Taylor

Oh, okay.

I knew a Gordo.

Click on his page real quick.

We didn't know what they were going to do.

They gave us a good sales pitch. We're going to cure syphilis, really. That sounds awesome. Yeah. By any means necessary. All right, let's look into the means. Okay, can we see what that exactly is going to be?

That is a good point. That is an interesting point.

Does anyone understand what just happened?

You know what I mean? They were popping Galileo, right?

They had a good run. Yeah, 400 years ago.

What's up, guys? World's fastest ad read. Please don't skip. New York City. I'm going to be doing my monthly show with Joe Avery, March 25th. Bangor, Maine. I'll be there April 26th. Portland, Maine.

I'll be there April 27th. And a bunch of other dates. Charleston, Atlanta, Strasburg, Hoboken, Indianapolis, Raleigh, Portland, Oregon, Fort Worth, Austin, Stanford, Philly, and a bunch of other dates.

Yeah, all of a sudden.

Yeah, that's rough. Yeah, not a great look.

Yeah, sorry about that. On Al's birthday of all days. Yeah, happy birthday, Al.

Thank you, guys.

Yeah, like, what were the gonorrhea experiments? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what even does gonorrhea do to you? You just get, like, dick pimples or something? I don't know why you're looking at me.

You're the one holding your dick right now.

You said you had one of them.

Bro, speaking of which, I was holding my little baby over me.

You said speaking of which. of junkie bro of junkie i was holding my little baby near the near the window and uh he threw up onto the radiator oh there's a cover on the radiator so like it kind of went in went through the grate all the way down like the hot part uh didn't bring it up to anyone And then we went out of the house for a walk. Oh, no.

It was just fucking cheese, dude.

The whole part was fondue.

So it's just cooking. It's cooking the vomit.

Yeah, we had to get underneath it, turn it off, wipe it down. Just me, just cleaning up on my wife's birthday.

What'd you get her for her birthday? This is the most annoying thing. I was like, hey, what do you want for your birthday? Like a thing that I could buy you? Maybe we could do an experience. We could get a chef to come and make breakfast.

She just said, you know what? I would just love to hang out with you. Oh, you're a horrible husband.

But a chef would have been... Yeah, because you could have knocked that shit out in an hour.

Who knows where I could have been career-wise?

The guy who gives the tickets looks at my wife. He goes, you can't park here. And my wife's like, that motherfucker don't know what the hell he's talking about. But he knows that you're right either way. You're in a great position. Because either you move the car and you're right or you get a ticket and you come back and you go, oh, that's so weird. We got a ticket. I wonder why.

Oh, he knows that I'm going to be fine.

So he's looking at you like, hey, I got you.

You know, he's dressed like a police officer. Yeah, which calling them meter maids is hilarious. I know.

They are.

Them and Air India are on the ops list. They don't have one uniform that fits them. Every meter maid I've ever seen is in like a size 3X.

They're all Indian. They're all like Sri Lankan.

Yeah. And their outfits are always too big. And they just, when they walk around, they got the big thing on their side and then they give everyone tickets. Yeah, it's very annoying. Bro, my wife has been girl-maffing tickets where she's convinced herself.

Have you seen the new thing where they don't even put a boot on you? They just put a blindfold on your car?

But I look at this, I'm like, oh, I could drive around that. Like, you pop your head out the window, and I think you easily can get away with it.

I bet you a new wheel is cheaper. Oh, I mean, if you do a Persian tire change.

Where you rent the same car that you have, switch out all the tires, and then return your car.

Okay, this is... Buddy G-Wagon. One day, buddy. Just one G-Wagon.

holy shit genius because we don't even think about it because we're like good people but if you come from a place where you don't get rewarded for being good you go okay i'll just take a van but also if you're screwing over like fucking i don't know some car dealer or some car rental car rental people are such scumbags anyway i'm like they're people too mark wait wait why i'm actually

Why are they scumbags? All the car rental people are just the worst. You rent a car, you show up, it's not the car you wanted. They're like, oh, we can put you in a Fiat. And you're like, I'll just kill myself. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

He doesn't eat sugar?

I've been going every Sunday and Lent. In Lent. So one Sunday. Yeah, so far.

Yeah, I'm on a streak.

He's off the shixas.

That's great.

I'm sorry.

I think the delusion in America specifically is imbued with religiosity because of Manifest Destiny. Yes. The whole point of America is like, yo, anything's possible and you can make all the money you want because God wants you to. Well, can you explain specifically what Manifest Destiny is?

How that plays a part in... You can go west as far as you want and colonize and kill all the natives because he gives a fuck.

They're both. If you look at Mormon business people, there's so many. The Mary Kay girls that do all the makeup. That first girl was Mormon. There's a whole sub-genre of Mormon mom talk. Like, where it's just, like, TikTok influencers that sell clothing and makeup and shit. All Mormons. All know each other. Just, like, no shame regarding, like, selling themselves. Because they're like, yeah, bro.

Fucking go around and talk to people about Jesus.

In my high school, they would drive up with a bus, five Jamaican ladies would be on it, and then you'd go on, you'd give blood, and they'd give you a movie ticket. And you got to skip class. Yeah. And so they would just milk. But there were 15-year-olds going on this bus giving blood like three times a week.

Now let's get back to the show. Someone's convinced the whole time while she's doing the YouTube channel, she's like, the reason it's going well is because we're promoting God and LDS to the world. Like, that's the reason God has blessed us.

changes the handle from like what is it eight passengers to what moms of truth moms of truth yeah so this girl is like a part of now it's them too yeah not even the family but she's still like you can you can describe she basically kicks out the oldest son the oldest daughter they go to college and they have complete cut off they can't talk to the family at all she says if you talk to the family you're gonna be bringing more demons into the house so for the sake of the family don't talk to us the oldest son gets kicked out because he masturbates you're missing a main detail the woman the the how'd you find out

Which is kind of far. I mean, it's insane. What does a therapist look like?

yeah oh god yeah yeah she was sitting front row at the maple leaf yeah i must have fell asleep and bought her this shit because i don't remember that oh yeah so then basically for nine months the this woman and the therapist are raising the four other kids the husband's out of the picture two oldest kids are out of the picture and then she just starts abusing the shit out of the two youngest kids this is where it gets super fucked up and so who's abusing them

We don't do it for just to be good Samaritans. Yeah, the movie ticket is $40. They sell the blood for $600. It's like an insane market. They sell it? Yeah. Yeah, these buses are just selling it to the hospitals. And they make crazy money on it.

The two of them together. The two moms. Jesus Christ.

So moves the two youngest kids away from their childhood home into the therapist's house, which is like on a compound far out in Utah. It's a mansion in like the desert.

And, like, the house is, like, retrofitted. It's got, like, bunkers underneath. It's got, like, a safe with, like, a panic room. It's got, like, food prepped for months. How does she have money?

That's a good way to put it. And so the kids end up getting abused. Like they have to like go stand in the sun. They have to jump on a trampoline for like 12 hours a day. They force them to like run in like 110 degree weather. And then at one point they're just like bound with like ropes in the basement, just like tied up.

And the mom documents everything in these journals, everything word for word.

the buses were from the hospital that's crazy they're like independent blood harvesters from children fact check this please that seems insane okay so when hollywood does it they're like these evil elite jamaican ladies do it steal blood from children yeah the blood sled team yeah dude it was wild and you gotta skip class so it's a private company that comes and makes money off i don't

it doesn't matter the punishment needs to be more severe killer yeah so the way they found out is that the kid one of the boy that's tied up escapes from the house the therapist leaves the door open he escapes from the house runs across the street like all the way down the driveway like to the nearest neighbor knocks on the door

SWAT comes in, raids the whole house, rescues the sister.

So then basically they go to court. They both plead guilty to six counts of, like, child abuse. And they both get, like, 30, 40 years in prison.

Mine was just the Big Red Bus. That's what it was called. Yeah, we had the Big Red Bus. And they would just pull up, and you got to skip class. No parental consent form or anything.

A strict rule. When you're in college, you can't talk to high school students. They were good guys. Oh, that's funny.

The Ruby thing is crazy because she's forcing the kids to do stuff. She's like, hey, act sad. Hey, be sad in this one. And the kid's like, mom, I don't really want to do this.

Yes. These motherfuckers would just go in a random red bus and just give their blood to anybody. I wanted to start this as a business in college where you go to spring break locations, pull blood out of people, then they get drunk faster, and you get their blood. Wow. That's a win-win. Oh.

Yeah, there's, like, soy secretly and some shit.

she's like oh let's play with them i was like what read them but like i was like do i just like read them like i didn't know what to do what girl left you my wife oh okay she was like yeah just play with the baby i was like i don't know so i like looked at the video i was like oh no like put some water in a pan let him splash in it yeah shit like that i was like oh that's smart that's great that's in

Let me check. That freaks me out. I said no.

Yeah, I think I said no.

He's old now. Yeah.

Fucking hell. I mean, this is what Kevin Spacey did. What's that? He got accused of, like, abusing a kid, and he was like, oh, I'm just gay.

Also, I agree. I'm team Kevin Spacey because I'm pretty sure all the accusers did end up dying. Yeah, so we're not going to sit here and accuse him of anything. No, I'm nothing. I'm Team Spacey, bro. Yeah, there's fucking demons in his asshole, that's for sure. Yeah, I love House of Cards.

True.

But who is this person making good?

I saw Friday. Oh, nice. I saw that. That was one that I did see. Good. I don't remember her in that film, though. Good, good.

My mom told me not to do it.

That's the grade you got on your driving test. Don't let me drive a golf course. Yeah. My mom told me not to do it because if I was on the operating table, they said they would harvest my organs. That's why I knew that was it. That's what my mom told me.

Honestly, they might have been. They did a sperm donation bus right after. It was crazy. Can we speak to that?

This is an interesting woman that's positive. Stop talking about me on the pod.

Go, go, go. He said he wouldn't get a blood transfusion because he doesn't want another man's blood in his penis.

Wait, but does she say that she's... Hold on, pause the audio. Does she say that she's neurodivergent? I mean, look at the face.

It's like one of those classic party situations. Right, Miles? It happens all the time. Just keep podcasting.

Can't we give a show time? Right? They had two great seasons. They deliver every time. The show opens with a murder, a mass shooting at a resort. And everyone on episode two is like, oh, this sucks. I agree with you. We're going somewhere.

It goes crazy.

The monologue is insane. Do you watch that?

He basically just shows the endgame reductionism of sex addiction. So it's like, I was addicted to partying and sex, and then I got addicted to... I wanted to be the guy... I wanted to be the girls that were getting fucked, so I brought these guys over to fuck me. And then I wanted the girls to see me getting fucked so I could look her in the eye so she could see me getting fucked by me.

And then the whole time, Goggin's character is like, huh? He's just being us.

It's amazing. It's so well done. And it's perfect.

I don't understand how you keep a straight face. You're going to stay here in Taiwan? You can't be in Taiwan. You can't die. That's the last episode, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's unbelievable. I mean, I've heard some theories. Go, go, go. That, because this guy's stealing all her lorazepam, right?

And he's the only one that knows where it is. She showed him, hey, I'm putting my purse underneath this thing with drugs. That's my episode that I just watched, yeah. And then all of a sudden all the drugs go missing. And she's like, where are my drugs? And she knows that he's the only one that knows where it is.

It's so fucked.

So is it possible that she knows that he's drugging himself and that is somehow aware of the Empire falling down?

They're like, which race can survive syphilis?

yeah and then she's like shocked she's like what do you mean oh okay i guess i'll take two yeah this is the this is like that guy's the storyteller's like a real brilliant fucking guy my one gripe with this scene where the brothers kiss by the way my one gripe yeah it gives mdma a bad rap oh because they're all molly they don't know i don't think we know they're on a pill ah that everything feels awesome

He also has a face turn in this where he's like, yo, we don't do drugs. Like, why are you taking drugs? He tells the younger brother, he's like, don't do drugs. Yeah. And he's like, ah, fuck it, whatever.

I don't know. I think it was literally just to see like what late term syphilis looked like, like untreated.

Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. You saw that metaphor? No, no. At the very beginning scene, when you first see them all coming out on the boat, she has the headphones on.

