Tara Brach

It's like this.

And to feel the pain and really the grief for that young child.

And that became nurturing for him, the end of RAIN where he would, you know, he brought to mind his uncle who was his one safe haven and felt his uncle

Sending him that message, you're safe right now, you're not alone, you're more than this young powerless self.

And then to rest after the rain in an enlarged sense of being.

So he would practice interrupting his anger in real time.

you know, in some way pausing it and bringing compassion to himself and seeing if that helped him not to burst down into anger.

And sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.

But one time he described he was with an employee, he was meeting with a project manager who admitted that the team had fallen behind schedule on a major project, that he personally had let some things fall between the cracks.

And so this man felt the rising irritation and it had the same template, like somebody is undermining me, undermining my progress, and he typically would have pounced.

Instead he recognized, okay, pause, pause, you know, this is me, the angry victim,

breathe, it's okay.

He didn't blow up and instead in that presence he took this man in more closely appreciating his honesty and knowing he had been committed for a number of years.

So instead of pouncing he expressed appreciation.

And it caught the manager off guard.

And he said, well, I didn't plan to say this.

And he had tears in his eyes.

He said, but my wife has stage four breast cancer and I have two teens and it's just a really rough time.

So he expressed his vulnerability and the man with the anger said, look, I know you're doing the best you can.

And they hugged the first time at work for him.