Tonya Mosley

At its peak, the Arsenio Hall show was syndicated on nearly 200 stations, running second in the late-night ratings to Arsenio's idol, Johnny Carson, an unthinkable feat at the time.

And then just like that, poof, the show was gone.

But here's what I never knew until I read Arsenio's new memoir.

The show wasn't canceled.

Arsenio quit, walking away from a dream he'd been rehearsing since he was 12 years old.

The reasons were distinctly American.

White audiences thought the show was too Black, and Black audiences thought it wasn't Black enough.

And it wore him down in ways he's never told fully until now.

His new memoir is simply called Arsenio.

And Arsenio Hall, welcome to Fresh Air.

Oh, Arsenio, you know, you have talked about the decision to leave the show before, but this book, it really names things I haven't seen you name before.

You say this thing that was really poignant to me.

You said you felt insatiably black and profoundly alone.

Take me inside of that to be 100 percent yourself and still that self be rejected.

Yeah.

When you launched, there were essentially three players.

There was Johnny Carson, who was the king, and then Letterman, who was tucked away after midnight.

And then you were this scrappy, syndicated show with no network.

What was Paramount actually asking you to be that you weren't?

And the things that you did, I mean, while you weren't number one, I mean, you were a close number two.