And the other brother's drinking a beer. So, like, they represent, like, the three monkeys. Oh, wow. Yeah, I saw it on Reddit. I was like, oh, that's really clever. But I know multiple people that won't do MDMA because they're like, oh, it makes you gay. And I was like, no, it doesn't. And then this comes out. I'm like, nah. Well, if you're gay, it does.

That's the thing. I brought this up to my wife. She was like, yeah, that's so weird. I was like, I completely agree, but also if it was hot twins, we'd be like, pretty chill. No, that's... No. Girls? Wait, girls?

But now I feel like she's going to be way more castable. Like after this, I feel like, oh yeah, we want her because of that. Yeah. Like she stands out so much.

Brave. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. That one kid in the first season that goes off and joins the canoe team.

He goes and joins the canoe team. I'm like, that kid's sick as hell. Yeah, I like him.

Oh, that's fire, dude.

That's sick. The demon. I would pull up just to go see him tame the demons, bro. Nah, dude. Nah, she's cruel.

Yeah, wow.

Whoa, that's wild. Kind of weird.

Or were they dating on the low for years and then... Yeah, they might have had a scoop or something. That's wild.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think she's kind of stringing them along. One of them is evil for sure.

I don't know what I'm thinking about. He got spun up. I think the three moms, the MILFs, I think they die. I hope they do. Oh, they're all moms. Yeah, I think so, yeah. I think they die. One of them is married.

The foreshadowing is that they're all walking down the street and they all got water guns and all the water guns are shooting them. And they're all getting sprayed with the water guns when they're walking down the street of whatever that main street is. And I think that's foreshadowing for all things being shot.

Yeah. Like the fact, go. I think when COVID happened, that LA crop, there was like a huge chunk of them that went to Austin. To Austin, yeah. Like Joe included. I think he kind of led the way, but there was just a ton of other LA people that were like, oh, this is- Like a liberal city nearby.

And Mike White is so good at picking up on subtle nuance that he's like, oh, this is the perfect thread. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm excited to see what happens. I'm gripped. I'm fully in. They got it. All right, what else we got, guys? This UMG Drake thing. Oh.

No, if he does the halftime show at the World Cup, it shuts it down. Game over. I'm Team Drake. Before every show, I put on Drake's hardest hits. It's a playlist on Spotify. Drake's hardest song. It just goes crazy. You just hear a bunch of singing. It goes crazy, bro. It's only the hardest tracks, bro. This is God's plan. That's how I get it. It's God's plan, bro. I believe dumb shit.

It's God's plan, bro. Manifest destiny.

I mean, McGreggy pulled up on Trumpito.

Yeah, it's all redacted. Do we believe that? I don't think they're going to put anything out. They're not. I don't think they ever will. And if it does come out, I think it's going to be a political weapon against the people they want. They're going to be like, Iran killed JFK. We got to go get oil. You know what I mean?

Like the Epstein one, the thing that I think Sagar even said, like they redacted stuff that was already out.

So it's like, I don't know. I don't think we're going to know anything that they don't want us to know.

Yeah. The sense I got was just like hesitant and like he sees that it's a risky play that could pan out, but he does see the risk that's involved in the strategy.

He's rebranded. Have you seen how people rebrand the Teslas?

It's definitely instilling fear.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is like the animal protesters that throw tomatoes on a painting. They're like, who's that? Yeah. Have you seen how people are covering their cars now?

Can you search Tesla, Mazda? And so people are now taking their Tesla emblems off their Teslas and putting different car emblems. But it's still a Tesla? Exactly. But they actually look really believable. That's all I got to do to switch up the Cybertruck?

People do that. So this is a Tesla, and they put the Mazda thing on it. They're like, yeah, it's a Mazda. Oh. And someone did it with a Cybertruck. They just put a Toyota decal on the back of it to signal to people like, hey, I'm kind of distancing. Like, obviously it's a Cybertruck, but I'm trying to separate.

It looks kind of fire.

We don't need the flamethrowers.

Hello. I'm good. How are you? Dax signed your shirt?

I was at Sprouts in Nashville. Oh, okay. Our last stop. Yes. And you met my little baby.

I drove around the parking lot to see if the bus was there and was a little sad, but you know, it's fine.

No, but I got to meet Ruth. We love Ruthie. Shout out.

I do. It was March 1st, 2003. It's in Nashville, where I currently am at.

I was seven. I was going to my very first ice skating rink birthday party. Super nervous, super excited. And it was towards the end of Open Skate, right before we were about to get off the ice for cake and presents. I was going to show my mom how good... I had gotten at ice skating. I had picked one of my friend's moms. Her name's Betsy.

You have to start young if you want to be good. I will say most of us were gymnasts. So there's a little more agility there. Sure.

I didn't know this had happened because I am high on life. I'm the best ice skater that there is at this point. You didn't feel it because you were in shock, probably. Yeah. We go to the bathroom and my mom starts trying to wash my hands to kind of see the cut. That's when I noticed, obviously, the blood.

And I was like, let's not do this anymore because it's just pouring more blood out of my hand. She's like, OK. So she grabs my hand again, really tight, lifts it up above the heart and takes it to the counter with a bunch of teenagers asking for the first aid kit. They do their best. They wrap it up really tightly. Thankfully, the hospital was only about five minutes down the road.

So they get me back and they stitch me up. And my mom likes to tell everybody that I always said, no more numbing medicine. Just get the stitches in me because the numbing medicine hurts far worse than the stitches do.

Yes. Thankfully, other than my skin being cut, no ligaments or tendons were damaged.

It's a real Frankenstein situation.

A finger puree on the ice.

And she felt terrible. Can you imagine?

Every time we go ice skating now, anytime someone falls, I immediately clutch my own hands. Yeah. Wow.

More in my adult years. It took me probably about seven years after that before I went ice skating again. Ended up falling and falling on my head. Oh. Then it took another several years before I got back on the ice.

I broke something. That was my career-ending injury, but it wasn't that bad. It was just a fractured ankle. I was already phasing out.

Oh, no. I'm a C-plus gymnast at best. Okay.

I agree.

It's nice to see you again. It's nice to meet you, Monica.

Yes, of course. Claire. We started working together a couple years ago and she recognized this sweatshirt and she goes, are you an arm cherry? And I said, I sure am. And it kickstarted our friendship.

Yeah, I'm sick, so I'm sorry. My voice is off. You're going to have to get healthy before we can talk to you.

I had some cold. I thought it went away. Now it's back. Yeah, these colds.

Apparently.

I do. I'm a twin. We are the babies of seven. About six, they divorced and my dad moved out with his friend girl. Went to another state and kind of left my mom to raise all of us. And he made it really clear that he had left. When I was about 16, she was completely over me and my shit. And so she booted me out here to live with him. Just me. Left everybody back where they were.

What about the twins? Yeah.

It's a boy. So he stayed back. We were freshmen in high school, but I was a pain in the ass. I have a 17 year old right now. And like, God bless her.

I am so blessed by my children that I'm like, how did you do it? And she's like, I sent you. I didn't. So she sent me here and I was nice and sassy. And I was like, you know what? Why'd you leave? Like, what's your problem? Was she worth it? And he's like, wasn't the only one. For all I know, you're some jack guys, baby. Oh. I understood that this Jack guy was like a colleague of my mom's.

I'd heard the name, but I'm like, you're deflecting. You're just trying to take the attention off what you're doing. I was very much not here for it.

But yeah, fair enough. He didn't harp on it. He never really had a lot of nasty things to say about my mom. He was always very kind. He's like, she loves you. But he was tired of being the only one taking the blame. And he kind of wanted to get his story out there. But then we didn't talk about it again.

No, that happened for about a year. And then after I had my third son, my mom mailed me my baby book. And the baby book had all these like cards and crap in it. And then there was a literal Western Union telegram, yellow with the tear on it and everything that said, congratulations on the twins. I'm so happy, Jack.

Yeah, I'm curious. I tried digging and I can't find anything. And I just move on. So a couple of years later, me and my twin decided we were both going to try Ancestry and 23andMe. We wanted to prove that they were full of it. And everyone said the origins are off. We weren't really doing it for DNA purposes. We were just trying to play with it. And we were kind of right.

Like his came up a little bit Irish and mine came up a little Scottish. And then the rest of it was just Eastern European. Didn't think anything of it. 2022, I got back in this Jack fix and I was like, I'm going to figure this out. So I started digging through 23andMe, which had matches that were like fifth cousin nonsense. So I was bored.

So I was like, I'll log into my brother's ancestry because he would have different matches. And sure as shit, I opened up. It says parent-child match, my brother and Jack.

Why didn't yours say that? Jack only did ancestry. Oh, you did different ones.

Oh, I don't like to blow up my family over nothing. So I'm like, I'm going to do my own ancestry because I had done 23 so that I can catch my breath.

We don't live in the same state anymore. So I just let it be. And I didn't know how to process, you know, that's a lot.

I do my own. Ironically, Father's Day is the day I get mine back. I open it up and there is no Jack to be found. And it says that me and my twin brother are half siblings. Wow. Yeah, it's called super feed on cash. I don't know how to say it. No. It's very, very rare. There's like 10 cases in all of America.

Isn't that wild? At literally the exact same time.

What? I'm upset. Don't even know how to tell my brother that he's the only one of us seven that's not.

My dad has got black hair and blue eyes. And my twin is the tallest out of everybody. He's like 6'1". I'm 4'11". And he's blonder. And so is Jack after doing lots and lots of fun research. So then I decided to go crazy on my ancestry and connect some more dots and just try to make sense of it. And I couldn't. I couldn't connect any more dots. So they have these things called DNA angels.

I don't know if you've ever heard of them, but like huge shout out to them. They do it for free. They'll log into your ancestry and they'll help you connect some dots from fifth cousins all the way down to like maybe who your grandfather's father was. So I call on them. I'm like, help me.

So she logs in and about 10 hours later, she calls me and she's like, I'm really sorry, but you're not your dad's either. What?

Stop. She's like, it's one of these three men. They're all brothers. They connect to a grandfather that my DNA connected to.

She sure was. U-S-Y, busy. So I just started the top of the three men. He's the oldest out of all of them closest to my mom's age. His name is James. And about two hours into researching, do I not land on a photo of Jack, James, my mom, all at a conference the year of my birth. I mean, there's like 10 of them, but those three were in the middle.

It's like my mom was in the middle and Jack and James. And I continued to find out Jack was the president of this company and they were the trustees. Now, hold on. Was it a threesome? I ask that question a lot. I've done so much investigating. The only thing I don't know is, did they take turns? Right.

She'd like go down to the bar after. Exactly. Because it would have to be that fast.

Right. I think it was an orgy. Even if she hyperovulated, the studies show it has to be within a couple of days.

No, I haven't confronted her. You haven't. I told my twin, which kind of like ruined our relationship. No. So he called Jack because I'm sitting on it for months. And then he comes out here for our birthdays. And I'm like, so guess what? And he's like, mom got Eiffel Tower. And I was like, that's not funny. What's that mean?

Just think about a knifel tower.

He calls this guy because I had this guy's phone number. Mind you, both these two men are married 50 years plus. So they were married to these women and they still are. He calls him and he's like, hey, guess we parent child matched on Ancestry. And Jack's like, your mom and I agreed we'd never have any contact with you. So bye. Oh, my God. Well, he's afraid. Sure. And I'm not out here to hurt him.

But he could have been like, here's a few medical things you might need to know. Exactly. Minimally, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Well, Jack had no kids.

Well, he knew about us, though.

But he doesn't probably know that I'm James's. He probably thinks he has me and my brother out there.

If your sister calls, it's going to be a longer conversation. He's not my dad, so I can't say anything to him. And then I looked up mine, and he was once upon a time the Supreme Court Justice of a Southern state. So I decided to leave that alone. Holy moly. And he's got kids and grandkids and I'm not ruining anyone's life. It doesn't change who I am. But are you like, what am I?

Yeah, I went to a conference on it. They're called NPE, non-parental event or non-expected parent. And a lot of people are just crying like, the mailman's my dad and my mom lied my whole life and it's my identity. And I'm like, no, it's not. You are who you are. Your blood's blood. I grew up with step-siblings. My kids have had a stepdad. I don't identify with who was in the room that night.

I identify with who I turned out to be and the people that cared to stay in my life. I have great relationships with people that are blood and that aren't. Yeah. Yes. I'm bummed. And I can see why my mom always had just this undercover. I'm not so sure about her. Get rid of her. She just didn't like me.

