Steven

You talked a second ago about therapists try and make you think about the past differently. But I do think there's an underlying belief in our culture and society and on social media that if something happens to you, almost like this Freudian approach of if this happens to you, this is who you become. And I was reading that book, The Courage to be Disliked, over Christmas. And it kind of...

changed my view on this quite profoundly in an important way because it helped me to understand I think it basically says that what happens to us doesn't create who we are we use what happened to us we apply meaning to it which then determines the behavior we have and really interestingly in that it means that many of the beliefs I have about myself who I say I am my identity and therefore like the ways that I behave every day whether they're productive or unproductive are actually just

changed my view on this quite profoundly in an important way because it helped me to understand I think it basically says that what happens to us doesn't create who we are we use what happened to us we apply meaning to it which then determines the behavior we have and really interestingly in that it means that many of the beliefs I have about myself who I say I am my identity and therefore like the ways that I behave every day whether they're productive or unproductive are actually just

choices I've made to apply meaning to the past. Does that make sense?

choices I've made to apply meaning to the past. Does that make sense?

And this is really, this is such like a profound, I don't know if the, whoever's listening now understands what I'm saying here, but we said at the start of this conversation, you go through life thinking you're a puppet and you're being controlled by what happened to you, who you are, your identity, but actually your identity is just this, this construction of

And this is really, this is such like a profound, I don't know if the, whoever's listening now understands what I'm saying here, but we said at the start of this conversation, you go through life thinking you're a puppet and you're being controlled by what happened to you, who you are, your identity, but actually your identity is just this, this construction of

meaning that you've given to the past to serve your purpose now, as it says in the book?

meaning that you've given to the past to serve your purpose now, as it says in the book?

So let me take that and try and apply it to this example of this silver cup in my hand. So psychotherapy would... try and go back into the past and explain to me why this actually isn't something I should drink out of and that it could be other things.

So let me take that and try and apply it to this example of this silver cup in my hand. So psychotherapy would... try and go back into the past and explain to me why this actually isn't something I should drink out of and that it could be other things.

Whereas what you're saying is another approach is if I go and get some flowers right now and I put them in there, I'm creating a new prediction for the future because I've created a new pattern in the present of this actually being a vase for flowers. And I can start to create a new pattern that silver cups like this one aren't just for drinking out of. They are also vases for flowers.

Whereas what you're saying is another approach is if I go and get some flowers right now and I put them in there, I'm creating a new prediction for the future because I've created a new pattern in the present of this actually being a vase for flowers. And I can start to create a new pattern that silver cups like this one aren't just for drinking out of. They are also vases for flowers.

Okay, so I can either go back in the past and try and convince myself that a cup isn't a cup, or I can, in the present moment, create a new pattern, which will mean that in the future, my brain will predict next time it sees a silver cup, it won't just think drink out of it, Steve, it'll think pop some flowers in it.

Okay, so I can either go back in the past and try and convince myself that a cup isn't a cup, or I can, in the present moment, create a new pattern, which will mean that in the future, my brain will predict next time it sees a silver cup, it won't just think drink out of it, Steve, it'll think pop some flowers in it.

So let me give you some specific examples then. So if I'm scared of spiders, how would I go about overcoming that fear of spiders using route number two that you described there?

So let me give you some specific examples then. So if I'm scared of spiders, how would I go about overcoming that fear of spiders using route number two that you described there?

So you need to prove to your brain that those predictions are wrong.

So you need to prove to your brain that those predictions are wrong.

Exposure therapy?