Terry Real

Yes, of course. It softened my heart, and I felt bad for him, and I understood immediately. And he said, my father was a passive man, my father was a weak man.

Yes, of course. It softened my heart, and I felt bad for him, and I understood immediately. And he said, my father was a passive man, my father was a weak man.

That's right. And so he became the anti-that. And the anti-that was a macho asshole. But I could understand why he would be contemptuous of what he deemed as weakness.

That's right. And so he became the anti-that. And the anti-that was a macho asshole. But I could understand why he would be contemptuous of what he deemed as weakness.

Because his father's weakness threatened to kill him. It was murderous.

Because his father's weakness threatened to kill him. It was murderous.

That's a beautiful question. We don't have to go into a lot of detail, but For two years, Belinda and I and my kids and— Belinda's your wife, yeah. Yeah, a great family therapist in her own right, I want to say. We were followed by a documentarian, and there's a docu-series that's coming out about us.

That's a beautiful question. We don't have to go into a lot of detail, but For two years, Belinda and I and my kids and— Belinda's your wife, yeah. Yeah, a great family therapist in her own right, I want to say. We were followed by a documentarian, and there's a docu-series that's coming out about us.

And one of the beginning scenes of the—astoundingly enough, I was 34 years old, not married yet to Belinda, and my parents came for a week of family therapy— Wow.

And one of the beginning scenes of the—astoundingly enough, I was 34 years old, not married yet to Belinda, and my parents came for a week of family therapy— Wow.

And we filmed it. And the film survived. And what you see, and I hadn't seen it for 40 years.

And we filmed it. And the film survived. And what you see, and I hadn't seen it for 40 years.

No, someone was doing family therapy with us. Gotcha. Yeah. And what you see is after 10 minutes, I sideline the therapist, who's pretty irrelevant, actually. And I move in to my dad and mom. I am doing relational life therapy with my parents at 34. You see it.

No, someone was doing family therapy with us. Gotcha. Yeah. And what you see is after 10 minutes, I sideline the therapist, who's pretty irrelevant, actually. And I move in to my dad and mom. I am doing relational life therapy with my parents at 34. You see it.

One of the core principles of RLT is what we call joining through the truth. confronting people, but in a way that's precise and loving so that they can hear it. One of the things that therapy school says about grandiose people in general and men in particular is, you know, don't tell truth to power. We I believe my field colludes with patriarchy and protecting perpetrators.

One of the core principles of RLT is what we call joining through the truth. confronting people, but in a way that's precise and loving so that they can hear it. One of the things that therapy school says about grandiose people in general and men in particular is, you know, don't tell truth to power. We I believe my field colludes with patriarchy and protecting perpetrators.

We have done a great job of helping people for 50 years come up from shame, but we've been ridiculously ineffective at helping people come down from grandiosity. And I knew that I had to do that. So there was a moment with my dad. He started crying. I get it. Forgive me. He talked about his mother who died. He talked about his exile. And he started crying and he said, I haven't felt any of this.

We have done a great job of helping people for 50 years come up from shame, but we've been ridiculously ineffective at helping people come down from grandiosity. And I knew that I had to do that. So there was a moment with my dad. He started crying. I get it. Forgive me. He talked about his mother who died. He talked about his exile. And he started crying and he said, I haven't felt any of this.

I haven't thought about this my whole life until you started probing, Terry. And as he was crying, I put my hand on his shoulder and And I said, you cry, old man. Every tear you cry is a tear I don't have to. That was pretty wise at 34.

I haven't thought about this my whole life until you started probing, Terry. And as he was crying, I put my hand on his shoulder and And I said, you cry, old man. Every tear you cry is a tear I don't have to. That was pretty wise at 34.