No way. That would just not only spoil her. Your dad left and cheated. Not only did he do that, but you doubled down, you know, and to tear down a woman in her late 70s. It's just like, what's the point? I told one of my sisters, the other sibs don't know, and she's like, you've got to tell her. And I'm like, no, I don't.

Yeah, I think that they said in just America, there's 12. And then the other countries, there's more. But you don't have a lot of documentation on this. How many twins both do it? You just assume one's DNA is the other's.

And like we shared a room and we shared a lot of time together. And I always thought we had this special bond.

My little boy is though.

Sure.

Oh my God.

Thank you so much for sharing it. Yeah, you guys. It was super fun. I do need to give a shout out to one of my friends, Rebecca. She actually used your story to ask about dyslexia and she gives it to her students at the elementary school she teaches at. And she loves, loves, loves you guys. She got me interested in you guys' podcast.

Yeah, that's lovely.

Can you hear us? I can hear you. Can you hear me okay?

I'm in a tent slash closet. I like to follow rules like Monica. I love that.

There's two reasons. One, my eight-year-old daughter loves Taylor Swift.

Or 37-year-old daughter.

And then my best friend growing up and I, that would be our code name. If we went to a restaurant and we didn't want to say our name or if we met somebody who we didn't want to tell the truth to, we would use Taylor. It goes way back.

No, you invent new rules.

Okay, I'm going to try and do this as best as possible and stick with the timeline.

Okay.

One Saturday in 2012, I was cleaning my stove. I cut my thumb on the metal piece of the burner. I'm trying to push through like it's fine, but it just kept really hurting me. By Monday morning, my thumb was barely swollen. I had to go to the One is a Tdap shot and the other one was a flu vaccine. After I saw the doctor, I went to another room.

I was in there with a nurse and she got the Tdap shot all fixed up, but she didn't know that I needed this other vaccine. So I saw her look at the paper, then realized, oh, she's getting another one. She came back in with the other syringe. She administered both shots into my arm and I went about my day. By that night, I was feeling really off.

So the next morning I wake up and I have no energy whatsoever. I push through my day at work and I'm just not feeling good at all. So I call my mom because she's my best friend and I say, I think I need to go to the emergency room. So she meets me at my house. She's helping me change out of my work clothes and we noticed that my arm where I received the shots

was just so swollen and getting like little red spots. So my mom's like, I wonder if it has to do with shots that you got. So we go to the emergency room. They take me in fairly fast because I had such a bad fever. They give me all the good drugs and I'm still uncomfortable. And they try to say, you know, I think you'll be OK. I think it might just be allergic reaction.

You should probably just go home. And I was like, no, I'm not going to go home. I stay the night. And so that was Tuesday night. The next morning, the nurse comes in to check my temperature and do my vitals. And she puts the thermometer in my ear and she looks at it and she has this face. She took the cap off and put a new one in, put it in her ear to look to make sure she was reading it properly.

So then she drops the thermometer and just walks out the door in a really big hurry. My mom's a nurse. She went over and grabbed the thermometer and she looked at it and showed me it was 105.8. This is why I'm not feeling good. I'm glad my symptoms are showing the pain I'm in. They get three or four doctors in the room.

So they're like, there has to be a pus pocket in your arm because my arm had grown so much bigger since just the day before. Oh my God.

I know. I'm not sure how far I should go with this.

So they pull out this needle, and it is huge. They put that in my arm three to five times, and it was excruciating. And were they pulling out puss? No, there was no puss. They were looking for it. They were trying. They didn't find anything. So they're all kind of like scratching their heads. And we knew one of the doctors. He was like, we're going to do all the tests for you.

So I went into the MRI. As soon as I get out of the MRI, there is already somebody waiting to bring me up to my room. My mom, my dad, and my best friend were waiting right by the door. I couldn't even hardly say hi because the pre-op guy came to get me. Fuck. So it's my mom, my dad, and I in pre-op. The doctor that we know came in and he was like, we read your MRI and it is glowing.

You have necrotizing fasciitis. What?

It's flesh-eating bacteria.

I think it is because they thought it was like an airborne disease. Luckily, it's not. So I got like a really good room. All the nurses that were coming in, you know, it looked like ET. Mercy. They were complaining. Completely covered. I thought you got that from going in the pond.

Every time people see my arm and ask me the story, because I'll tell anybody, and they're like, oh my gosh, it's from the lake, isn't it? And I'm like, no, it's not. But now you're scaring me. I don't want to go in the lake now.

My mom, being the nurse, knew exactly what it was. And I'm looking at him and he's like, well, it's flesh eating bacteria. It was the scariest thing because just a few months before that, there was a report in the news where a lady in Florida had lost all of her limbs with it. And I read so many stories of this poor woman and I just could not believe it.

And then here I am in pre-op ready to go in because I have cancer.

Yeah. When the doctor came in to talk to us about it, he was like, we are so lucky we caught it because it was only in your flesh. It did not get to your muscle yet. Thank God. The next day, the pain was still so bad. As you saw, there's black foam in there. It's called a wound back and it helps heal. I won't go into detail.

It's a very cool machine, but it's really gross if you see the whole contraption working. I couldn't handle the wound back because my arm was still really sore.

Those southern ponds and lakes.

I was in the hospital for 10 days because of my symptoms and my fever. They were afraid that I was still going to either, one, lose my arm, or two, it was going to go to my heart because it was on my left side. Oh. I laugh now, but my boyfriend at the time looks at me and he's like, I can't come to the hospital room every day and see you. I have jobs lined up and then I have a workout routine.

No, we were 30. Oh, geez.

I was in the hospital for 10 days and then I had that wound back in for another three months. Wow. And it just slowly closes up and it has to heal from the inside out. Because if you have an infection, you can't just do stitches to cover it back up.

Yeah, the poor nurse, because I'm sure she didn't mean to do this. But in my heart, I feel like she got the Tdap ready, looked at the paperwork and thought, oh, I got to go get that other vaccine and then put the Tdap syringe on the tray and then went to go get the other syringe with the vaccine in it and then came back and administered it in my arms.

When my arm got swollen, you could actually see where the needle had gone in. So it was like opening up, I guess you could say.

So we think it just wasn't clean.

That's my guess because they did go through and do all the tests to make sure it wasn't the actual lot of those Tdaps. Nobody else in my area had contracted this. I was the lucky one in a million. Wow.

Well, you picked a bad boyfriend. That's the good thing about this. It just showed me who was there for me and who I really should be spending my time with. It really makes you change your perspective on life. You're very positive. I like that.

Thank you. You guys have a good day.

There is a lot of equipment aspects and pieces when it comes to fall applications, especially when you think about anhydrous ammonia. There's all sorts of toolbars, knives, hoses, pumps that we need to be thinking about. So just making sure that we're actively looking over that equipment, making sure that any hoses that are pinched or crimped don't have any cracks in them.

We're not going to have any mid-season leaks or blowouts. So just really thoroughly looking over all of our equipment is going to be really important.

Equipment's ready. Let's make sure when we begin making those applications that we are thinking about the soil temperature. We really want the soil temperature to be 50 degrees and falling, so steady at that 50 degrees and then falling below that.

That's going to help decrease that nitrification process, especially when we have Inserver Instinct next year with it, slowing that overall conversion rate from ammonium to nitrate.

Time frame wise, yes. It's going to depend on where you're at within the U.S. and where we're making these fall applications. The biggest rule of thumb is that 50 degrees and falling for the most part.

Absolutely. So reaching out to your local retailer or Corteva territory manager as well as going to nitrogenstabilizers.com.

Thank you.

They let Jackson Arnold run all over the place. Milrow had a really rough game. The whole offense, I think, had a really brutal game. And thank God Milrow won our September Heisman, because he's not going to win the regular Heisman this year. It was a rough, rough night for the Crimson Tide. And yeah, you're right.

They were in the driver's seat for the SEC Championship game, despite having a bad loss against Vanderbilt and a loss against Tennessee. But, oof, man. Iron Bowl should be interesting. The Iron Bowl will be very interesting this weekend.

Und wie hast du dich auf die Geschichte gescoopt, die du vor jemand anderem hattest?

They just switched it up. Let's move on to our losers, Lucy, because I've got a lot of losers from this weekend. I want to start piggybacking off of the Auburn game to Mike Elko, who got caught saying that he was... Looking ahead for the game against Texas, Auburn, this upcoming weekend.

And then they lost and looked like they were actually looking ahead to Texas and not ready to play Auburn this weekend. Auburn went out to a huge three-touchdown lead. Texas A&M clawed their way back, but could not finish it in overtime. That's brutal. That's a brutal soundbite. Auburn tweeted it out after the game. And I don't know how you recover from that if you're Mike Elko.

Und ich weiß nicht, ob ich mich gut fühle, wenn ein verletzter Quinn Ewers gegen Texas A&M spielt. Aber du hast recht, sie haben sich total verletzt und einen da gedroht. Aber sie haben trotzdem die Chance, sich gegen Texas zu verdienen, dieses kommende Wochenende, was für die SZC-Championschampion-Game-Implikationen groß wäre. Lucy, ich habe ein Hot-Take über Kenny Dillingham.

He's one of my losers from the weekend. I know that people are really into him and they think that he's been energetic and fun. He's done a great job with ASU this year. That's not what this is about. This is about when he tried to run down the clock at the end of the game this past weekend, failed, and then the fans all rushed the field. They added a second back and he freaked out at the refs.

And there is a video of this, which we will play. I don't like any of this. I do not like... The whole thing gave me... I don't know. Can I say it gave me the ick or is that... Are we done saying that? No, you can say the ick. Okay, it gave me the ick. I didn't like how he was upset. It was just weird. It was bad. Bad look.

Und das ist nicht ein Anti-ASU-Tag. Ich mag ihr Team. Ich bin froh für sie. Ich werde weiterhin für ihren Erfolg reiten. Das ist ich, die am Ende des Spiels reagiert haben, als sie nur ein paar Sekunden auf dem Klopfen brauchten. Es blieb fast in seinem Gesicht. BYU war wie,

Oh, Taylor.

They just got run all over. Yeah, it's... The Big 12 tiebreakers are mind-numbing. It goes off of opponents' winning percentage, I think, is the first tiebreaker. And so if all the favorites this weekend went out, there's going to be a multi-way tiebreak. In the Big 12, the favorites don't win every week. There's been...

Es gab eine Menge verrückter Scheiße in dieser Konferenz dieses Jahres und wir könnten die nächsten fünf Minuten dieses Podcasts durch die Tiefbrüche gehen, aber wir werden das nicht tun, weil wir über Rivalry Weekend, Lucy und College Football sprechen werden. Das beste Wochenende des Jahres. Wenn du ein Fan von College Football bist, liebe ich es so sehr.

Ich sitze und esse meine Zutaten und ich schaue College Football für drei Tage und meine Augen blühen und es ist großartig. Welches Spiel bist du am meisten aufgeregt für dieses Wochenende?

Oh yeah, Clemson and South Carolina fans. You could say this about every rival in the sport of football, but man, they really, really, really hate each other. And this is going to have a big playoff implications, which I don't know if we also saw this coming into the season. Like South Carolina has a legitimate shot at the playoff. If they can beat Clemson, they'd have a great ranked win.

Oh.

Clemson has struggled against good teams all year. I think I'm going to take South Carolina winning on the road in this one. But don't tell any of the Clemson fans I know about that. We also have, we mentioned the Iron Bowl. We have Farmageddon, which I only am mentioning, Lucy, because next year they open the season with Farmageddon in Ireland, which is so fun.

Why do they get to play in Ireland and Iowa doesn't? That sucks. I know. Well, I highly recommend the Ireland game if you get a chance to go. If you're a fan of any team playing in Ireland... You should do it. I want to mention Notre Dame really quick because Notre Dame beat Army by, oh my God, 35 points this past weekend at Yankee Stadium.

And now they get to play against their hated rival, USC, on the road. This is going to be a really, really tough game. I think I'm a little nervous for it personally as an NND fan. But if Notre Dame wins, they are in the playoff. And if USC wins, nothing happens because they stink this year. And I would be personally devastated if this game Upset happens. I'm very, very scared.

I hope it goes like the women's basketball game went last weekend and Notre Dame wins by a lot of points and blows out USC in LA. But I'm scared, Lucy. I'm so scared. I feel like you say that every game.

