Thais Gibson

So for example, let's say two people are in a conflict.

And let's say it's an anxious and a dismissive avoidant.

And the anxious person's saying, hey, you're not calling me enough.

And

Often what happens when people try to communicate is they do what we call negative framing.

So, you know, and I always say to people behind every criticism is just a need.

And we say, you don't care about me.

You didn't call me enough.

You didn't make an effort.

And all that people hear when that happens is that you're criticizing them.

And all people are going to do is shut down.

Because as a child, when you were criticized, what happened?

You then got punished.

So now you're bracing for punishment, not trying to figure out and decipher what somebody's needs are.

Yeah.

So what we do is we get people to say, hey, this is what came up for me.

So, for example, hey, I felt a little bit hurt this week because I didn't hear from you as much as I hope to.

And can we do a call every evening before bed for 15 minutes?

And when they're able to say that, now we actually have constructive communication.

And then we flip it back around because if there was a conflict, usually there's two sides.