Tim Manley

All the sentences started with, I feel like.

That's a lot.

And I needed instead sort of like a more, like an email wasn't right.

So what I did then, I opened up the drawer next to my bed and I took out a black pen and I wrote on my hand, Ben.

and the ink shimmered for like a heartbeat and then it dried.

And I continued to write a message to him.

I wrote, Ben, when I feel stuck or when I feel frozen by my fears and by my doubts, I think of your face and you're telling me yes.

I took a photo of it with the camera on my laptop, but I couldn't email him the picture because it felt like he'd be too vulnerable.

And it wasn't just Ben that I had these things inside of me that I needed to say to them.

There was also my brothers and my sisters and my mother and my father and my stepmother.

There were so many people in my life who I had so many things to say to.

And so I decided that I would write a message to someone in my life every night.

on my hand and I took a photo of it every night and I started a blog called, I need you to know how much I love you.

I didn't tell anyone about it and every night I'd write on my hand, I'd post the photo and in the morning I'd wake up with like phrases like tattooed on my face backwards and they'd become righted in the bathroom mirror like I don't know but or I wish I could or you are so

And I was taking those things that were trapped inside of me, and I was communicating them to the outside.

And as I started to do this, I did it for like, well, as I did it for months, the stuff on my arms and my legs totally cleared up.

I was also exercising more and eating better and drinking more water, and I started wearing these knee-high anti-embolism compression stockings that grandmas wear.

But it was definitely all about letting the feelings out.

And so, once my body looked good, I knew I could call Ben.

And I called him from the window of my bedroom, and I told him, Ben, I have this idea about me and you.