Terry Real

And with women, they're depressed, they're depressed. With men, they're depressed. No, they're not. They're drinking. They stuff it down, yeah. Yeah. And you don't see the pain anymore. you see the flight in the medication or grandiosity that avoids the pain.

And with women, they're depressed, they're depressed. With men, they're depressed. No, they're not. They're drinking. They stuff it down, yeah. Yeah. And you don't see the pain anymore. you see the flight in the medication or grandiosity that avoids the pain.

And so many of the difficulties we think of as quote-unquote typically male, substance abuse, rage, affairs, I'm not saying all of them are fueled by depression, but many of them are. And underneath the depression is trauma. And the way we traditionally, quote, unquote, turn boys into men is we teach them to disconnect.

And so many of the difficulties we think of as quote-unquote typically male, substance abuse, rage, affairs, I'm not saying all of them are fueled by depression, but many of them are. And underneath the depression is trauma. And the way we traditionally, quote, unquote, turn boys into men is we teach them to disconnect.

Disconnect from vulnerability, disconnect from their feelings, disconnect from others.

Disconnect from vulnerability, disconnect from their feelings, disconnect from others.

Yeah, we call that learning to be independent. And the consequence of a disconnected boy is a disconnected man. We're not invulnerable. We're human.

Yeah, we call that learning to be independent. And the consequence of a disconnected boy is a disconnected man. We're not invulnerable. We're human.

I tell the guys I work with, pretending to escape your own vulnerability is like trying to outrun your rectum. Oh, no.

I tell the guys I work with, pretending to escape your own vulnerability is like trying to outrun your rectum. Oh, no.

That's a way of following. So, no, of course we're all vulnerable, but trying to live up to that superhuman code leads every man vulnerable to anxiety and shame that they then don't admit because that would be weak. So the whole thing is just a mess. And the work I do, I say I feel like a surgeon reattaching nerves.

That's a way of following. So, no, of course we're all vulnerable, but trying to live up to that superhuman code leads every man vulnerable to anxiety and shame that they then don't admit because that would be weak. So the whole thing is just a mess. And the work I do, I say I feel like a surgeon reattaching nerves.

I thought what it meant to be a man was to be raging and dominating and abusive like my father. And I wanted no part of it. My father used to beat me. I mean, he'd piss my father off and he'd get out a pretty thick belt and whack the shit out of you. And one of the things I've realized 30 years after the fact was, unfortunately, my vulnerability or sensitivity was a trigger for my father.

I thought what it meant to be a man was to be raging and dominating and abusive like my father. And I wanted no part of it. My father used to beat me. I mean, he'd piss my father off and he'd get out a pretty thick belt and whack the shit out of you. And one of the things I've realized 30 years after the fact was, unfortunately, my vulnerability or sensitivity was a trigger for my father.

If he saw me being vulnerable or sensitive, he would go into a rage. just when I needed him most. But he was very contemptuous of weakness and vulnerability. So he would never talk about his childhood. I knew it was very difficult. He lost his mother when he was eight. His father and he and his brother lived through the Depression in America.

If he saw me being vulnerable or sensitive, he would go into a rage. just when I needed him most. But he was very contemptuous of weakness and vulnerability. So he would never talk about his childhood. I knew it was very difficult. He lost his mother when he was eight. His father and he and his brother lived through the Depression in America.

His father was kind of the black sheep of the family, couldn't find work. They moved in with another relative. The relative was mean to my dad. And I got my dad to tell me, gosh, I was close to 30, that when he was, what, 11-ish, his father brought he and his brother, younger brother, into the garage and turned on the car and told him to go to sleep. And my father knew that.

His father was kind of the black sheep of the family, couldn't find work. They moved in with another relative. The relative was mean to my dad. And I got my dad to tell me, gosh, I was close to 30, that when he was, what, 11-ish, his father brought he and his brother, younger brother, into the garage and turned on the car and told him to go to sleep. And my father knew that.

that there was something wrong. And he went back and forth with his dad and finally physically fought him. And he says his shoe cracked the window, and he and his brother got out. And then he was banished the next day.

that there was something wrong. And he went back and forth with his dad and finally physically fought him. And he says his shoe cracked the window, and he and his brother got out. And then he was banished the next day.