Thais Gibson

And then we really get to the bottom of it.

And that's part of the vetting that should be taking place in that early stage.

And then if we see red flags and we see, oh, no, no, no, that's just the red flag.

They're going to keep going without those boundaries.

Now we know the answer.

And now we're really clear.

Really good question.

So this happens fairly frequently.

But what's very interesting about this is that I have yet to see it be any kind of frequent occurrence that somebody who's deeply anxious and deeply secure stay in a long-term relationship together because their subconscious comfort zones are going to reject each other.

securely attached people if there's too much emotional burden over time and that person's not self-regulating at all or the needle's not moving they usually do eventually because they're really good at being mindful of their own boundaries they will pull away from that person or move in a different direction attachment cells are always a continuum if somebody's a little bit anxious we'll see some movement there right but if somebody sometimes you hear things like oh just date a secure person it doesn't usually work out that way just like you know people who are deeply insecure

often are like, where's the spice?

Where's the excitement?

Is it the stability seems boring?

Or they can reject the secure person as well.

So, you know, that really brings back to the work of like, you got to do the work in healing yourself first if you really want that to happen.

But if that were to be the case where you have somebody who's a little less anxious and then somebody who's really secure, then you're going to have the secure person say,

hey, I need you to be able to make sure that you're self-soothing sometimes, or I need you in maybe less clinical terms.

They might say something like, hey, you know, I'm going to be here for you and I'm going to do my best to be here for you.

And there's going to be some times where I'm stuck late at work.

I'm going through my own human things and I need you to see me too.