Terry Real

I started off... My beat were couples on the brink of divorce that no one has been able to help. These women would drag these guys in, and I would lean in and tell them. She's right. You're wrong. This is what's going to happen if you don't shape up. This is what you could get if you do. You're a good guy. This is terrible behavior. Let me reach in and help you, man.

I started off... My beat were couples on the brink of divorce that no one has been able to help. These women would drag these guys in, and I would lean in and tell them. She's right. You're wrong. This is what's going to happen if you don't shape up. This is what you could get if you do. You're a good guy. This is terrible behavior. Let me reach in and help you, man.

I mean, you can do better than this. And the men would say, okay. And the women would just fold over and start to cry. They had dragged this poor sucker. The record so far was eight therapists and not one person backed up the woman and confronted the man. Not one. We're taught not to in therapy school. Not only are we not taught how to, we're actively taught that you don't do that.

I mean, you can do better than this. And the men would say, okay. And the women would just fold over and start to cry. They had dragged this poor sucker. The record so far was eight therapists and not one person backed up the woman and confronted the man. Not one. We're taught not to in therapy school. Not only are we not taught how to, we're actively taught that you don't do that.

You don't tell truth to power under patriarchy.

You don't tell truth to power under patriarchy.

Thank you. It's wonderful to be here.

Thank you. It's wonderful to be here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

42.

42.

About two years more than my marriage.

About two years more than my marriage.

Yeah, I like to say my books appear under pillows all over America. Here, honey. If you want a little action tonight, read this book. So, yeah. No, a lot of the men that I see are what I call wife-mandated referrals. And I don't mean to be marginalizing same-sex marriages. But the men I see, here's a quote from Terry Real. Shame-based people have pain. Grandiose-based people have trouble.

Yeah, I like to say my books appear under pillows all over America. Here, honey. If you want a little action tonight, read this book. So, yeah. No, a lot of the men that I see are what I call wife-mandated referrals. And I don't mean to be marginalizing same-sex marriages. But the men I see, here's a quote from Terry Real. Shame-based people have pain. Grandiose-based people have trouble.

they're not in pain, the people around them are in pain. And they come to see me when the trouble gets so great that either the people around them are dragging their butts into seeing me or the crisis has opened up and they're desperately trying to save their relationship. That's mostly how it goes.

they're not in pain, the people around them are in pain. And they come to see me when the trouble gets so great that either the people around them are dragging their butts into seeing me or the crisis has opened up and they're desperately trying to save their relationship. That's mostly how it goes.

Often. You know, two out of three. Look, here's maybe more nuanced. And this, too, is broad generality, so take it with a grain of salt. But women in our culture— It's changing with feminism, but traditionally, women in our culture lead from the one down. accommodating shame position and have covert grandiosity, whereas men lead from the one-up superior position and have covert shame.

Often. You know, two out of three. Look, here's maybe more nuanced. And this, too, is broad generality, so take it with a grain of salt. But women in our culture— It's changing with feminism, but traditionally, women in our culture lead from the one down. accommodating shame position and have covert grandiosity, whereas men lead from the one-up superior position and have covert shame.