Look, you might be right. I don't know. It's a big weekend. I want to be able to enjoy it in peace and not in sadness and not in tears. The Egg Bowl is Friday. I don't know why. I don't know why the Egg Bowl is Friday. Georgia Tech is Friday too. So is Nebraska, Iowa.

Clean Old Fashioned Hate is my favorite one.

Ich glaube Texas gewinnt, aber ich glaube es ist knapp und ich glaube es ist seltsam. Ja, oh, another big game at Kyle Field this season. I can't wait. This is going to be a hell of a weekend. We'll be back next week to talk about it. And get ready for Conference Championship weekend the following week. Bring back divisions. Happy Thanksgiving.

Dan war wie, wer? Na, Taylor, danke für das Breaking-News-Bulletin. Es gibt jetzt nur zwei aktive FBS-Head-Coaches, die National-Championships in College Football gewonnen haben. Dabo und Kirby. Das ist verrückt. Ende einer Ära für Mac Brown. Er ist 73 Jahre alt und wir wünschen ihm das Beste. Was für eine Saison für ihn. He looks so much older than 73.

If you're traveling this week and you're listening to us on your travels, safe travels. Have fun.

Yeah, he's been through several lifetimes in college football, I guess you could say. And this was a rough season for North Carolina. Taylor's story on Inside Carolina was very good. Good job, Taylor. Yeah, because I remember we talked about this like a few months ago about who's on the hot seat, who isn't. And a lot of those names are now pretty much secure.

But, you know, he just got there. So that would be pretty devastating for Tulane fans. Also Tulane has a shot at making the playoff and early signing days. What in like a week? So tough timing. If you're a playoff team or not a playoff team trying to replace your coach could get interesting. But we need to play Taylor's favorite game in honor of. Ja, genau.

Yeah, I mean, it was so, I mean, the vibes were so good before the game. It was like, man, after that drive, maybe Indiana's in this thing. And then by the end of the game, you had Will Howard putting out a SIG on the sideline. So disrespectful, Lucy.

Unnecessary. Mein Yinzer-Herz wurde zerstört, aber eine nötige dominante Leistung von Ohio State, die jetzt in ihrem großen Rivalry-Spiel dieses Wochenende spielen kann. Aber ja, Indiana, es sah so aus, als wären die Dinge am höchsten möglichen Punkt. Es war so, bitte bleib nicht aus diesem Spiel aus und du hast einen Schuss, um den Playoff zu machen.

Nun, sie wurden aus dem Spiel ausgeschlagen und weil alle anderen verloren sind, sind sie noch dabei. Also sind sie der große Gewinner, meiner Meinung nach. And loser, unfortunately. And loser. I love a weekend where you lose and you win. And that's what happens sometimes in college football. And this year we are feeling the cheesiest with Cheez-It.

Doing our college football recap for Cheez-It this week. Lucy, another big winner, the ACC. Because of all those losses that you mentioned. Können wir einen sneaky 3-ACC-Appearance in der College Football Playoff haben? Ja, es scheint so zu sein, dass wenn Clemson nächstes Wochenende gewinnt, wir in der Tat Clemson, SMU und potenziell auch Miami in der College Football Playoff haben können.

Und das ist furchtbar, je nachdem, wie dreckig wir in der ACC-Saison gespielt haben. Das wäre verrückt.

Ja, wenn du ein ACC-Fan bist, kannst du es hoffen, weil gerade die größten Argumente gegen die drei Teams sind wie, hey, hast du gesehen, was Cal zu Auburn dieses Jahr gemacht hat? Und du weißt, du hast recht, das ist passiert. Wir sollten das nicht auszahlen. Und dann, weißt du, was Auburn gemacht hat? Sie haben sich umgekehrt und sie haben Texas A&M dieses Wochenende gewonnen.

in multiple overtimes anything can happen in college football billy napier is a testament to that because after this team florida that is looked so hopeless earlier this season they gave him the uh vote of confidence i guess the vote of we're not firing you or paying your buyout uh midway through the season and then he's gone and he's scraped together a couple of

A couple of very impressive wins, Lucy. This Ole Miss Florida game was a absolute jumpster fire for Ole Miss. Jackson Dart was like, I'm going to throw a pick to end this game. There's nothing you can do about it. Please don't try to stop me. And they tried to stop him and he just kept doing it. He did it again.

Right, that's also bad. But yeah, Lane's comments about talking to other coaches and wondering if it would be better to miss the SEC Championship game than play in it because of playoff reasons sort of blew up in his and a lot of other SEC coaches' faces this past weekend because there's still a lot of football that you got to play before you get to that point. So really rough.

I mean, Ole Miss should have won this game. Die Postgame-Win-Erwartungen, ich kann mich nicht erinnern, was die Anzahl war, aber sie hatten es, Lucy.

Ja, sicher. Der Kalgerrhythmus. Wir haben schon über den Kalgerrhythmus gesprochen, aber ich möchte sie wieder rüberbringen, weil der Kalgerrhythmus, ein weiterer großer Gewinner vom Wochenende, auch mit Billy Napier in Indiana. Der Kalgerrhythmus hatte einen Comeback-Winner über ihren Rival Stanford und Fernando Mendoza nach dem Spiel. Lucy, hast du sein Postgame-Interview gesehen?

Es war so emotional. Ich habe es gesehen.

Oh my gosh. Taylor, what is your reaction to this crazy breaking news?

Man, Cal, they've had a rough season, rough time in the ACC so far, but this is one of the things about college football that sets it apart. I saw someone tweet this and I want to give them credit, but I can't remember who it was, but like

The difference between college football and the NFL is that on any given Sunday, something can happen in college football that a player will remember for the rest of their life. And I think that was this moment for Cal knocking off Stanford. Just a very, very special moment. We're so happy for them.

Finally, the bowl-less streak has ended for Nebraska. One more winner from the weekend, the Norman, Oklahoma Taco Bell, where Brent Venables and his daughter spent $98 after the upset victory against Alabama. Man, that's a lot of money at Taco Bell. That is a lot of money at Taco Bell. Lucy, if I gave you $98, could you spend that much at Taco Bell right now?

Ich glaube, er ist dort direkt gegangen, nach dem Spiel.

I'm really happy for Brent Venables. That was a big win. Like we said, anything can happen in college football, but holding Alabama to three points.

You're listening to DraftKings Network.

now so i have five categories from the 2005 mlb league leaders i have the top five answers so you'll go at the same time writing answers down if the person you guess is number one on the list it's five points gotcha and then you go down like this so much oh this is exciting i'm gonna be bad at this i'm i'm stoked the first category top five hits leaders from the 2005 season

Derek Jeter.

Derek Jeter. That's three points. He was third. So three points each. Okay. Next, I have Carl Crawford. Zero points.

Miguel Cabrera's on this list, right? Miguel Cabrera's not on the list. So the hit leader from that season, Michael Young from the Rangers. See? Ichiro was two. Jeter was three. Miguel Tejada was four. And then Derek Lee was five.

We just traded him there. Second category we'll go to. The home runs leader from the 2005 season. Oh boy. Is this guy still playing then?

I have one.

Chris, you'll reveal first this round. Pujols. Pujols, not on the list.

I had Jim Tome also.

When did he retire?

Barry Bonds was not on the list.

I think 04 was his last one.

Aramis Ramirez, not on the list.

Carlos Quinton, not on the list.

Yeah, all right.

Miguel Cabrera? Miguel Cabrera, not on the list. Wow. Okay. And Adam Dunk.

That's a tie game. So what's our top five? The top five, Andrew Jones led the league in home runs. Andrew Jones? A-Rod was second. David Ortiz was third. A repeat from the hit list, Derek Lee had a season.

And then Manny Ramirez.

Third category, we're going to the wins leaders in the 2005s. Not teams, pitchers.

Roger Clemens. No. Roger Clemens, not on the list. No. Okay. Randy Johnson. Randy Johnson, not on the list. Really? Okay. Pedro. Pedro Martinez, not on the list.

Okay. I'm feeling better about myself. I am feeling like an idiot.

Not on the list. Okay, thank God. Roy Halladay. Roy Halladay. Not on the list. This is insane. Tim Hudson. Tim Hudson.

Mark Pryor, not on the list. You guys are going to kick yourself at who would have been five points. Go. Tell me. Dontrell Willis, the D-Train. Oh, no! 20-plus wins that year. Oh, so Chris Carpenter's on this list. Chris Carpenter was number three.

Bartolo Colon was two, Chris Carpenter was three, Roy Oswalt was four, and then John Garland was fifth place.

Going into the fourth, anybody's game, the fourth category is strikeouts. As a? As a pitcher. Okay. Who was punching people out.

Yeah, now I can't remember any of them. All right.

CeCe Sabathia, not on the list. Chris Carpenter. Chris Carpenter is on the list. He is third on the list, three points. You kept him off? I kept him off.

Roy Oswalt, not on the list.

Randy Johnson, fourth, so you get two points there. Ooh, not three though. Okay, so I'm still one behind you. Pedro Martinez. Pedro Martinez, fifth on the list, so you get one point. So we're tied. Wow. And Bartolo Colon. Bartolo Colon, not on the list. This was Pedro's Met year. Again, you're going to kick yourself on some of these names. I know I am. Johan Santana was first for five points.

Second on the list, somebody you said last round, Jake Peavy.

Four points. No! Would have been four points.

And it was Chris Carpenter, third, Randy Johnson, fourth. And then there was a three-way tie for fifth. Doug Davis, Pedro Martinez, Brett Myers.

Thank you for watching! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You're listening to DraftKings Network.

Yeah, so P&G, third annual Battle of the Paddles event. Going to be playing some ping pong with some of our favorite NFL players. I'm teamed up with Kirk Cousins. We're going up against Micah Parsons, Chris Olave, Drake May, who are also teamed up with other celebrity fans. And it's going to be good. Single elimination. We play to 11, got a win by two. I'm excited.

I'm not like an advanced ping pong player, but I feel like I'm good enough to hold my own. But I'm hoping that Kirk Cousins just puts the team on his back and we can get the win in this one.

Like, honestly, I don't.

I don't. But I am a Falcons fan. I am from Georgia. So he is one of my QBs. I have faith in him. Right. But honestly, something about Kirk strikes me as someone who's played ping pong in his day. He gives me that vibe.

Well, I remember I interviewed Kirk, and he said, you know, my teammates always say I have the dad swag, but I think my swag has no swag. I can just see that person being an expert, you know, on the ping pong table. That's how I envision Kirk. I think he's good at probably a lot of, like, alt sports.

I've done some light practicing. I may have stopped at a bar or two. I've learned that I have a much better backhand than I do forehand. There's something about the control, you know, when you're going that way with the backhand. I need to improve my serve just a bit. Honestly, this is my thing with P&G Battle of the Paddles, which obviously I'm super, super excited to be a part of it.

And I want to give you tips. I love this.

Mm, that is, so what's the key to a good slice?

Okay.

This is good. If you have any more tips, please, because I really want to beat Micah.

I want to beat Micah. Because all Micah is going to do is talk trash.

I really don't know. I hope it's Kirk.

Okay, so slice.

Get you a sandpaper racket.

Figure out your underspin.

get mobile get active yes tell me what you got yes I'm with it are you are you it's very helpful and I'm not just saying that I will be so when you're watching yes streaming on complexes youtube channel right and you need to do the slice just know it was for you

All in on that. Now I'm like, okay, I need to get my slice over the net. That's my fear now. It's going to go all the way, but I got you. I'll be working on it.

I'm so excited. I can't wait to be in the building. I love the energy of the Super Bowl. So it's going to be great. And of course, an amazing matchup. And coincidentally enough, the first P&G Battle of the Paddles was the same matchup. It was Eagles-Chiefs.

A little deja vu, but I think that this year I'm going to win Battle of the Paddles. TBD.

I think, and so I am not a person. It's very clear to me that so many people are like anti-Chiefs. They don't want the Chiefs to win. I don't feel that way. I think it's really great that we get to watch greatness. And if they win, I'd be happy for this to repeat and be there to watch history. So if Chiefs win, amazing, good for them. I would personally love to see the Eagles win.

