being able to be reliable for other people, you not being useful and needed in your relationships.

There are all these little ways to give.