Thais Gibson

And then they get angry and they set boundaries from anger or frustration.

And they say things harshly or critically and sometimes are a little bit too harsh or critical.

And then they feel terribly guilty about it and they go back to having no boundaries.

So they're like...

No boundaries, get frustrated, express anger, feel guilty, go back to no boundaries.

And they kind of just go around in a loop.

And so what we get people to do is first, and it actually has to be done in order.

And I'll speak from personal examples, but this is what I would see replicated with like thousands of people.

When I was first doing boundary work, I knew I had to do boundary work.

I was like, I really struggle with boundaries.

So I read all these boundary books and I learned about boundaries and I read, you know, publications on boundaries and all these things.

And yet I would get into situations and I would be sitting in a situation being like, I know this is where I should set the boundary, but I would clam up and I wouldn't do it because I didn't realize that I still had core wounds around my boundary.

So consciously I'm like set a boundary and too many people intellectualize boundaries as this concept, but you're not actually going to do it in real time until you first read.

Because if your conscious mind says set the boundary, your subconscious mind says, no, I'm going to be unsafe.

And as a child, I had some kind of heavy handed punishments at times because

for setting a boundary or saying no.

So my subconscious mindset boundaries equals unsafety rather than safety and a healthy dynamic.

That's what your brain would think.

And so then I would in real time, clam up, not say it and then be like, walk away going, why didn't I set the boundary?

So what we get people to do is step one,