So I will be sort of, you know, with my fan hat on, be rooting for the Eagles. I just love what Saquon has been able to do this year. Happy that Jalen is back in the Super Bowl. I just like the story of it. So I think that's who I'm going to go with.

Well, Saquon, I'm very, very close with Saquon and his family. I've known Saquon since he first got into the league. And it's funny. So every year, obviously Saquon's birthday is February 9th. So this year he's playing the Super Bowl on his birthday. But every year we always do like something really big with his family. Like three years ago, we all did Mexico.

The other year we just rented out the spot and did a big dinner. And after week one this year, I texted and said, I just have a feeling that this is going to be the first year that we are at the Super Bowl. Why do you know? So I'm rooting for the Eagles, for sure.

It's pretty crazy, right?

I saw the vision early.

Well, I think that at this rate, Saquon just, like, loves the story that he now has, right? Right. You know, he went to this new team and just found new life. I interviewed him for our Thursday night football game that we had with the Eagles. And he was just like, you know, I didn't know what my value was going to be. And I didn't know what people thought my worth was going to be.

And he was like, I've learned through this that all of those are just words. Like, what one person thinks about you is different than what somebody else does.

He's just obviously all in with Philly and loves this circumstance and loves his teammate. But, I mean, of course, winning is very fun. So I'd love it too.

Yeah, I'm sure they have that all figured out. But I know it's a birthday. So regardless, there will be some sort of celebration of life. But I know his mind is mainly on winning that game. It's all his friends and family that care about the birthday. He's like, I have a Super Bowl to win. He's like...

Hey, what can I say? Now you know what you can see? Me winning Battle of the Paddles. I got to manifest that.

Yes, P&G Battle of the Paddles. Tune in. Watch some of your favorite NFL players go against one another in a double single elimination tournament. Plans and Ping Pong will be streaming on Complex's YouTube channel Wednesday at 7 Eastern time.

Got you.

I do too. I appreciate the tip.

You too. Bye.

It's a slow burn, but so far Bill Belichick has hired two people. His son as the defensive coordinator and then Lombardi's son as the quarterback coach. And we also got Purdue's backup quarterback.

So we got not the starter, but the guy who couldn't beat out the starter.

It's not Eric Gagne. Four points. In 1997, I helped my own cause and batted 288, winning a silver slugger.

Taylor, who was our final player? I was traded by the team that drafted me for a reliever in a deal that also brought back a pitcher who would later throw a no-hitter. I have a first guess.

That dude was raw. I spent my entire 15 year career with one team. I guess.

I regret to inform you guys, all three of those guesses are wrong. So we're moving on to three points. But that clinches the win for Jordan.

Who is it? Keep going. Keep going. Three points. I am tied with Carlos Ruiz for the record of most no-hitters caught by a catcher with four. Is it Posada? Jeremy, do you have a name written down? Was he traded?

We'll go to two points. I'm tied with Jorge Posada and Yogi Berra for most postseason home runs.

Today you guys are playing Who Am I? You'll get five clues. If you get it on the first clue, you get five points. The second clue, four points and so on. There's no penalty for guessing and getting it wrong because I want to encourage you guys to throw names out there per round. Love this. I never won the Cy Young despite having six top five finishes.

Let's get another clue. Second clue for four points. I was the first pitcher to retire following a 20-win season since Hall of Famer Sandy Koufax in 1966. 20 wins is like, okay.

It's going to be four points for Jordan.

Wow.

All right, Taylor, who's our next player? I feel good about that. Yeah, you should. Wow. Second player for five points. I made my MLB debut in September 2005 as a defensive replacement and struck out in my only two at-bats that season.

All incorrect. We're going to the four points. Okay. All right. Thank goodness. My first name was supposed to be Hamlet because of my grandmother's love of Shakespeare, but the clerk severely messed it up. I've got it. I got it. Yeah. I got it also.

Adnan, the Mets go out, they get Juan Soto, the splash of the free agency. Their pitching was supposed to be their weakness. How do you make sense that the Mets have the best ERA in baseball right now?

who's our third uh player to guess here third player for five points i'm the only pitcher in mob history to throw no hitter against the same team in back-to-back seasons oh i think i know i'm gonna go first and i'm gonna say justin verlander uh i'm gonna go

No. Just let them take it. We're going on to the second clue. Okay, correct. For four points, I was on the cover of MLB 2K9. Oh. MLB 2K9.

For five points, player four, in 2002, I led the MLB in saves with 55.

She just got here, I think. That's why she didn't hear all the other great vest jokes.

Also, Dan, das Ding ist, ich und Stu Gotts haben uns gechannelt und ich habe über Hoops und solche Sachen nachgedacht. Und ich erinnere mich an eine Konversation, die wir am letzten Tag hatten, als Zaz hier war. Wir haben über Coachs gesprochen, als sie früher Coachs waren und Schuhe tragen und all diese Sachen. Und ich hatte nie wirklich eine Vorstellung von den Coachs, die sie sagten.

Ich habe nur die Namen gehört und ich habe gesagt, Gene Hsu. Ich weiß nicht, wer das ist. Aber dann habe ich es gesehen und dann habe ich die Vision gesehen, Dan. Ich habe die Schuhe, die weiße Haare verstanden. Ich verstehe es. Und ich habe einfach ein paar Namen von Leuten geschrieben, die ich mag, wie sie aussehen. Aber wer ist derjenige, den du aufhörst?

Ich werde schauen, ob ich eine Karte von Cotton Fitzsimmons bekomme. Es kostet nur 1,99 Dollar.

Dick Mata, diese Gläser.

Wenn es eine gute Liste ist. Okay, wir haben 45 Sekunden. Okay, hier geht's. Nummer 5. Der Zar Mike Fratello. Oh mein Gott.

Number four, Doug Mo.

Number three, Gene Hsu.

Nummer zwei, Dick Motta. Nummer eins, Chuck Daly.

And they have all their focus on destroying the NCAA that they have no idea that their head coach is out interviewing for other jobs as they speak. As they were taking down the NCAA, Darian DeVries is at Iowa, is at Indiana, having these conversations. Unfortunately, he picked wrong, chose the wrong choice, and decides to sign with Indiana and leaves.

So West Virginia now has waged war with the NCAA. They're coachless. They're not in the NCAA tournament. They're not in the NIT. They declined the invite. So now... Things are bad. And just like a little cherry on top, the team that they focused on, that they were like, we're better than, Carolina.

Carolina in the first four beats the literal crap out of San Diego State to the point where I had to turn it off because it felt excessive. I said, I don't want to watch this. Not safe for young viewers. It was such a beatdown.

I think it's Louisville.

Hey, Taylor. Welcome to God Bless March Madness. Oh, it's so exciting. It's presented by Priceline. Dreaming about that trip? Book it and go to your happy price with Priceline.

He's weird.

I don't know if there's ever been a tournament release where so many coaches have been upset about one seeds, which I know it's only two out of the four, but that's a high number that it's happened twice. Usually people are pretty pleased to be a one seed. So it started with UCLA getting the number one overall seed. They only have... what, two losses on the year to USC both times.

And then South Carolina got the second overall seed. So Dawn Saley was super, super upset, saying that South Carolina deserved the number one overall seed. I test she's absolutely right, correct. What South Carolina did after that UConn loss, which was awful, it was a terrible loss. I haven't seen South Carolina lose like that in a very long time. They've completely turned it around.

They are playing like the best team in the country. And then you saw that in the SEC championship, where... Texas didn't stand a chance. It was all South Carolina the entire time. So Dawn Staley comes out and she's like, we should be the number one overall seed. This is messed up.

And then she kind of pulled a little bit what Alabama did when they were left out of the playoff and was like, we're not going to schedule tough teams anymore if we're not going to be rewarded for that. She was like, okay. And I do agree that South Carolina is the best team in this field. They probably should have been the number one overall seed. However, UCLA was number one overall seed.

UCLA has a head-to-head win over South Carolina. And when they have a head-to-head win over a team, you're like, girl... I think you're right, but they do have a head-to-head win over you, and it's hard to argue with that. And so I do think it's totally valid. I think they're the best team in the tournament.

I think they're going to win the whole thing this year, especially because I think that Dawn Staley definitely believes her team is the best overall team in this field. I think she's doing a little bit of the Kirby Smart thing, you know? Everybody's doubting you. They didn't even think you were the best team in the country. No one believes in you, South Carolina women's basketball.

And so now that there's somewhat of a chip on the shoulder for South Carolina, I think it's pretty much over for everybody else. At the same time, USC, the other one, the one in California, they were like, we don't like our number one seed. I think this one's a little bit more valid, especially because...

USC leads the series against UCLA 2-1, and the first two times they played, USC was really dominant over UCLA in a way that's made me kind of nervous about UCLA's tournament chances. And so USC got the fourth... overall highest seed, which just doesn't really sit right when they have those head-to-head wins over UCLA.

I understand that UCLA beat them at the Big Ten Championship game, but that game was dominated by USC for a large chunk of it. Like, UCLA just came back and kind of had one of those moments. And so what's really upsetting is that USC got UConn as the two seed in their region. And nobody, like, every two seed is good, but UConn is... a particularly good two seed.

As we talked about just a little bit ago, UConn beat the brakes off South Carolina. Like this is not your average two seed. And so the fans are super upset because it's like Juju Page is a matchup you get in the final four, not the elite eight. So USC is unhappy about their seeding. The other USC is unhappy about their seeding. Texas and UCLA, pretty quiet. They seem to be pleased with everything.

Don't you have, like, work to do?

Yeah, they're not having a particularly good time. So it started Selection Sunday. I guess you could say it started in the Big 12 tournament. But Selection Sunday, West Virginia has left out in favor of Carolina, or at least that's the team they're kind of focusing on, the one that they were like, we deserve to be here more than Carolina does. So West Virginia is all levels of bad.

And despite that there were probably a lot more serious problems happening in that state, the governor was like, nope. This is not allowed. You have done it. You have waged war with the state of West Virginia. And so he comes out and is like, NCAA, it's coming for you. Good luck. Hope you're ready for it. Then we're going to destroy the selection committee. All of that is happening.

Incredible spin.

He sees you when you're practicing. He knows your favorite plays. Your script won't work on the first try. Cause he's got it all on tape. Oh, you better watch out. He's getting his guys. You better find out that Ball's PSI. Belichick is coming to town.

Mario Crystal Ball! Ich habe meinen Crystal Ball angeschaut und es sagt, dass du nie einen ACC-Titel gewinnen wirst. Du hattest einen Life Wallet. Wir haben einen Bella Check!

One more time! Bill O'Brien, you learned at Bill Belichick's knee. Now prepare for him to bend you over it and give you that proper spanking.

Dan Levitar, you put air quotes around me as a Carolina insider after I told you specifically Freddy Kitchens was coaching UNC in the Fenway Bowl. You heard the word kitchen and stopped listening to everything I said after. Yeah, get his ass! So this is the story. Give it to me again! I told you this was done and finalized. Adam Schefter said there were still hurdles.

Schefter, that ink was dry and the only hurdles were the one I was leaping over as I ran circles around you. Fuck off!

SMU, you invented cheating in football and didn't win shit. Our head coach perfected it and won six Super Bowls.

Give it to him again! ESPN, the four biggest letters in sports, got scooped on the biggest college football story of all time by someone living in Miami's smallest studio apartment!

Dan Levitard, you tried to bring your school down. I only lift my school up together like the phoenix from the ashes rising as one. The only way Miami could lift you is with a forklift. Das ist ein Scham-Joke.

Jessica, ich bin überrascht bei deinem Fatsch. Er hat mehr, Dan. Er hat mehr Fatsch. Duke Football, willkommen zurück zu einer weiteren Dekade Irrelevanz.

Again! Dave Clawson, what are you still doing here? UNC's mascot is a ram with big balls. And now their head coach is the goat with even bigger balls.

That should be a... Did you say Mario Cristobal? Mario Cristobal and whatever's left of Life Wallet. Best of luck against Bill bleeping Belichick and his giant throbbing 20 million dollar endowment.

Zwei Mal mehr! Zwei Mal mehr. Unser Maske-Name ist Ramses. Die ACC wartet nur noch auf Bill Belichick, Rams, Dees. Und es wird alles auf einer Ringkamera gefilmt, um die ganze Nation zu sehen. Du hast recht, Hopp. Geh wieder, Kind. I have to find where I was! He's reading some notes and he's screaming. Brett Key!

