Steve Carell

Steve, the point is, in situations like this, the facts are just going to terrify the public. And if that's all the press can do, why don't we just make up our stories? Watch. This just in, evil clown with hook for hands spotted in woods behind cabin 14 at Camp Winnisaki. He's in the house now, get out.

Steve, the point is, in situations like this, the facts are just going to terrify the public. And if that's all the press can do, why don't we just make up our stories? Watch. This just in, evil clown with hook for hands spotted in woods behind cabin 14 at Camp Winnisaki. He's in the house now, get out.

See, not a single fact, but some poor sap living at 13 Sad Bastard Lane in Rube Town, USA is hanging on my every word. Steve, you- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was just on. It was just on, the clown with the hook. Yeah, I just saw it, they just did a report. Well, I don't know. He's in the house. You have to get out of the house. Honey, shush! They said he was behind cabin 14.

See, not a single fact, but some poor sap living at 13 Sad Bastard Lane in Rube Town, USA is hanging on my every word. Steve, you- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was just on. It was just on, the clown with the hook. Yeah, I just saw it, they just did a report. Well, I don't know. He's in the house. You have to get out of the house. Honey, shush! They said he was behind cabin 14.

Are we close to that? Steve, I was just giving an example. Come on! I'm dealing with a clown problem here, okay? Get in the game, Colbert. I'm Stephen Colbert. I'm Steve Carell. And this has been Even Stephen. God, what is happening to our country?

Are we close to that? Steve, I was just giving an example. Come on! I'm dealing with a clown problem here, okay? Get in the game, Colbert. I'm Stephen Colbert. I'm Steve Carell. And this has been Even Stephen. God, what is happening to our country?

You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? Tonight's topic, should the U.S. sponsor peace talks in the Middle East? Yes. No. Yes! Yes! Steven, with great power comes great responsibility. As the warm, moist womb of liberty, the United States cannot shirk its duty to bring these two sides to the table, or some other suitable piece of furniture.

You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ass? Tonight's topic, should the U.S. sponsor peace talks in the Middle East? Yes. No. Yes! Yes! Steven, with great power comes great responsibility. As the warm, moist womb of liberty, the United States cannot shirk its duty to bring these two sides to the table, or some other suitable piece of furniture.

Steve, that's a stupid thing to say, and you're a stupid person for saying it. It's not the U.S. 's job to be the world's policeman. The world's fireman, maybe. Policeman, fireman, I think we can both agree we'd have a big, bushy mustache. The Israelis are our democratic allies, the sole democracy in the region. We must support them. Well, I'm not surprised that you would want to untangle the U.S.

Steve, that's a stupid thing to say, and you're a stupid person for saying it. It's not the U.S. 's job to be the world's policeman. The world's fireman, maybe. Policeman, fireman, I think we can both agree we'd have a big, bushy mustache. The Israelis are our democratic allies, the sole democracy in the region. We must support them. Well, I'm not surprised that you would want to untangle the U.S.

in that quagmire, Mr. Steven Corellenbergo-Wittstein-ish-skiberg. I don't follow. Yes, you do. The teachings of Moses. I'm not Jewish. You're not? No, I'm Catholic. As am I. Shut up. Seriously, 11 brothers and sisters.

in that quagmire, Mr. Steven Corellenbergo-Wittstein-ish-skiberg. I don't follow. Yes, you do. The teachings of Moses. I'm not Jewish. You're not? No, I'm Catholic. As am I. Shut up. Seriously, 11 brothers and sisters.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Right, seriously. Jews and Muslims. Arabs. Who cares? What do you want to do? I don't know. How about lightning round? Lightning round. Lightning round! Invading Iraq, now or next year? Now. Next year! 2004 Democrats, Gore or Kerry? Gore. Kerry.

Right, seriously. Jews and Muslims. Arabs. Who cares? What do you want to do? I don't know. How about lightning round? Lightning round. Lightning round! Invading Iraq, now or next year? Now. Next year! 2004 Democrats, Gore or Kerry? Gore. Kerry.

Link or Patty? Link. Patty! Did the Argentinian government's tying the value of the peso to the dollar lead to the current economic crisis in Buenos Aires?

Link or Patty? Link. Patty! Did the Argentinian government's tying the value of the peso to the dollar lead to the current economic crisis in Buenos Aires?

The pedophilia scandal in the Catholic Church. I don't see why we need to talk about that. No, the church is going to work it out.

The pedophilia scandal in the Catholic Church. I don't see why we need to talk about that. No, the church is going to work it out.