Todd Davis
speaker
423 appearances
6 recordings
3 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard May 2025
Todd Davis’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
They talked the rest of the time. And so we'd finish this session and I would almost start laughing because they would say, God, this was so helpful. Thank you so much. I can't believe you are just so wise. And I'm thinking, well, I didn't say much of anything. I just listened. But that is the power.
of really listening with empathy, not trying to have all the answers, but helping others really be reflective of what they're feeling and what they're thinking. I mean, I loved your example of the interaction you had with this person who you realized, and hopefully it was unintentional on her part, but where she was just kind of manipulating the whole conversation with this marionette puppet.
And a good listener can help somebody come to that realization and saying, so help me understand why you respond like that. Well, because she says this thing and it triggers me. Okay, but do you have to be triggered? Is that something you could, you know, and I'm not trying to get into therapy here. I'm just saying empathic listening.
We care about these relationships at work and in our personal lives. We'll truly seek first to understand.
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. So someone will say, I will change the names to protect the innocent. But someone was frustrated that they weren't getting any recognition for the work they were doing. And they were on this project team, and they said, you know, and I'll just use Joe as the leader. Joe never calls me out.
I helped put together that whole third hour of this work session, or I helped put together that spreadsheet. And when the executive team was congratulating themselves, Joe never said anything. well, I want you to know that Sam did a lot of this too, and she was great at this. And I say, okay, so do you think Joe was wanting to make them think that he did it all?
And this person, Joe said, no, I don't think that. I said, you are obviously a very thoughtful person. Do you think Joe is even aware that he's doing that? I don't know. I said, have you ever had a conversation with Joe? Have you just told him, not in an angry way, but just say, hey, Joe, maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I kind of felt like when we met... No, I've never said that.
Would you be willing to say, I mean, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but is that something you'd feel comfortable doing? And this person would say to me, well, how would you say that? And I'd tell them. So that's just an example, just helping people come to their own, realizing that there aren't tons of bad people in the world. Well, I don't know. Maybe there are.
But I think most people have good intent. They just may not be as self-aware people. as they'd like to be. So I will get out a T-chart all the time and I'll say, okay, so in listening to you, here's what I understand is important to you. What do you think is important to Fred? And so many people, mature, educated people would say, well, I don't know. I'm not Fred. I know that.
But if you were in Fred's role, what do you think would be important, Fred? Well, He'd want to make sure that the project's done on time. Okay, let's put that down. What else? Well, we probably want to make sure that we do this with excellence.
And it's so interesting to coach people and get them in the mindset of thinking about the other person, putting themselves in the place of the other person. So those are some very real outcomes of taking time to understand each other.
I couldn't agree more, Heather. And you just caused me to think of, I remember somebody, a senior leader, when I was coaching this person on this, they said, well, my concern is if I just ask a couple of questions, let them talk all the time while they're talking, I don't agree with them, Todd. And so if I keep letting them talk, and I said, that's the part you got to be comfortable with.
They're not thinking you agree with them. You're just creating this safety, this space for them to express their opinion. But really listen, don't be thinking the whole time, I don't agree with you, be really hearing them out. Ask some clarifying questions. So I bring that up because I know a lot of people think, well, if I don't talk, they're going to think I'm agreeing with them. They're not.
They're just appreciative that you're hearing them out. And if you've truly heard them out and you say, OK, so you see it this way. Gosh, I really respect that. My take on it is this, but I heard you, and I understand why you're seeing it that way.
I want to think about this, but even in the end, if you end up going against the fact that you heard them out, you're going to have so much more buy-in and so much more of an engaged employee by doing that. That's been my experience.
I love that because the whole thing about building effective relationships, I mean, you think about the most meaningful, impactful, effective relationships in your life. I think about it in my mind. Trust is kind of the foundation of those things. And trust doesn't mean we see everything alike. Trust doesn't mean that you always agree with me. Trust means that I hear you. I respect you.
I respect your opinion. I don't sugarcoat things. I talk directly or talk straight with you. But I balance courage and consideration. And so I think the greatest relationships, both in professional life and personal life, have this near perfect balance of courage and consideration. I can say anything to you as long as I say it with respect, true respect.
And I also can listen and ask you questions and have this considerate consideration as long as I'm doing it respectfully. So balancing courage and consideration, I think, is the key to building trust in our relationships. And there's a really cool exercise we do in 7 Habits. It's called the emotional bank account and thinking about our emotional bank account with others.
Much like a financial bank account, in our emotional bank account, we make deposits and we take withdrawals. But unlike a financial bank account, We should never be making deposits in the emotional bank account of others with the intent of taking it all.
I had this experience I wrote about in one of the books you cited where this long lost friend I hadn't talked to him for I can't remember how many years. And he called out of the blue. It was so awesome. We've been such great friends. And he was talking for like 45 minutes. And we're just connecting. We ought to go to lunch. And towards the very end of the conversation, he said.
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