You better lock every door at practice and throw away that key because Bill Belichick is strolling into town!

Today, you guys are going to get a player's career path. You'll have to write down who you think the player is, and then we'll reveal if you get the player right, you get a point. 10 rounds and a hint for you guys. Every player here has made an all-star team. So I'm not just throwing, you know, bottom of the roster guys. That's great.

First player up, a Yankee in 1998, a Marlin from 99 to 2005, and then a Red Sox from 2006 to 2010. Wow.

Yeah, that's... Started with a Marlin to try to help you guys out.

Is that right? Was not Lenny Harris.

It's a reliever, right? It's Mike Lowe.

All right. Second player coming your guys' way. started with the pirates from 96 to 2004 was an a in 2005 2007 cubs 2007 brewers 2008 2009 and then a royal in 2010. all right you know what i have a guess i just thought of something like i have no idea but whatever

It's Jason Kendall.

Player three coming your way was an Astro from 95 to 2003, was a Philly in 0405, was a Met from 2006-2009, Red Sox in 2009, and then Brave in 2010. I don't even have a guess.

Player four was a Minnesota twin from 97 to 2007, was an angel from 2008 to 2012, was a Tiger in 2013 and 2014, and then closed out his career going back to Minnesota in 2015. I think I have a guess, but I'm... Give me a second. Now I'm worried.

We're going to tie this up. Go to question number five. Player five was a Blue Jay from 1993 to 2004. Got it. I know it. Was a Marlin in 2005.

And then was a Met in 2006 to 2009. This one's easy, Jeremy.

All right. Jeremy leads 2-1. Player six was a Royal from 95 to 2000, was an A in 2001, was a Red Sox in 02 to 05, was a Yankee in 06 to 09. I know it. Tiger in 2010. Ray in 2011. And with the Cleveland franchise, 2012. I got it. Hold on. I got it.

Player seven, Jeremy with the lead, was a Blue Jay from 1999 to 2010, was an Angel from 2011 to 2012, was a Yankee from just in 2013. I know this player. I know this player.

It's a 4-2 lead. We're on player number 8. Player 8 was a Tampa Bay Ray from 2002 to 2009. Was a Red Sox in 2011. Wait, do I know this player? and was a Dodger 2013 to 2016. No, this guy started as a Dodger.

Was a Yankee in 87 to 89, was a Blue Jay in 89 to 95, was a Marlin in 96 and 97, was a Met in 98 to 2004, was a Marlin in 05, and then was a Yankee to close out his career also in 2005. That doesn't make me feel good. That doesn't help. Oh, shoot.

The last player was a Dodger in 97-98, was a Red in 1998, and then was a White Sox from 1999 to 2014. This is a jerk move.

It was Paul Canerco.

Welcome to the Pitch Clock. Here's the pitch. A two-part baseball segment combining a nostalgic baseball trivia game and an interview with an expert. This is the Pitch Clock. Another week, another pitch clock. Hi, everybody. We're back. It's me. It's Chris. It's Taylor, as always. We'll get to our MLB expert coming up in just a moment. But Taylor, what is our trivia game for today?

On April 11th, Jose Quintana of the Brewers made history when he beat the Diamondbacks and became the 24th pitcher in MLB history to get a win versus all 30 MLB teams. In front of you guys, you have to guess the other 23 pitchers on that list. And to help you guys out, I gave you the initials of the pitcher, the team they won the game for, and the year they did it.

And it's three strikes and you're out format. Okay. We'll have Chris go first.

See, now, all right, and that's correct. Al Leiter is correct. Yeah, all right. Damn. All right, I'll just go to the next one. 2004 Yankees, Kevin Brown. Never earned his pinstripes, it is Kevin Brown.

2004 is Churchill.

Fourth guess overall. I'm going to go ahead and skip over to 2008. The Phillies, JM. That's Jamie Moyer. Yeah.

It is Jamie Moyer, who pitched until he was 49. Oh, my God.

I love him.

It is Padilla.

All right. I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to try to just stay in chronological order where I can, but I'm going to skip. Ooh, I'm going to go to 2010 San Francisco. I thought you were staying in order. Well, I skipped WW. I skipped RJ. I'm just where I can, you know, that shows you what I don't know. Yeah.

2010 giant is Barry Zito.

Oh, but I'm afraid to say. My plan backfired. I'll get a strike if I need to. 2016 Chicago Cubs, JL. Is that John Lackey?

It is John Lackey. Chris's plan immediately backfired.

I made the same mistake. I think it is so funny that you made the decision to say, let me do the safe one. Got it wrong.

You could say you were lacking the knowledge that he was a cub. Now our 2025 MLB expert is here and I'm really excited to welcome in Ryan Bass because not only is he a fellow UCF Knight, not only is he a fellow MLB in-game reporter for the Tampa Bay Rays, but Ryan, you also have a pretty amazing connection to this show.

So I'm going to give you a second to endear yourself to the audience before we get to your analysis.

You're the man. Thank you for all of those kind words that none of our audience wants to hear whatsoever. What they do want to hear about are Dan's Tampa Bay Rays because you are – the in-game reporter for them. And they've been one of the hotter teams in baseball as of late. They had a nice series sweep over the San Diego Padres. So do me a favor. Let's tell people about this team.

Who's worth watching? What's worth watching? And why is the answer my favorite player in baseball right now, Chandler Simpson?

Let's talk about some sort of general team results here. When you look around Major League Baseball, you look at the standings. Who's a team that has stood out to you as a surprise thus far through about a month of Major League Baseball?

with Javi Baez batting ninth as their everyday center fielder. So that's something, if you're not paying attention to Major League Baseball, that you just learned. Thank you for listening to the Pitch Clock. Anywho. So I have a strike? There's a strike on Chris Cody through four rounds. We have one strike on Chris Cody. And you're back up, Chris.

It is Max Scherzer, and in that start, he had 20 strikeouts. Wow.

Wow. That's impressive. Fun fact. I'll stay in this general area of time and say that the 2015 San Francisco Giants TH, is that Tim Hudson? It is Tim Hudson.

2021 Yankees, Garrett Cole. It is Garrett Cole up against the Astros. I'll go ahead and go one year previous or one slot previous to that. It's 2019. It's the Houston Astros with the initials ZG. That's Zach Rankin.

Against the Royals, correct.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and say...

I'm just to think out loud here. The 2023 and 2024 selections that are there, I can't understand why I don't know who they are.

Because obviously I should know who they are. The Brave is going to come to me at some point, but the 2023 Met is bothering me.

I think I know the other one, and I'll go there first. Oh, damn it.

2010 New York Yankees JV. Is that Javier Vasquez?

It is Javi.

It is Charlie Morton, who is off to a dreadful start this season. The Rockies are presently on pace for 24 wins this Major League season. Ryan, what in the world is going on with the Rockies?

I don't know how they recover from this. I hate in sports in any sense when we see guys that we know are elite at what they do start to struggle at that thing. And right now, relievers around Major League Baseball, particularly closers, are really struggling. And I want to highlight a couple of them. Emmanuel Class A, who we talked about several times last year on the Pitch Clock.

if not for Tarek Scooble, could have been potentially the Cy Young as a Cleveland Guardian closer. And then there's Devin Williams, who was the big acquisition for the Yankees as a reliever this offseason. What's going on with these closers? Is there something there?

Or, you know, are we going to be looking back at this episode of the Pitch Clock at the end of the season and be going, what were you worried about?

So here we go. I think I've decided that here on the pitch clock, I want to start focusing on stardom around the game to take something from the Lonely Island podcast with Seth Meyers, where those guys are talking about what they refer to as a golden era in SNL, which was, you know, Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler and Fred Armisen and Bill Hader and all of them.

I think we're in a golden era of stardom and Major League Baseball this week. I have two names for you. They're pretty obvious names within stardom. Paul Skeens, Aaron Judge. Pick the guy you want to, and let's roll.

He's going to go down certainly as one of the greatest right-handed hitters of all time. And to know that we're witnessing that while on the other coast, we have maybe the greatest baseball player who's ever lived in Shohei Otani. It's a great time for it. And you can watch the Tampa Bay Rays with Ryan as their in-game reporter. Follow him on social media.

Thank you very much for joining us on the Pitch Clock. Let's get back to our game. Oh, I realize who that one is. Okay, that works out better. I hate you. So I'm going to go ahead and go 2012 Cleveland, Derek Lowe.

It's Randy Johnson.

I was just no, I can't believe this. All right, man. I really want to get not Woodrow Wilson with the San Diego Padres. I feel like I would remember a WW, right? That's not what I'm not. I'm just going to go ahead and get the one that I know here. The 2023 New York Met is Justin Verlander. It is Justin Verlander.

So that is your second strike.

Pass. I'm going to put Jeremy's official guess as Cliff Lee with a K. All right.

Incorrect.

It's not Daniel Holland. And that's going to be Chris Cody's third strike. Thank God. For a second.

I pass. I pass. I can't. I don't know any of these.

For a second, he had me worried because it is a Daniel. Dan Heron.

Oh, . I throw 88. Damn it. Wow. Dan Heron.

Taylor, can you tell us the other three? Not as gettable. The Ranger in 2004 was Terry Mulholland. The 2006 Padres, Woody Williams. No, that one.

Never heard of that person.

And then 2015, the Milwaukee Brewer, Kyle Loesch.

Taylor, this was a good game. And guess what? It's another victory for your boys. So mad. I'm pretty excited. Hey, another Pitch Clock next week. We'll see you then.

Spiel das Geräusch für mich wieder, bitte. I got two words for you. F*** you. That's right. F*** you and the horse you rode in on. And the cavalry behind you. That's right, motherf***er. Yeah, I'm taking it personal. We gave you our love. We gave you our f***ing heart and soul. It wasn't enough. You turned your cap around after the World Series. I saw that f***ing move. 700 million, 730.

Yeah, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. Guaranteed years. It wasn't enough. You don't even choose the Dodgers. You don't even choose the Dodgers. You go off-Broadway to the Mets. You don't want to be on Broadway. And you don't want to be Judge's guy? You don't want to be Judge's partner? Oh, that's right, Judge. Now it's your team. That's it. Let's stick it up his f***ing ass. That's right.

Let's go out. Let's get burned. Let's get f***ed. I don't give a f***.

Our hopes were high when we got you from San Diego. A ridiculous price to pay for a rental that still lost world series. In five games, I thought you'd wear pinstripes forever. But forever's gone away. It's so hard to say goodbye to one so dull.

F*** you. That's right. F*** you and the horse you rode in on. And the cavalry behind you. That's right, motherf***er. Yeah, I'm taking it personal. We gave you our love. We gave you our f***ing heart and soul. It wasn't enough. You turned your cap around after the World Series. I saw that f***ing move. 700 million, 730. Yeah, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. Guaranteed years. It wasn't enough.

You don't even choose the Dodgers. You don't even choose the Dodgers. Go off-Broadway to the Mets. You don't want to be on Broadway. Ah.

This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.

Remind me of his title.

No, I think it's more progressive.

He's one of the captains of Team USA going into this tournament.

Oh my goodness. This is the Don Levitard show with the Stugatz.

Well, they were booing it because the Canadian national anthem was so terrible.

Yeah, I think it might actually grow the sport because a lot of demographics that don't usually watch actually watch for the intrigue. So I think it might grow. I can't believe that Yankee story.

From... Face-off dot to face-off dot. Top of the face-off circle to the bottom of the face-off circle. That's how much room that he had. It was a full—like, they were in Rhode Island. That's how wide open they were.

Mike, Jordan Bennington, let's start over time.

Well, going into this tournament, I mean, their inspiration was Johnny Goudreau. And his death and the memorial lies in him in this tournament. That's overshadowed. The fans chanting Johnny Hockey was awesome. That was awesome.

Yeah, it was playoff rules. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Right.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, sweet. Hey, John. What are you doing? What'd you do?

So how did you, yeah.

I, maybe I'm crazy. I think part of dealing with pain and part of dealing with trauma is metabolizing it, not avoiding it. And so I want to be able to get to a place. My wife thinks I'm, I'm part of like, it's a pathology for me. I'm friends with almost all, not all of them, but almost all of my exes, even back to high school.

