Stephen Colbert

If you're old enough to get into a PG-13 movie, you should be allowed to play the hoops.

If you're old enough to get into a PG-13 movie, you should be allowed to play the hoops.

All right, different example. If the elders of your synagogue pronounce you a man, you're certainly mature enough to play the ball.

All right, different example. If the elders of your synagogue pronounce you a man, you're certainly mature enough to play the ball.

John, what do you have against 13-year-olds? I was old enough to be tried as an adult at 13, so don't tell me an 18 or a 19-year-old isn't mature enough for the NBA. You were in a prison at 13. No, no, no, John. I was tried at 13. They never found the weapon, man. It's amazing how far a little cash-a-roo will go in the criminal justice system. Corruption. Here's the point, John.

John, what do you have against 13-year-olds? I was old enough to be tried as an adult at 13, so don't tell me an 18 or a 19-year-old isn't mature enough for the NBA. You were in a prison at 13. No, no, no, John. I was tried at 13. They never found the weapon, man. It's amazing how far a little cash-a-roo will go in the criminal justice system. Corruption. Here's the point, John.

We need to get these kids in the NBA, because if they're anything like me at that age, they're going to need a lot of cash. Go Wizards!

We need to get these kids in the NBA, because if they're anything like me at that age, they're going to need a lot of cash. Go Wizards!

Shaquille O'Neal, everybody.

Shaquille O'Neal, everybody.

I am soft, by the way, but yeah.

I am soft, by the way, but yeah.

What? Oh!

What? Oh!

On the Sacramento Kings on Monday, the team canceled a planned Lunar New Year promotional giveaway celebrating this, the Year of the Monkey.

On the Sacramento Kings on Monday, the team canceled a planned Lunar New Year promotional giveaway celebrating this, the Year of the Monkey.

When the world's two largest monotheisms learn to accept each other, perhaps live in peace? It's a difficult question. The only way to find an answer is to turn to Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, and even Stephen.

When the world's two largest monotheisms learn to accept each other, perhaps live in peace? It's a difficult question. The only way to find an answer is to turn to Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, and even Stephen.

Guys, I'm sorry. I'm just starting to think that this religion thing, we're not going to settle it in three minutes. So if you could just wrap it up and find some common ground, that would be great.

Guys, I'm sorry. I'm just starting to think that this religion thing, we're not going to settle it in three minutes. So if you could just wrap it up and find some common ground, that would be great.