Tony Hinchcliffe

I'm Midwestern, I'm very Midwestern.

I'm so Midwestern I don't believe in counseling, I believe in binge drinking.

All right?

You shouldn't be talking to strangers, you should be having a problem in a garage with your friends.

So, because I love scamming white people, I'm always down for that, I do think I'm gonna start the Midwestern Counseling Service.

It's how I'm going to go and reinvent counseling.

What it's going to be is you're going to come over to my garage, hang out with me, drink my beer, work on my car.

It's a Pontiac.

You can't be sad working on a Pontiac.

That's illegal.

All right, guys?

That's what freedom is all about.

And then we're just going to talk and get drunk all night long.

Have a good time.

And maybe as the night goes, you'll start to open up and tell me about the woes of your life.

Then you'll look me in the eyes and be like, yeah, it got hard when Dad died.

I'll look you dead in the eyes.

I'll turn up the radio and say, shut up, pussy.

And we'll move on.

All right.