Stewart Lee

And he can't quite bring himself to endorse this absolute nonsense.

He has to put a little bit of distance between him.

I kind of think Trump's a bit like a guy on the forecourt of a used car place where he's always upselling.

He's always giving you the impression that the deal has to be closed now.

And I got in trouble with this recently.

I went into the Pets at Home superstore without my hearing aids in and accidentally, without realising, left having agreed to pay £175 every three months for a large amount of pet food discounted at 25%, which I was charged directly to my account.

Now, I didn't know I'd done this, but the man gave me this sense of urgency that I had to commit to this deal now to save 25%.

And they have refunded me.

It's very much like what happens on the... They've refunded me, by the way.

I'm not criticising pets at home.

They've been very reasonable about it.

But it was that kind of thing where the sort of urgency of, you have to do this now.

Well, he wants this off the forecourt because it's really damaging.

He wants it off the forecourt at any cost, even to the point where they're essentially paying reparations to Iran.

So the question is, what language is he going to use to disguise the fact that he's basically having to get a deal to sort out a massive mess he made that leaves everyone worse off than they were three months ago anyway?

I mean, it's a bit like, I remember in 1994, I was doing a gig at a further education establishment in Cheltenham on a bill with Richard Herring and Peter Bainham.

Mm-hmm.

And I was suffering quite badly from ulcerative colitis at the time.

And I actually pooed my pants in the car on the way.

And then when I was in the Cheltenham further education place, I got undressed in the toilet cubicle and I had to get rid of the pants.