Terry Real

Unless you absolutely have to, 9 out of 10 times, skip the complaint and just go for the request.

And particularly women to men, men are criticism phobic because we base our self-esteem on our performance.

So don't tell your guy what he's doing wrong.

Tell him what he could be doing a little better.

Hey, you're doing a great job.

This would work better.

In our culture, we try and get more of what we want from each other by criticizing each other.

If you have to, I'll teach you how to do it.

But better, skip the criticism and go right for what you want.

Empower your partner to give you what you want.

Don't beat them down by sharing your feelings about how—that's therapy.

Therapy's been the worst on this.

Sharing your misery at what your partner's done wrong is not going to motivate them to do it better for you.

Help them do it better.

We're a team.

This is what I want from you.

Honey, what could I give you to help you give it to me?

Who sounds like that?

We have to learn how to sound like that.

So criticism.