Like if I see, hear from them or see them, it's always, I always remember joy and they may remember me like, no, no, we hate you. Like, we don't like you, John. But like, I don't know. I always want to work through those things. There's very, very few people that when their picture comes up that I don't at least smile. Either I'm laughing at them or remember when or that was a good time.

I just, I don't like the avoidance thing. So maybe in a weird way, Apple's like helping us It gives us little annual reminders of how healthy we actually are or not. At the same time, it's really dangerous to have a bad weekend in your marriage and go check out your old college girlfriend. That's really unhealthy, right? And she's becoming a fantasy. She's becoming a numbing behavior.

And also, it's interesting to be like, I wonder where that girl was that I kissed at that dance in seventh grade. Like, where is she at now?

that's natural it's never happened before in human history that we have all that at our fingertips now which leads to a bunch of weird marital challenges but um i don't think it's messy i think it's messy and i don't know how apple does all that stuff so there he goes internet's people you win again all right next question what is your favorite thing to do on a day off

I just, well, so my wife and I went, we had an, I had a speaking event. Woe is me in, at a resort in Mexico. It's pretty awesome. And she came with me and she laughed and I was like, hey, let's do this, this and this. And she just cracked up and she's like, nope, you will sleep 20 hours a day. Like every, every hour you're not working, you're not speaking or doing your thing, you'll be cashed.

And I was like, no way. I just go so hard all the time. I just collapse. And so honestly, I like to rest and be chill. This weekend starts, and I go in seasons, this weekend starts hunting season. And so I get rather feral during the season. And people always comment like, wow, you haven't shaved in a long time. And I'm like, don't speak to me, right?

And then I'll go through like the, it's all coming down the end of January into February. Like, our show's failing. What am I doing? I need to go back and be a professor. This whole thing's awful. And then in March, the sun comes out, and I'm like, let's go. Let's go for a hike. Like, so it just is cyclical and seasonal for me.

Yeah.

Cody, my manager, knows just he doesn't take a lot of my emails during the month of February because they're all caustic and ah. And he also doesn't jump at everything I suggest in March or April or May because he knows I'm overly – I want to take the world on. I'll say yes to everything, and then I'll be sad in October, November. So it's just cyclical, but I like to spend time with my kids.

I love spending time with my wife. She's a close buddy. I like playing music with the gang. I like to go into concerts. I love going to stand-up comedy. And I like being out in the woods, catching something. What about you? What do you like to do besides just drink and get tattoos?

She lies to y'all, America. I tell the truth. She does not.

Isn't she a joy, America?

two of them are a tie when the angels sing which is pretty extraordinary off the white light white heat white trash album and also on that same record my other favorite song by them is I was wrong the song I was wrong became an anthem for me back in 2000 2001 or 2 when it was released and it Mike Ness, the singer of that band, was just the pillar of punk rock attitude.

Not like green day punks where you have green hair and you're like, oh my gosh, girls. But it was like real thick black boots and jeans and we're going to fix the car and we're coming over to your house to burn it. It was like old punks. And so he was the picture of, you don't apologize, you don't say, you just go hit the next guy in the room. And...

when he came out with that song it was at a pivotal point for me growing up like going from being a kid being a college kid to it like i gotta be a grown man now and for whatever reason that lodged itself into my soul like i was wrong and it's okay to say that and the whole song is called i was wrong it's one of my favorite songs of all time but those two songs are pretty amazing all right i'm gonna go again off script off with this favorite favorite guys and roses song

favorite Guns N' Roses song? Great question. I've got multiple memories wrapped around them. Is that okay? Patience was a song that me and a guy named Brandon, who is one of the most amazing musicians I've ever played with. We used to play Patience all the time. We had a little acoustic duo and we'd travel around like little coffee shops and at college and stuff we'd play.

And that was always just the crowd favorite back in the day.

And he was so talented. That was fun. I remember Paradise City coming and being the first. That was like my generation's Bohemian Rhapsody. It was like an eight-minute. There's 14 songs. It's just utter chaos, but it's controlled. And there's a sing-along chorus to it. It was just the perfect song for a guy growing up trying to learn what rock and roll was and wanted to have his own band.

I don't like prepared, slick, like TikTok-y, video-y things. I like listening to somebody. Do you actually know what you're talking about? And is it in your gut somewhere?

Just the strum.

For nerds, like for music nerds, I listened to that intro strum. It's the most perfect, like time signature wise, tonally, like it's the most perfect that, that first chord, I would just hit, I would just back it up, back it up, back it up, because I was so perfect.

And then the end chaos where you can hear everything exploding when you see it live and they're running around and there's rockets everywhere. It's just what it's supposed to be. Like whatever you think rock and roll is supposed to be, it is. That song played live. I remember smiling ear to ear. I've seen it twice live. I smiled ear to ear, and I didn't stop.

It was just every little boy on planet Earth has imagined themselves being Slash, standing up in front of the whole screaming crowd, playing that solo at the end of Paradise City while Axl's running around behind you just doing somersaults.

Yeah. Those are important. And then there was just songs when that, when Aptide for Destruction came out, it was just such an inappropriate record. And it was just a way to like be a little rebellious kid without doing anything. You just had to put your headphones on. And much to my chagrin, 25 or 30 years later, when I saw that concert, I was like, oh, all those songs are downloaded in there.

Like I knew every word to every song. So yeah.

I remember they come out, and they start to play in their first song. And, I mean, the place erupts. And I'm with four of my oldest friends. I mean, three of my oldest friends on the planet. One of the mothers, one of my childhood second moms, She calls me. I live eight hours away. And she said, I know this is crazy.

You know, those words have never, you know, like, Delaney was very prepared. That sentence has never been uttered ever, ever. All right. So let's let them rip.

And this is the mother of one of my oldest friends on the planet who's paraplegic now. She said, I did something crazy. I heard there's a Guns N' Roses show. I bought four tickets. Is there any way you could fly down? And the whole old gang go. And I was like, I will be there. And it was a fun, wild night. But two lines into the first song, I remember going... Whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a daughter.

I'm not singing this. What song was it? I don't want to say.

I just remember going, no, no, no. I have a daughter. We're not. This is. Mr. Rose, you're being rude and tacky. It's inappropriate. Inappropriate. So I crossed my arms for that song. But. Then we got back into it. But I just remember being like, oh my gosh, no kid should have listened to this record.

I know.

I know. Yes.

Favorite Metallica song? My gosh, that's fantastic. Going all the way back, there's a song off their Kill Em All record called Whiplash that I remember being the fastest song I remember thinking I didn't know how human beings could play a song that fast and it being electrified. I remember being like, that's what it... Yeah. I want to play that fast.

And so I remember Whiplash and gosh, I remember all those Ride the Lightning records and I just remember... I guess if I had to pick one, there's just... This is very unpopular to say, but it is very hard to beat Inner Sandman as the greatest metal song of all time.

It's perfect.

I remember being so upset with that song. I wasn't allowed to listen to the record. Like, oh, you guys sold out. Because when they played One, it was about like a war veteran. They played Sanitarium, it was about someone going crazy. So even their slower songs were about something caustic, right? But then just like James having a bad day singing about it.

It sounds like a person being seen naked for the first time. Like, this is me. And there's just that awkwardness to it that's really, it's pretty rich, yeah. Yeah, but Inner Sandman is the perfect metal song. It's the best metal song ever written. It just is. Except for Walk by Pantera. Oh, my gosh. But if I'm being objective, Inner Sandman is the greatest metal song of all time.

All right, so we'll be right back with more Ask Me Anything right after this. All right, we're back. Ask me anything. We just talked music. So what are we talking about now?

We'll just jump right in. We'll talk about trauma.

relationship advice that people get wrong, that they can... Something around they can do something to change their romantic partner. That there's some kind of behavior, some kind of something that I can do to make you do something different. We just don't have that kind of control like we wish we did.

I guess as simply as I could put it is trauma is your body reenacting something in the present that happened to you in the past. And... you can detect it when your body begins to try to protect you from something. That's probably the easiest way I could say that.

Whether it's a hard conversation, whether it's fear, whether it's somebody, you feel somebody coming up behind you, it's just your body trying to take care of you in some shape, form, or fashion. You know what? That's not a good answer. Here's a better answer.

Trauma is when you have a memory of an event, a thing, a person, a situation, and your body goes into fight or flight in the present right now. It jumps to protect you right now. Other things are just actually scary, right? Walking in a dark alley doesn't mean you have trauma.

It just means you're in a dark alley and someone might hatchet murder you as they would in one of your podcasts or in Nate Dogg's dreams. Wild dreams there. But, yeah, trauma is when you have a memory of a person, a place, or thing, an event, or situation, and your body gets flooded. It just tries to protect you. And heart rate, numbing devices, sweaty, like there's any number of things.

Crying, tearful, anything.

I mean, my honest answer is find somebody you can read it to. Go straight through that fear. Like write it down and sit down with somebody and say, I've got to tell you something bananas.

I remember someone who I love dearly, not my wife, someone I love dearly was really struggling with some intrusive thoughts postpartum and had just convinced herself that if somebody knew the thoughts she was having, these images, that they're going to take her kid. And so it was like, all right, let him rip. Tell me. And you just watch this.

I just remember her physiology changing in front of me because she'd been holding it so tight. And I said, you need to go see somebody right away, which she did. But I think there was that initial, I'm not going to take your kid. You're an extraordinary mom. You love your kid. What's going on in your head and in your heart? And then she went and told her OB-GYN, who was amazing too.

So I could actually do something about it. I couldn't do anything about it other than just be there. But yeah, I'll leave it at that.

only in the last year has it gotten very real and it gets it's gotten pretty heavy so in a strange way i have to stay pretty distant from it um because i think at the end like i say this and not to be trite but like i have the easiest part of this thing that's just to sit and talk on the phone with somebody and i look straight at a camera so i don't i don't actually see the person i'm talking to um

Maybe the most common question I get is, I want my partner to stop drinking. How do I... make my partner have more sex with me. How can I, like, you can do things like not be an ass, like be kind. You can do things like be hygienic. You can do some things, but the other person ultimately has to make a decision. Um, more, more heartbreaking. How can I help my husband be less depressed?

And the real heroes are people who listen to this thing and then go sit down and they tell their wife like, hey, I want to do something different. Or I don't know how to be a better dad, but I want to. Or the wives who say like, I need more help around here. And they've never said that. They've never seen somebody model how to say that.

Um, and so, or the person that says I'm struggling pornography or I cheated on you or like whatever it has to, whatever has to happen so that we can go to, to what happens next. Um, and that's bravery. So I'm always impressed with people who call.

I'm always impressed with people who reach out or see me in an airport somewhere and says like, I went and did the thing that, that to me is awesome, but I have to be careful not to try to carry everybody's story. Cause I can't, I don't have that kind of strength. I'm not that strong. And so, um, over the last year I've recognized the weight of it all. And it's pretty cool and it's neat.

And I've had to consciously remain at arm's length from it. Otherwise, it can become a part of my identity and that's not safe. What about you? People write in and say like, hey, thanks to John. And they always say, and team, which I guess it means you. That was me being sarcastic, by the way, everybody.

Yeah, they do way more than I do. But like, how is it for you? Well, because you read all the emails that I don't read. I don't get access to those. Like you read all the emails that come in and you hear the stories over and over.

It's just silence.

But do you ever – one of the coolest things is when somebody stops me somewhere and says – I don't want to bother you. I just need to tell you, I started talking, I've been listening to your show. I started talking to my wife different and it's made all the difference. Or I sat down with my husband and we're seeing a counselor and I think we're going to make it like they'll walk away.

And that's one of the greatest gifts somebody can give me is like, Because we all hit send, right? And we go home to our lives. And it's not like a live event where you can feel it and you know it's there and you meet people after the show and all that. This is just like you hit send. So there's something really extraordinary about somebody stopping and saying, hey, thank you.

I can't tell people who listen what a big deal that is. It's awesome.

Lead guitar for any band. Good gosh. That's a great question. I will probably go to. Yikes. It's a great question, man. Stumperoo. I would go to. 92 to 94. Pantera. There was a. They would. It's the only band I've ever seen. That's not true.

There's only been a couple of bands, very few that you walk into a room and they absolutely have absorbed the soul of that room and, or the stadium or wherever you happen to be. And those were electric seasons. And I just remember that guy could play guitar. Like these were the best of all time ever. And it's pretty cool.

