Todd Davis

And so the point here is that as human beings, whether I live in the US, whether I live in Hong Kong, wherever, we have a tendency to listen to others with the intent to reply. We're listening to someone and we may not be talking over them. We may be eye contact and nodding. But in our minds, we're already formulating what we want to say next. And it doesn't come from a bad place. We're helpers.

And so the point here is that as human beings, whether I live in the US, whether I live in Hong Kong, wherever, we have a tendency to listen to others with the intent to reply. We're listening to someone and we may not be talking over them. We may be eye contact and nodding. But in our minds, we're already formulating what we want to say next. And it doesn't come from a bad place. We're helpers.

We're fixers. We want to solve the problem. And so we hear just enough of what the other person is saying that we think, oh, I know how to solve this. Or I know what I've dealt with this before. I know what their problem is. And instead of continuing to listen to them, our mind is already working on the solution.

We're fixers. We want to solve the problem. And so we hear just enough of what the other person is saying that we think, oh, I know how to solve this. Or I know what I've dealt with this before. I know what their problem is. And instead of continuing to listen to them, our mind is already working on the solution.

And again, those aren't bad, but people who are truly effective, those leaders who are truly effective, I love the word suspend. I'm assuming it translates the same, but suspend is to not give up on, but to put aside for a minute, my thoughts, my feelings, my response, and truly hear the other person. as much as I can put myself in their place.

And again, those aren't bad, but people who are truly effective, those leaders who are truly effective, I love the word suspend. I'm assuming it translates the same, but suspend is to not give up on, but to put aside for a minute, my thoughts, my feelings, my response, and truly hear the other person. as much as I can put myself in their place.

And I found a lot of people, they hesitate to do that because they think, gosh, if Vince is talking and I'm totally listening, they're going to think I'm agreeing with them. And people don't. If you just listen, you're not agreeing or disagreeing. You're just listening with the intent to truly understand. not to reply.

And I found a lot of people, they hesitate to do that because they think, gosh, if Vince is talking and I'm totally listening, they're going to think I'm agreeing with them. And people don't. If you just listen, you're not agreeing or disagreeing. You're just listening with the intent to truly understand. not to reply.

That is one of the most effective tools any human being, certainly leaders, but can do. I'll bet you have people in your life, Vince, that are like that. They don't judge. They're not advising or probing. They're just listening to understand. And yes, they may say something like, so when you say that frustrates you, tell me a little bit more about that. They're totally in your space.

That is one of the most effective tools any human being, certainly leaders, but can do. I'll bet you have people in your life, Vince, that are like that. They don't judge. They're not advising or probing. They're just listening to understand. And yes, they may say something like, so when you say that frustrates you, tell me a little bit more about that. They're totally in your space.

It is one of the most effective habits we can develop.

It is one of the most effective habits we can develop.

you said it perfectly. And I think you used a word a few minutes ago when you said, be curious, ask questions. In the course, in the book, and in my coaching, we talk about moving from I bet to I wonder. I bet Joe comes in late to work every day because he's probably as unorganized at home as he is here in the office. Two, I wonder why Joe seems so stressed out and hurried when he comes in.

you said it perfectly. And I think you used a word a few minutes ago when you said, be curious, ask questions. In the course, in the book, and in my coaching, we talk about moving from I bet to I wonder. I bet Joe comes in late to work every day because he's probably as unorganized at home as he is here in the office. Two, I wonder why Joe seems so stressed out and hurried when he comes in.

I wonder what's going on. I should maybe take some time and get to understand him better. So it's what you said, Vince, it's this natural curiosity, or maybe it's not so natural. Maybe it's this, but this mindful curiosity to have this active listening versus autobiographical listening.

I wonder what's going on. I should maybe take some time and get to understand him better. So it's what you said, Vince, it's this natural curiosity, or maybe it's not so natural. Maybe it's this, but this mindful curiosity to have this active listening versus autobiographical listening.

where we're listening through our own frame of reference, where we're filtering everything through my past experiences or the way that I see that. And we think it's helpful, and it is helpful at a certain time, but not when we need to understand each other. Dr. Covey said, the deepest need of the human heart is to feel understood. And I have seen that prove itself out over and over again.

where we're listening through our own frame of reference, where we're filtering everything through my past experiences or the way that I see that. And we think it's helpful, and it is helpful at a certain time, but not when we need to understand each other. Dr. Covey said, the deepest need of the human heart is to feel understood. And I have seen that prove itself out over and over again.

And you think about it, whether it's two friends or whether it's two colleagues or two leaders or a leader and employee, when they truly take the time to understand each other, not agree or disagree, but really understand each other, they can solve problems that much quicker. You asked for a specific example that I'm remembering now.

And you think about it, whether it's two friends or whether it's two colleagues or two leaders or a leader and employee, when they truly take the time to understand each other, not agree or disagree, but really understand each other, they can solve problems that much quicker. You asked for a specific example that I'm remembering now.