Tig Notaro

And I bombed. This is my first road gig. I bomb the entire weekend. And then I hear before the second show on Friday or Saturday, I hear the owner saying, where is our emergency fill-in comedian? And I was thinking, oh, no, what happened to Nancy? Because I was thinking something must have happened to Nancy. I was mortified. I thought she died.

And he was like, has anyone heard from the emergency fill-in comedian? And I'm like, what the hell? And then he walks up to me and gives me my check and fires me. And it was so mortifying. It's again, my first gig on the road. It's the holiday season. I walk out the front door and I'm like, oh no, I forgot my friends were coming that night.

And he was like, has anyone heard from the emergency fill-in comedian? And I'm like, what the hell? And then he walks up to me and gives me my check and fires me. And it was so mortifying. It's again, my first gig on the road. It's the holiday season. I walk out the front door and I'm like, oh no, I forgot my friends were coming that night.

And he was like, has anyone heard from the emergency fill-in comedian? And I'm like, what the hell? And then he walks up to me and gives me my check and fires me. And it was so mortifying. It's again, my first gig on the road. It's the holiday season. I walk out the front door and I'm like, oh no, I forgot my friends were coming that night.

So my friends are in line to get into the show and they're like, woo, we're so excited. And I was like, I said, oh, I was just fired. My comedy was so bad it caused an emergency. And so they're bringing in a fill-in comedian. Like they couldn't even stomach me for the rest, like that last night. So they said, let's all go meet at the Mercury Cafe. I'm like, okay. I go to get my friend's car.

So my friends are in line to get into the show and they're like, woo, we're so excited. And I was like, I said, oh, I was just fired. My comedy was so bad it caused an emergency. And so they're bringing in a fill-in comedian. Like they couldn't even stomach me for the rest, like that last night. So they said, let's all go meet at the Mercury Cafe. I'm like, okay. I go to get my friend's car.

So my friends are in line to get into the show and they're like, woo, we're so excited. And I was like, I said, oh, I was just fired. My comedy was so bad it caused an emergency. And so they're bringing in a fill-in comedian. Like they couldn't even stomach me for the rest, like that last night. So they said, let's all go meet at the Mercury Cafe. I'm like, okay. I go to get my friend's car.

And I drive off, hit an ice patch.

And I drive off, hit an ice patch.

And I drive off, hit an ice patch.

Spin out of control like in a cartoon. I'm still in the parking lot of Wits End.

Spin out of control like in a cartoon. I'm still in the parking lot of Wits End.

Spin out of control like in a cartoon. I'm still in the parking lot of Wits End.

Okay. And then the car stops. And I'm, of course, pointed in the wrong direction. I'm mortified. I'm like, I thought for sure I was going to be wrapped around a pole.

Okay. And then the car stops. And I'm, of course, pointed in the wrong direction. I'm mortified. I'm like, I thought for sure I was going to be wrapped around a pole.

Okay. And then the car stops. And I'm, of course, pointed in the wrong direction. I'm mortified. I'm like, I thought for sure I was going to be wrapped around a pole.

And then I start laughing when I realize I lived through it because I immediately thought, what if I had used their car? Their car was a station wagon from the 70s that had clowns painted on it that said, follow me to Wits End Comedy Club. And if I had died in that moment wrapped around a light post.

And then I start laughing when I realize I lived through it because I immediately thought, what if I had used their car? Their car was a station wagon from the 70s that had clowns painted on it that said, follow me to Wits End Comedy Club. And if I had died in that moment wrapped around a light post.

And then I start laughing when I realize I lived through it because I immediately thought, what if I had used their car? Their car was a station wagon from the 70s that had clowns painted on it that said, follow me to Wits End Comedy Club. And if I had died in that moment wrapped around a light post.

Fired.