Stephanie Harrison
speaker
575 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard 24 Oct
Stephanie Harrison’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Oct 2025 with 1.
Appearances
the more that we start to recognize our dependence upon one another, the more we can see that actually this need of each other isn't a flaw the way it's been painted in our world, where dependence is almost like a bad word in a way. But dependence on each other is what enables independence. And then independence then furthers dependence.
And it's this relationship that I think we really need to return to in order to recognize dependence. our deep need of each other and how we can be there for one another to support each other every day.
Paradoxically, the most effective strategy that people can use when they're lonely is to go out and help somebody else. Because what happens is when you're lonely in your brain, basically it shifts into something that's called self-preservation mode, where it doesn't want to connect with people anymore.
And so a lot of the loneliness epidemic that we're seeing right now is because we're all focused on ourselves and we're all really nervous about getting rejected and worried about how people see us. And then that makes it really hard to connect. But when you're helping somebody, when you go out with the intention of saying,
Let me go out and help Stephanie with this problem that I know she's having. It's much safer, right? Most people don't reject help. It's an easy way to start establishing connection. And so by doing that, you're able to say, look, I'm not alone. In fact, there are people out here who need me. And while many of us think of loneliness as... not having people to rely upon.
It's also about you not being able to be reliable for other people, you not being useful and needed in your relationships. I know that my periods of deepest loneliness came when I wasn't contributing and that my loneliness has been alleviated by showing up more for other people. And it's that usefulness and that support that we can offer people that paradoxically ends up helping us the most.
And I know it's hard and scary and can be really uncomfortable, but if you can find a way to do it, even anonymously, like I often counsel people, like go out and see if you can volunteer at your local food bank or if you can do a trash pickup on the beach or wherever it is that you live. Anything where... The stakes feel very low.
Even if that's too much, which I understand for some people, like hold the door for somebody at a coffee shop or pay for the person behind you as you're going through the drive-thru, right? There are all these little ways to give. And in giving, we realize actually we're not alone at all, that other people need us.
And that in turn makes it easier for us to lean on them for the support that we want.
It's my little spin on gratitude because at the heart, gratitude is about realizing that Good things happen to you because of other people, as you so beautifully described. And this recognition of taking a moment and thinking about who helped me, we tend to take those actions for granted. I can witness it in myself.
I have a much easier time because of my brain's negativity bias, thinking about the times that I didn't get help versus the times that I did get help. But the times I got help way, way, way outnumber all of the times that I didn't get it. And that's because I'm not looking at it in the right way.
I'm not thinking about, as you said, the mentor who showed up for me or the boss who helped me to learn a specific skill or my friend who checked in on me when I was having a hard day. Those are all moments of help. And if I open my eyes and really appreciate them and notice them, then all of a sudden, for me at least, I feel just so filled with love and gratitude and hope.
And that makes me want to go out and do more for other people too. And to help and to contribute to this virtuous cycle of giving and receiving that we're all a part of.
It's so true. And I love that you've embedded that into your business. That's so powerful. And just building on that, it's really this little moments, right? If we can just fit a couple of those little moments of connectedness into our day, where we realize how lucky we are, where we tune into ourselves, where we check in on ourselves, that's all we really need is just those little pulse checks.
And so fitting it in before you get out of bed or in a meeting, those are such beautiful ways to immerse those little nudges into your life.
I think that the best strategy that we have, according to the research, is really just treating yourself with compassion no matter what you're feeling. And every emotion has a purpose. My fear protects me. My sadness inspires me to lean on other people. My loneliness makes me want to reach out. My anger is to protect me and others.
And if we try and shove those emotions away and just be toxically positive, We're going to miss out on those things that are really important because they ultimately end up helping us in the long run with our happiness. And so when you're feeling a difficult emotion, just don't judge it. It's just a feeling and you're a human being who's allowed to have feelings.
It's okay if you feel stressed or angry or sad. And I often just do something very simple where I just put my hand on my heart and say, it's okay that I feel this way right now. And that little bit of soothing and connection to myself is all that I really need to meet it with compassion and then to be able to move forward and decide what I'd like to do.
And I think it's that combination of tuning into your emotions, honoring them for what they are, and then coming back to the wisest part of you and thinking, well, what am I going to do with this? How am I going to act? How is this aligned with my values? How do I want to behave? And then using that emotion as an input to help me understand how to move forward.
Well, first of all, I just want to express my just profound sorrow for, especially for what you're going through, watching your people. How we can expect to like experience wellbeing when we're witnessing what we're witnessing to me is a really good example of why the third old happy lie exists because we're not separate, right? How am I... How are you?
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