How can I help my wife be less anxious? Or how can I help my wife with her, um, The challenge is you can help with the environment, but at the end of the day, somebody's got to want to or be able to or take your hand and walk with you towards healing. And it's hard when you love somebody and they're hurting on the other end of that.

So yeah, this, the way they could move a crowd with that stuff was, was just astounding to me. What about you?

Queen.

I mean, I've seen most of the bands I wanted to see. I would love to have gone to like...

see somebody like buddy guy or howlin wolf like old blues guys in a dive in new orleans like i would love to see that um shows like that i would love to go see right and catch them in the early days but man um seeing queen yeah and just being swept up in that thing i can't even yeah i'd be that'd be incredible yeah and brian may is just the I mean, he's just the perfect guitar player. Oh, yeah.

So I've seen most of the bands that I wanted to see in my life. It would have been cool to catch Hendrix or something like that. But seeing the spectacle that was Queen would have been amazing.

Yeah. But like that's right when you were doing your first marriage. That was an important time for you.

Whatever. This show is brought to you by Geritol. Yeah.

This is Sacrilege in the rock and roll community. Kiss is the one band that I've never been able to figure out.

I've never understood them. Yeah. Like the fixation. And I hear that a lot of it was reading liner notes because they didn't have MTV back in the day. They didn't have all stuff. All they had were these pictures of these guys in the albums. And that's all you had. There was no websites. There was no social media.

So you just would buy the record and you'd open it and there'd just be these pictures and they would make little booklets. And...

Market everything.

I just think you like him because he was dressed like a cat.

But it's just... Kelly has a thing for men. Fortunately, her husband does not have this, but she loves men with like just stringy Burger King manager mustaches. And Peter Criss just like painted his on. And you loved that. Shout out. I was a Burger King manager mustache. I don't want to try to drag you guys down because y'all are making it happen with that Whopper with cheese.

But like, you know what I mean? Like just the little like, oh, just let's just shave that guy. You love that. I can't hear you.

But I think the most common advice is five tips to make him fall for you or three tips. It's just all bull crap, dude. You can create a context, but the most important thing is can you sit down and look at somebody and say, here's what I want, here's what I need, will you be with me? And they have to say yay or nay. And that's scary, scary.

Every once in a while, I'm right on the nose. Yeah, yeah. All right. All right, we'll be right back to wrap up this AMA if you're still with us. No one's listening to this, Kelly. We'll be right back. All right, we're back with, I guess, the last segment of this Ask Me Anything. It's mostly been talking about Kelly's music preferences.

Oh my gosh. Can I just say the phrases that just popped into my head?

I can and I don't have to. I get to and I will. And I know when to fight, and I know when to provide, and I know when to love, and I know when to lay it all down. And masculinity is knowing when.

We've never really talked about it on this show. We're going to lose some listeners on this one. That's okay. Like you said, no one's listening anymore. I spent years... Learning mixed martial arts so I never have to fight anybody. I can. And I won't. I just will walk away. And I grew up... My dad was a homicide detective.

I grew up around guns and I know how to handle guns so that I never get some fantasy about using them. Right? I know how to...

go out and hunt a deer and to from start to have it in the freezer and then cook it right i know how to do that so man i really enjoy a hamburger and cheeseburger right and so it's it's i think there's this idea that you do all these things so that you can exert your will on the world That's such a lame way to live. It's an exhaustive way to live.

But also equally exhaustive is this new world where men are happy about the things they don't know how to do. I don't know how to do that. I would never want to. That's insane too, right? That's just a little sliver of history. So I think this idea that I can, and because I can, I don't have to, is a, I think Jordan Peterson says, becoming terrifying so that I can be as gentle as possible.

Because if you're not, if you don't have that power and that strength that you know you can draw upon, if I didn't know, I couldn't go get my family food if I needed to, then I become an anxious mess. You follow every political trend and you outsource every decision, everything, every, ah, to everybody else and you never have peace.

And in the book, I don't want to talk about it, by Terry Real, it's one of the top five books of my lifetime, but he talks about going to meet a warring tribal chief, I think in Africa. And he noticed that they were overly, overly affectionate with their sons, holding hands with their sons, hugging their sons, kissing their sons all the time.

It's a lack of control that we don't have a psychology for in our culture.

And he asked about the interplay between this war tribe and this affection. Like, which one is it? And the chief said something along the lines of, It's both and. It's the mark of a true man is knowing when to do which. And that always sat with me. Like, that's it, right? I can, so I don't have to. And that to me is it.

Well, number one, if they don't have a device, they don't have a device. Number two, if a kid shows them something, they're going to show them something at school. I mean... you play as much defense as you can, but you got to send your kids out into the world, which means you can't just, you can't play defense by prevention and have no conversation. You got to talk about it.

And I always go back to those like,

it's the investment in relationships so that when they see something that they can't process, like some kid shows them a terrorist beheading video on some social media account or they show them some, the first topless woman in their sixth grade, show them that for the first time or fourth grade or third grade and they don't have a psychology before they just saw other than it was terrifying or it was awesome or it was like,

Kind of amazing. Or like, I want to throw up. I can't sleep. It's the image stuck in my head. It's the reason you go to breakfast every Tuesday over the course of five years, six years. It's the reason you drive your kid to school with the radio down. There's those reasons so that there's a relational context for when those things pop up.

And you always enter those spaces not with, who showed you that? I'm going to... You show it with, man, thank you for sharing that. That sounds scary. Or... Yeah, somebody that has a shirt on is pretty amazing. That's why it's bounded in this context, right? That's why it's important to, so you're gentle and you open with curiosity, but kids are gonna see stuff, kids are gonna see stuff.

That doesn't mean, because I hear this all the time, they're gonna see it at school, so I might as well, and that's insane. That's like saying my kid might get punched

in a by a bully so i'm just gonna hit him all that like stupid that's just stupid um and there's i mean we're i'm over the top as a parent and um but especially when my son was younger when he's in middle school and elementary school we would if he was going to a place where there's unfettered phones and internet he wouldn't want to go i just said we just said no and thankfully the parents were always so gracious and cool one so

I guess, yeah. You want me to take my shirt off? I can't believe I'm going to say this, but yes. You've been asking for that forever, Kelly. It would help the YouTube show. Yeah, I guess. Let me see here.

um all right let's see here so here's a funny one um so i had this little just gap right here so i got these prayer hands have i told you about this yeah well you told me so i don't know if i got these prayer hands um i just saw them on old social distortion something rather and i thought they were cool um but my daughter they're praying hands but my daughter josephine when i came home she was like

why did you get a tattoo of somebody clapping for you on your own arm? And I was like, she said something like, do you need that? Or so it was so like such a skewer. I think she was six or seven. Um, the Cardinal is my, my grandmother had collected porcelain birds as a little boy. I wasn't allowed to touch them. And I always wanted to.

I think it... I don't know how old that sentiment is, but I'm guessing it's 25 or 30 years old. Maybe I can be way off from that.

And there was a blue bird and a red bird in my eyeline as a little boy. And right before she died, she gave me both of those. And after I got this tattoo, I got it downtown new Orleans, uh, super sketchy, but it was good. And I then came to find out that Cardinals... the myth of the Cardinal is it's somebody that you've lost is, is, is visiting you.

And so I spent a ton of time out in the woods and whenever I'm hunting or just out there in the woods, quiet and a red bird comes, a Cardinal comes, I always just smile. And I think I'm a grandmother. And when I see a bluebird, I just, it's, I pretend it's my granddad and it's cool. And, uh, even the other day, um, a bluebird came and sat right next to me while I was in a tree and just sat there.

And I got this overwhelming sense of peace and, And out of nowhere, I texted my sister and said, this is going to sound crazy, but I just heard from granddad. And he said, whatever you're working through, it's going to be all right. And she texted me back. She goes, well, when I get done crying, I'll call you. And I guess she'd been working.

So it was just a cool little serendipitous is what it is. This was the last Christmas card or birthday card my grandmother wrote me. It just said, we love you. And I had that. They took it and tattooed on it. So I'm just a sentimental guy.

And I got this one because of demons and dragons. I don't know. I'm just like the least hard guy there is.

I mean, I think that's been... Because I think my mom and dad, in their generation of being married, they're in their 70s, men just were and women just were. And then it became this idea that Men, masculinity, this idea, and there's all different derivatives of this, but there's something wrong with it.

Deloney Chela. It would be the Avett Brothers and Turnstile. And... My Weekly Glow. That's our band. Great choice. Great choice. Dumb button. No, I would not pick that band. I don't know. Who else would I pick?

What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us. I'm so, so grateful. Every single one of you. Mowing, vacuuming, just sitting under the covers, trying to ignore your family during the holidays or the new year. When is this coming out, Kelly?

Pantera? I'm trying to think. Yeah, I mean, OG, if I could bring him back from, like, two of them have passed away.

That would have been tough. Turnstile and the Avett Brothers could work. Pantera and the Avett Brothers would be a little bit of a stretch.

It is my show.

You know who else I would bring out? Like, 85, Run DMC.

85, Run DMC and License to Ill Beastie Boys. But they had already written Ill Communication, so they would play some of those songs even though that record wasn't out yet. And then the Avett Brothers would come on and shut the whole thing down. And God, can I just tell you this?

Of all the concerts I've ever seen, in the top five, in the top five, which is a bold statement, Mumford & Sons absolutely annihilated the place that I saw them. It was three dudes, and they had another couple of guys kind of on background instruments. I've never seen anything like it.

It was something to behold how great it was. And so if they showed up as a surprise guest, that'd be kind of cool. I'm not even a huge Mumford & Sons fan. I just remember leaving being like, there's no way I just saw that. Like three dudes come out, or four dudes, and just melt 16,000 people in this closed-air basketball gym. It's pretty cool.

But I love the Avett Brothers with all my heart and Turnstile is just the best. They're the best live band out right now. I don't know. Who would you have? Michael W. Smith for sure. Stephen Chris Chapman for sure.

So you'd have to go to church before and then after. Yeah.

Yeah, there's lots of fistfights in the parking lot already.

George Strait. Yeah, in my top 10.

The fact that men go to work and duke it out with each other every day over tiny little postage stamps of yard, right? There's something wrong with that inherently. And so if men would just... fill in the blank, with any number of different behaviors. And somehow that became a woman's responsibility.

I just remember Chris Stapleton walked out at the Ryman and just started playing this one song. I've never heard an audience that quiet. It was like we were witnessing something very spiritual.

It's unbelievable.

There's no way a human has that much talent and that much kindness. Like everyone talks about him in town like he's the kind. If people would talk about me one quarter of how nicely they talk about him. Like he is just the greatest human being. Anyway. Yes. Okay. So Turnstile would open. Who did I say?

Early 2000s, late 90s, Counting Crows. Back when they were in their heyday.

Gosh, they were amazing.

No, you're talking about Black Crows. Yes, I would love that. I want an All Birds concert.

Black Crows and the Avett Brothers. That would be cool. There'd be lots of drugs at that show being used by you. Me, I'm sober, but she is not. Man. What's your favorite tattoo you have and why? No.

God, you lie. And you lie and you lie. The truth's going to come out. We're in the age of the internets. Your Wikipedia page. Let's do that. We're going to get a

No question. It would be Deloney in Old English across your shoulders. I mean.

No question about that. Like right now, you have those two middle finger tattoos on each shoulder blade, like where the wings would go if you had gotten, like, you have those two giant middle fingers. I would go over the tops of the fingers with just the word Deloney in Old English. It'd be so good.

And when you were always wearing those wife beater, like those tank top things, it would look so rad.

Oh, I'd bring it back for the Deloney tattoo. Yeah, I would. Because when you used to run, you were associate producer of Dave Ramsey's show Forever, and you have like Ramsey in old English, like in that circle right over the top of your belly button.

And she's always held, not always, but for the last couple hundred years especially, she always held chastity, always held the cornerstone here because women have disproportionately held the... if this thing goes bad, right? You have to remain chaste 200 years ago because getting pregnant could kill you, right? Or it could be a great shame to your family if you got pregnant.

I don't pay anything. Yeah, we all can tell, like, Kelly's a volunteer spirit, right? She's just doing this one. Old PB, old pro bono.

Here we go. Death Row is the label that pays you. None of y'all know that? Oh, my gosh.

Y'all break my heart.