Steven

They're not speaking about it.

They're not speaking about it.

You used the word should. Should is such a... What did I say? Gross. When you were saying we should be having... Right. How much harm do you think should does? As in, when I say should, I really mean it's a social comparison. It's like an external comparison. I've watched this movie. I spoke to my friend. They're doing it this often. They're doing it like this. So we should...

You used the word should. Should is such a... What did I say? Gross. When you were saying we should be having... Right. How much harm do you think should does? As in, when I say should, I really mean it's a social comparison. It's like an external comparison. I've watched this movie. I spoke to my friend. They're doing it this often. They're doing it like this. So we should...

be doing it like them. How much harm do you think that does? I've seen it in all my relationships. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Yeah, like the comparison to other people who are just not you, it can do so much harm. And I think in my current relationship, we've basically banned comparison. So we've banned each other speaking about our unmet needs through the lens of other people or our past relationships.

be doing it like them. How much harm do you think that does? I've seen it in all my relationships. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Yeah, like the comparison to other people who are just not you, it can do so much harm. And I think in my current relationship, we've basically banned comparison. So we've banned each other speaking about our unmet needs through the lens of other people or our past relationships.

And I think it really helps.

And I think it really helps.

Why? Why no pressure?

Why? Why no pressure?

I guess the starting point then, as you said, is the communication part, right? Because you can't even get to that point if you're in a situation. I've been in that situation once in my sexual history where it was so awkward that the awkwardness just compounds where you're not even speaking about something. And so you're getting in bed. It's a hot potato.

I guess the starting point then, as you said, is the communication part, right? Because you can't even get to that point if you're in a situation. I've been in that situation once in my sexual history where it was so awkward that the awkwardness just compounds where you're not even speaking about something. And so you're getting in bed. It's a hot potato.

Laying in silence and, oh, my God, he's thinking about it and I'm thinking about it.

Laying in silence and, oh, my God, he's thinking about it and I'm thinking about it.

She's thinking about it and I hope he doesn't laugh and I'll pretend to sleep and all of that stuff. I've been there.

She's thinking about it and I hope he doesn't laugh and I'll pretend to sleep and all of that stuff. I've been there.

And really what broke it was the two things you said. The first thing was you've got to talk about it. And the second thing was removing the pressure. Right. And the blame. Yeah. And the judgment. Yeah.

And really what broke it was the two things you said. The first thing was you've got to talk about it. And the second thing was removing the pressure. Right. And the blame. Yeah. And the judgment. Yeah.

And if you can get there, and I think much of the reason why people don't want to talk about it sometimes is because they might have a little bit of a risk that if they're honest about how they're feeling, then the other person might leave, or they might be mad, or they might not hang around long enough for you to fix it together. And also, you don't know how to fix it.

And if you can get there, and I think much of the reason why people don't want to talk about it sometimes is because they might have a little bit of a risk that if they're honest about how they're feeling, then the other person might leave, or they might be mad, or they might not hang around long enough for you to fix it together. And also, you don't know how to fix it.