Steve Carell

I can't wait. Watch this, John. It's going to really blow us all away. Go ahead.

I can't wait. Watch this, John. It's going to really blow us all away. Go ahead.

Please, Steve, and that is such a load of disturbing information that if you think about it and let it sink in, you will realize that I am against stem cell research, and I dare you to try to poke a hole in my ironclad argument. Bon chance, bon vivant, bon appetit. Well, Steve, in fact...

Please, Steve, and that is such a load of disturbing information that if you think about it and let it sink in, you will realize that I am against stem cell research, and I dare you to try to poke a hole in my ironclad argument. Bon chance, bon vivant, bon appetit. Well, Steve, in fact...

Come on.

Come on.

It's a personal subject, Steve. All I'm saying is that you're not alone in feeling torn about this, okay? You can come down on either side of the subject, and I suppose that ultimately there is no one and no way to objectively find out who is right and who is wrong. Dutch prostitutes. Yes! No! We are out of time. I'm Stephen Colbert. I'm Steve Carell. And this has been Even Steven.

It's a personal subject, Steve. All I'm saying is that you're not alone in feeling torn about this, okay? You can come down on either side of the subject, and I suppose that ultimately there is no one and no way to objectively find out who is right and who is wrong. Dutch prostitutes. Yes! No! We are out of time. I'm Stephen Colbert. I'm Steve Carell. And this has been Even Steven.

You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? Should the United States government be more forthcoming to the media on the war in Afghanistan? Yes. No.

You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? Should the United States government be more forthcoming to the media on the war in Afghanistan? Yes. No.

Ari Fleischer and the White House are causing a communication breakdown of Led Zeppelin-ish proportions. Watch this!

Ari Fleischer and the White House are causing a communication breakdown of Led Zeppelin-ish proportions. Watch this!

He's stonewalling, but I'm not surprised. You don't care about the freedom of the press. You've long used our Constitution as a bumwipe. Steve, let's not have this disintegrate into yet another series of personal attacks. Okay, fatty? Fair enough.

He's stonewalling, but I'm not surprised. You don't care about the freedom of the press. You've long used our Constitution as a bumwipe. Steve, let's not have this disintegrate into yet another series of personal attacks. Okay, fatty? Fair enough.

The only reason you and the other bloodsuckers in the press ask questions that you know Ari Fleischer can't answer is to rattle his cage and get him accidentally saying something that could threaten national security. Well, if government officials don't give me the answers I need, I'm going to have to get them myself, develop my own sources, check facts, write things down. I am a journalist.

The only reason you and the other bloodsuckers in the press ask questions that you know Ari Fleischer can't answer is to rattle his cage and get him accidentally saying something that could threaten national security. Well, if government officials don't give me the answers I need, I'm going to have to get them myself, develop my own sources, check facts, write things down. I am a journalist.

That's not my job. There are people out there whose job it is to do my job, and I'm not one of them. Is that so hard to understand? Steve, you need to understand that there are times that the best thing the government can do is to say nothing. Secrets aren't always bad. I mean, there are things I don't tell you. Oh, you tell me everything. No, I don't. Like what? I can't tell you.

That's not my job. There are people out there whose job it is to do my job, and I'm not one of them. Is that so hard to understand? Steve, you need to understand that there are times that the best thing the government can do is to say nothing. Secrets aren't always bad. I mean, there are things I don't tell you. Oh, you tell me everything. No, I don't. Like what? I can't tell you.

Well, does it involve you or me? Yes. Who? Me or you? Steve, we've exhausted this topic. Now, are there any other questions? Uh, you. Yes. Steve Carell, Daily Show. What are you talking about? What's the secret? Steve, all I can tell you is that it is terrible, it is horrible, it is imminent, and it only involves you. And I can't tell you what it is. You're kidding. Yes. Not really.

Well, does it involve you or me? Yes. Who? Me or you? Steve, we've exhausted this topic. Now, are there any other questions? Uh, you. Yes. Steve Carell, Daily Show. What are you talking about? What's the secret? Steve, all I can tell you is that it is terrible, it is horrible, it is imminent, and it only involves you. And I can't tell you what it is. You're kidding. Yes. Not really.