Steve Carell

That would mean Allah is not the one true God, which we know he is. Don't you see your logic eats itself? First off, it's not my logic, Steve. It's God's logic. As written in the Bible, every word of which is true. And we know every word is true because the Bible says that the Bible is true. And if you remember from earlier in this sentence, every word of the Bible is true.

That would mean Allah is not the one true God, which we know he is. Don't you see your logic eats itself? First off, it's not my logic, Steve. It's God's logic. As written in the Bible, every word of which is true. And we know every word is true because the Bible says that the Bible is true. And if you remember from earlier in this sentence, every word of the Bible is true.

Now, are you following me here or are you some kind of mindless zealot? You know, there is one way of settling this. Crusade. All right, there are two ways of settling this. The one that I was thinking of, a pray-off. You pray to your God, and I will pray to mine, and we will see which one of us gets smited. Great, let's do it. Is your God ready? My God was born ready.

Now, are you following me here or are you some kind of mindless zealot? You know, there is one way of settling this. Crusade. All right, there are two ways of settling this. The one that I was thinking of, a pray-off. You pray to your God, and I will pray to mine, and we will see which one of us gets smited. Great, let's do it. Is your God ready? My God was born ready.

Or not so much born as begotten, not made, one being with the Father ready. All right, on your mark, get set, pray. Done! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm done, I'm done too. And I appear to be unsmoted.

Or not so much born as begotten, not made, one being with the Father ready. All right, on your mark, get set, pray. Done! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm done, I'm done too. And I appear to be unsmoted.

Interesting. Now, am I going to be doing that after I go to paradise to join my bevy of spotless virgins for all eternity? You know, because I just want to give them a heads up where I'm going for eternity.

Interesting. Now, am I going to be doing that after I go to paradise to join my bevy of spotless virgins for all eternity? You know, because I just want to give them a heads up where I'm going for eternity.

Which is funny, because I normally don't care for Jews. We don't either. Really? We seem to find them kind of scheming. We're very big on that, too. Really?

Which is funny, because I normally don't care for Jews. We don't either. Really? We seem to find them kind of scheming. We're very big on that, too. Really?

You know what? We're not so different after all. I'm Steve Carell. And I'm Stephen Colbert. And this has been Even Stephen.

You know what? We're not so different after all. I'm Steve Carell. And I'm Stephen Colbert. And this has been Even Stephen.

You're a total freak. Good evening, I'm Stephen Colbert. And I'm Stephen Carell. In the last two months, natural disasters have been ravaging our country. Hurricanes on the coast, tornadoes in the Midwest, and flooding everywhere in between. Billions of dollars of damage paid for by you, the taxpayer. Tonight's topic, weather, good or bad? Bad. Good. Bad.

You're a total freak. Good evening, I'm Stephen Colbert. And I'm Stephen Carell. In the last two months, natural disasters have been ravaging our country. Hurricanes on the coast, tornadoes in the Midwest, and flooding everywhere in between. Billions of dollars of damage paid for by you, the taxpayer. Tonight's topic, weather, good or bad? Bad. Good. Bad.

Every time a Floyd or a Gert lifts their skirt and relieves themselves on the East Coast, Uncle Sam feels obliged to crawl underneath the plate-class coffee table and throw $20 bills around. Well, I say show's over, folks. It's time to pull the plug on weather. Balderdash. The federal government should stay out of the natural disaster business.

Every time a Floyd or a Gert lifts their skirt and relieves themselves on the East Coast, Uncle Sam feels obliged to crawl underneath the plate-class coffee table and throw $20 bills around. Well, I say show's over, folks. It's time to pull the plug on weather. Balderdash. The federal government should stay out of the natural disaster business.

Today, they're controlling the weather, and tomorrow, who knows? Federal income tax. I bet you and your friend Stalin would like that. You, sir, are an idiot. And I'll tell you why. It's time for those fat cats down in Washington to get off their keisters and pass legislation outlawing these hurricanes and tornadoes forever. Or maybe you just hate children. No, I hate you.

Today, they're controlling the weather, and tomorrow, who knows? Federal income tax. I bet you and your friend Stalin would like that. You, sir, are an idiot. And I'll tell you why. It's time for those fat cats down in Washington to get off their keisters and pass legislation outlawing these hurricanes and tornadoes forever. Or maybe you just hate children. No, I hate you.

If tornadoes are outlawed, then only outlaws will have tornadoes. I'm curious, Steve. What's the weather like up your own ass? Clearly. Clearly, we must close our borders to undesirable foreign weather. All right. All right. You, sir, are a racist. Damn right. And as a racist, I proposed a simple series of giant fans on the Mexican and Canadian borders. Maybe then Johnny would know how to read.

If tornadoes are outlawed, then only outlaws will have tornadoes. I'm curious, Steve. What's the weather like up your own ass? Clearly. Clearly, we must close our borders to undesirable foreign weather. All right. All right. You, sir, are a racist. Damn right. And as a racist, I proposed a simple series of giant fans on the Mexican and Canadian borders. Maybe then Johnny would know how to read.