Chapter 1: What is the caller's situation regarding her husband's infidelity?
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Hi, Nick. I am Taylor. I am 32 years old and I am pregnant with a third baby and he cheated on me with an escort.
Wow. Well, I'm very sorry to hear that.
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Chapter 2: How did the caller discover her husband's cheating?
you may be willing to be open mind to moving forward, but like, yeah, like it's kind of like, you know, like we were just talking about before there's like, you're like, what could possibly be the excuse that allow me to forgive this person for doing this thing? And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, well they're, they're victims of horrible things as children.
And like we, we as a society have a ton of empathy for that. Right. But now, you know, he still has to be held accountable and he still has to, right his wrongs, so to speak. And now that he is aware of it, he can no longer, in my opinion, this is not a professional, you know, like obviously, this is just my opinion, you know? And I think you probably share this opinion.
He can no, it's like, it's, you kind of get one I really fucked up and here's why. And I don't know why I did this. And I'm so sorry. My therapist can explain this. And I would, you know, like I don't, you know, but he still has to now address it. He has to be committed to like working through this. You know what I'm saying? He really has to own this.
And you know, you know, am I making any sense?
Yeah, no, absolutely. Yeah. That's exactly how I feel. And you know, he is, I guess this is why it obviously hurts so much. It's because I felt like we were a team. We were, I mean, I could rely on him on anything. This came as a complete shock. I mean, as most cheating does. But this one was a complete shock. But how he has stepped up since then, I'm encouraged by.
The cynicism in me is just like, is this going to last? And obviously that's just more for time to tell.
Yeah, I don't know if you can answer that question now. If you stay in this relationship, there will be a sense of responsibility that you will have to claim in a way. As he goes through therapy, I'm assuming you guys will, if you're not already, participate in couples therapy.
Yeah. Yeah, we are.
I imagine you, again, there's this fine line when it comes to infidelity between not blaming yourself, it's not your fault, but just looking for anything that you could have done differently to maybe help avoid this going on.
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Chapter 3: What were the husband's reasons for his actions?
Right.
You know, in the past, you wouldn't have thought to ask. Now you might, you know, just like, I want to make sure we're, you know, just checking in, just making sure we're cool.
Yeah. That makes sense. Can I ask you a quick question? Yeah. Would the piece of information of why did he do it then matter in the longterm or is, is that not even important? Like, why did he do it when, because he started looking up for escorts when we found out we were pregnant with our third kid, you know, does that matter? Or is that just, am I chasing a dead horse here?
I think this is probably a better question for your therapist.
Okay.
But since you're asking. Yeah. My gut tells me, I think it's a fair question for you to ask in therapy. Okay. And I think you should ask it in cup. You should ask an individual therapy and you should ask it in couples therapy so that, you know, you guys can be in the room together. Cause I think it's a fair question.
Yeah.
I think the reality is it probably doesn't matter as much. And I think the answer probably is rooted in his history because it probably is connected. But to answer and why I think it's helpful for you to answer is because obviously you're probably thinking it is a specific thing to you being pregnant again. And it's a specific response to his feelings towards you or maybe growing the family.
And my guess is, is that while I don't doubt it's connected, it probably almost certainly isn't connected with how he feels about you or how he feels about his child.
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Chapter 4: What steps are being taken to address the issues in their relationship?
his like confirmation to show that he is doing it. So yeah, because he knows my trust is kind of like far.
Yeah. I mean, listen, at the end of the day, right now, it seems like you're a lot on the defense and you're playing catch up, so to speak. And it's really seems like in terms of power dynamic, he's holding all the cards. He's the one who's, you know, unhappy and it's his boundaries who are not being respected or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
and you're always thinking about how he, questioning and how he's feeling about you, I feel like you need to try to, for you to make a clear decision for yourself, I think you need to try to find a way to get to a place and maybe you can work on this in your own individual therapy. And maybe discuss it in couples therapy with him. I think there's a difference between
I really wanna make this work. I love this person. We have our family. More than anything, I wanna make this work. And being afraid of it ending to the point where you don't know how you'll move on if it doesn't work. And I think it's totally valid and great that you wanna save your family and fight for your family. I don't want you to be afraid of it not working out.
And I don't want him to feel like he is holding all the cards and that his wife won't be okay. I don't want him staying with you because he doesn't know if his wife will be okay without him. You will be. I mean, again, you spent half a month without him. And I want you to find that balance of encouraging him, doing what he can, but also like... What are your boundaries?
What are boundaries that he needs to respect? And at some point there needs to be like, you know, are you really in this? Are you really committed to making this work? Because I've been living in emotional purgatory for I don't know how long now.
and it's exhausting, and it's defeating, and it's just, I'm constantly sad, and I want nothing more to make this work with you, but I don't want to live in this purgatory forever of constant fear, because if you have to move on, let's just get it over with and get it done, so to speak. Let's just figure it the fuck out.
Uh, right now you're just in this constant state of like, will I be okay if my family breaks up? And it's, it's never not going to be scary to fear that.
We did put a timeline on like he did. We did, I don't know, six months. Because, of course, like his rental, like he told them when he rented it, supposedly, this is all hearsay. But he said, like, if I got back with my wife or whatever, like, could I get out of the lease? Because he signed a year lease for this rental.
