Trevor Noah

And we get six more weeks of not knowing who any of the co-conspirators are in this multinational sex trafficking case.

And also because Punxsutawney Phil is all over the files.

That is... That is...

Is that to scale by any chance?

That may be the biggest f***ing groundhog.

They literally look like, they actually look like they could be friends.

Bill Clinton and Punxsutawney Phil.

The point I'm trying to make is the Epstein Files thing.

We've been through this before.

I'm going to go with no.

guys are adorable the chances of this breaking maga are actually worse than trump just lowering the age of consent to be done with the whole thing which is that i didn't say we were doing it

Which is not to say there isn't awful shit in this new Epstein dump.

It was a veritable who's who of who you imagine wanted someone to touch their hoo-hoo.

Allegedly, Lutnik, Bannon, Musk, Summers, Gates, Clinton, Tisch, Melania, the guy who directed Melania.

Prince Andrew and Sir Richard Branson.

I don't think any of us will ever masturbate again.

That is...

And of course, the star of our show, Donald Josephine Trump, whose thousands of mentions render Trump as kind of a necessary backdrop through the entirety of the Epstein files, kind of like New York City in a Woody Allen movie, which coincidentally is apropos because he's also in the files.

And of course, to get ahead of the story, I am also in the files.

We all searched our names.