Steve Carell

Sure, it might be comforting to a patient dying from an HMO's negligence to think an old man in a white beard is going to dispense justice from on high. But the fact is, we need the earthly justice of lawyers. For there is no divine justice, for there is no God. No God? No God. First of all, HMOs are not the enemy. Second, no God.

The fool says in his heart there is no God, but in this statement, is there not implied the far grander question? Who is he who put us here that we may even doubt him? Steve, behold the radiant beauty of existence and answer me this. Why is there something instead of nothing? Well, there you go again, Stephen. Not staying on topic.

The fool says in his heart there is no God, but in this statement, is there not implied the far grander question? Who is he who put us here that we may even doubt him? Steve, behold the radiant beauty of existence and answer me this. Why is there something instead of nothing? Well, there you go again, Stephen. Not staying on topic.

You're just afraid to admit that the working people of this country are the ones... Steve, answer the question.

You're just afraid to admit that the working people of this country are the ones... Steve, answer the question.

Big bang.

Big bang.

Let me just check my notes.

Let me just check my notes.

Yeah, uh, yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah, uh, yeah, I guess you're right.

From the winner's circle, I'm Stephen Colbert. And I'm Steve Carell. And this has been Even Steven.

From the winner's circle, I'm Stephen Colbert. And I'm Steve Carell. And this has been Even Steven.

You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? Tonight's topic. Dutch prostitutes. Do they deserve governmental protection? Yes. What? Yes! The Netherlands have long been known for its affordable, attractive, and gracious whores. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? Tonight's topic. Dutch prostitutes, yeah! No, no, no! That's not the topic.

You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? Tonight's topic. Dutch prostitutes. Do they deserve governmental protection? Yes. What? Yes! The Netherlands have long been known for its affordable, attractive, and gracious whores. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? Tonight's topic. Dutch prostitutes, yeah! No, no, no! That's not the topic.

The topic is stem cell research. I don't think so. Okay, I'll bite. Why is tonight's topic stem cell research? Because that's what we agreed we were gonna debate. We were gonna debate the big issue on the front of the Sunday New York Times. Exactly, yes, I've got it right here. The big, you get a shot of this? Big article right there, Dutch prostitutes. See that?

The topic is stem cell research. I don't think so. Okay, I'll bite. Why is tonight's topic stem cell research? Because that's what we agreed we were gonna debate. We were gonna debate the big issue on the front of the Sunday New York Times. Exactly, yes, I've got it right here. The big, you get a shot of this? Big article right there, Dutch prostitutes. See that?

Okay, great, fine. Gang up on Steve Day. We'll do stem cell research. I don't know what it is. I am for it. Why? You read the article, you tell me.

Okay, great, fine. Gang up on Steve Day. We'll do stem cell research. I don't know what it is. I am for it. Why? You read the article, you tell me.

Yes, that is exactly why, Steven. Because unlike someone I could name, I am not a big fan of people dying. So I say stem cell, stem cell? Stem cell. Stem cell research, yes. Neurological disorders, no. Steven?