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Chapter 5: What insights are shared about accountability in relationships?
ownership and i think he's just excuses and he's not taking accountability but i definitely can see myself in jordan's position if that makes sense sure do you feel like there's a part of your husband that's just kind of done whatever you did to him or however you made your husband feel do you feel like he like i don't know like the part you the part of you that's comparing yourself to jordan and i guess i can only like again you okay fine you didn't emotionally berate your partner
There's a big takeaway from the Jordan episode for me. And I think for most of the audience is that he justified his insecurities about himself and his value and took it out on his wife. And I guess what part of that do you relate to? How did you take it?
I don't relate to that, but I just, I relate into like, I feel like Jordan was just, controlling and he didn't feel like he was a priority to Jesse and Jesse was like the boss bitch that she is and she was the one who like took care of the family and made the money and he and then he just felt emasculated so or emasculated and so that's where maybe I don't see it in that so like I
But how do you? I don't know.
I just I just when I heard it, I just heard my husband and Jesse.
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Chapter 6: How does the discussion address the theme of emotional withdrawal?
Like I was like, oh, my God, Jesse reminds me of my husband so much. But then when I heard Jordan talking, I'm like, OK, maybe I'm not like Jordan, but like I can understand. But then when he was like, oh, well, my family and I, we always talk to each other.
It's interesting that you say that because my read on Jessie is that she's checked out, is that she's fallen out of love with Jordan. But there's other things to consider like her family and maybe just like, hey, listen, I don't know. Jessie, she's already been married once. This is her second marriage. No one wants to get divorced twice. That's just a lot for anyone to deal with.
And I feel like a lot of those variables are stopping Jesse from like moving on in a relationship that like she knows isn't right for her. And she's just kind of checked out. And like the more success she has as this individual and the star of this very hit reality TV show, she doesn't feel like she has a partner. So do you feel like your husband's kind of checked out on you?
I mean, if that's the part you're relating to.
Yeah. Yeah. But then him going to therapy. And wanting to try to work on it is like, okay, well, maybe there's like a glimmer of hope. But I've also heard you be like, there should be hope in relationships. Yeah, yeah.
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Chapter 7: What advice is given regarding setting boundaries with parents?
Hope is a very dangerous game in relationships. It's hard to survive off of hope in relationships when what you really need is security and love and comfort and things like that. So anyway, I think that's interesting that you say that you related to Jesse. And again, I think it's great that he's going to therapy. It is great.
I'm glad the whole financial aspect went back in that direction because the other one seemed kind of cruel on his part. And yeah, he is in therapy. That is a step in the right direction. And him beginning his individual therapy journey is also a step in the right direction. And maybe this is the beginning of something new.
But again, I really think it's important that you don't lose your power and don't and are not just sitting around and waiting for your husband to decide your future. And I think you have the right to have your boundaries and you have the right to like hold him accountable for making meaningful changes in his life because you've held yourself accountable. And yeah, listen, you're not perfect.
I'm sure you've made your mistakes. You guys have been dating since you were 19. It's hard to grow as individuals and as a couple together. Not easy to do. And you guys had to try to do that all while having kids. You have the right to have a voice in this relationship. My last caller, that was a terrible situation that she's in.
I'm just going to say something very direct and very, this won't probably feel good, but I just want to be honest with you. In this moment, I have more hope for that relationship than I have for yours.
Yeah. Yeah.
And that's only because, again, infidelity is a terrible thing, and it sucks, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But you guys, in a way, have dealt with it. She is dealing with it. But there are things that can explain it, not to make it better or okay, but... she doesn't doubt how her husband feels about her.
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Chapter 8: How can one navigate the complexities of family dynamics?
She is understanding things that played a role in this that doesn't, again, make her forgive him, but she doesn't see him as a monster, you know, because of this thing he did. And she's not constantly wondering, you know, she does feel supported. He is there. He is present. He, you know, she feels his regret, right? She feels his love. This is something they're working through.
Will they get through it? I don't know. You're playing, like, fucking mental gymnastics in, you know, this chest, trying to, like, well, it's like, this is a good sign, and this is a bad sign, and I, you know, my therapist, you know, it's just like... I don't know. Like, I mean, you know what I'm saying?
Like, if you had to, like, bet on the future of your relationship, I don't know what you would bet. Yeah. She, our last caller, in a weird way, still kind of, she feels in control. She does feel like it's her choice. She feels like she has very much a say in whether this relationship stays together or not or works out.
who knows what's going to happen and things could change, but he, I just, I just feel like your husband's way too much in control of the situation. It's not a thing that you guys are working through together and you are responding to his choices more than this is something you guys are working through together. And I feel like that needs to change.
yeah no you're right and I agree like that relationship sounds like they have a lot there's more work that they're putting in and he's putting in and then yeah my husband is he's just more like I can't take care of you or the kids if my emotional well-being isn't
taking care of right now so he's putting i mean there's like a back burner yeah i mean that's that's there's there's i guess some truth to that but like i would say man the fuck up and take care of your people and take care of your family and you know listen like life is hard and and yes but to say that you can't do it and that and and to justify checking out and being Basically not there.
The only silver lining here is that I don't think this will be as much of a shock to you as it probably feels like if it doesn't go the direction you want. In terms of what your life looks like going forward. You are living the life of a single mom. You are doing all the parenting by yourself. You don't have... a partner in the ways that some other people have a partner.
And that's emotional security that, you know, you are very much in this by yourself right now. And I'm not saying that, I'm saying that to hopefully make you feel good. I want you to, you deserve some credit.
Yeah, and I remember, like, my therapist says that to me all the time. She's like, you've done so much and you're so loyal and you're so loving and you've come a long way from, like, when I first met you when you put in the work and he's doing the same thing.
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