Thomas Curran

And I didn't think I had it at all.

and then you get thrust onto the stage and then it's and then yeah it's like everything all the preparation just melts away you forget about everything you've been taught and you just get that talk done and you get the hell off there and so that's that's the worst thing like when it's big when people are watching it's it's um it's really really intimidating for me so i don't enjoy that at all which is why i'm so you know um in all of you guys because that's that's the most terrifying part for me

Well, if it's any consolation, I love the outtakes more than the...

Right.

Yeah, I love them.

I love them.

When I'm feeling down, I just put it up.

I put some some of the outtakes from Afterlife or Derek or something like that.

I just stick them on and I can be watching for hours.

It's so funny.

Oh, this is lovely.

Well, that's the point, isn't it?

You can't define it.

no it's a it's a um it's it's completely undefinable and and it's like chasing the horizon because the closer you get the further it moves um i i think i think that's it that's the thing with perfectionism is kind of relentless striving to no particular destination and that's what's so that that's what's so problematic about it because there is no end point because perfection is kind of nebulous um ideal

and that we're just constantly on the hamster wheel aren't we trying to chase something that doesn't exist and it must be useful in a way for us my argument david is no oh uh no not at all because if well if you look at the data it could give the boring answer there's no relationship between perfectionism and performance in the data i could talk about why that is if you want but um

more more well more broadly uh it it's just not a um it's it kind of exp perfectionism and and this i'm a perfectionist and one of the things the big things i recognized when i was trying to wrestle with perfectionism was that really perfectionism exposes our dreams what we think we want there's nothing more than dead ends because whenever we reach that end point or sorry i should say whenever we reach that goal

then we always have to we always have to move to the next thing right so the better we do the better we expect ourselves to do but also the better we think other people expect us to do because now they're watching we've set a new floor for ourselves and suddenly that's the baseline now so i'm going to keep doing better i've got to keep pumping out stuff that's even more perfect uh and so that's the most exhausting that's amazing is that having your ego stroked

it is about ego but you but it's not like in a narcissistic sense where you know you want to be pumped up and and you know because you're grand you your grandiosity and in time your entitlement believe that you deserve that praise it's it's more because um deep down uh we don't feel like we're good enough but we we know we have we're imperfect we have these flaws we have these deficiencies

We have these inner limitations of weaknesses that all humans do because we're exhaustible, fallible creatures.

And we're deeply ashamed of those things.