Thais Gibson

They're criticizing themselves, sort of magnifying their mistakes, minimizing their wins in their own natural set point of their conditioning.

Then they are often not meeting their own need to feel, you know, good enough or validated or reassured.

So now they have what I call like a hole in your bucket.

Like you're going to go and because the subconscious mind will only receive well what's familiar because it equates it to safety, then you go and you say, oh, hey, tell me I'm good enough.

Tell me all these things.

But then it's like there's a hole in the bucket.

It feels really good when that water is going into the bucket.

You get that initial hit of dopamine.

Oh, my God, my partner said I'm good enough.

And then it just leaked right out.

And then that's why you see anxious attachment cells needing so much of that because they first struggle with those two pillars so profoundly.

And that's where we get, you know, confused in relationships because then we're like, you need to do this, you need to do that.

And then when it becomes unreasonable because it's coming from lack and imbalance first, then it puts too much pressure on relationships and becomes problematic.

that natural and you're scared it will push someone away because it probably will because it's coming from an anxious attachment style yeah a hundred percent taste please tell us about pillar five okay so the last pillar is learning healthy boundaries so healthy boundaries when people hear them i think some people think especially more anxious attachment styles think that boundaries mean a separation but truly every boundary is adjoining because a boundary is an authentic expression of your true yeses and your no's which is an authentic expression of you as a whole human being

And so, you know, when we look at boundaries per attachment style, there's unique patterns.

This is when I was like, whoa, each attachment style, they each have these scenes with boundaries.

Anxious attachment styles are kind of boundaryless.

Like if they're really anxiously attached, they struggle with boundaries altogether.

And so they're going to end up people pleasing into oblivion.

They get scared to set boundaries because they believe that boundaries are going to get them abandoned or disliked or rejected.